sillygurl Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 UGH. I feel terrible. I am happy that my ex met someone new that he really likes, but it still really hurts. I feel like throwing up. My stomach is in a knot. I wish I could just move on and not feel anything about him anymore. Anyone else have this happen, where you're happy they're happy, but still not over them enough to feel ok yourself?? Link to comment
Loki71 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Yes. It really bites doesn't it? You want them to be happy but deep down we hurt cause they are and we are not. You try to hide it but after time it all comes pouring out. Becareful to not let it come out as anger. Link to comment
sillygurl Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 Yes. It really bites doesn't it? You want them to be happy but deep down we hurt cause they are and we are not. You try to hide it but after time it all comes pouring out. Becareful to not let it come out as anger. Oh no, it sounds like you have experience with this! Care to share your story? Link to comment
beejcee Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 hi -- i know exactly what you mean. i am guessing it would be a lot easier if both people involved were happy with someone else. i guess what i have learned from the experience of divorce is that it takes a long, long, long time until it is truly over -- and maybe for some people it never happens. i loved my husband enough to promise my life and my future to him -- those are pretty strong feelings to just shut off and put away and never deal with them again. sorry you have to feel this way.... i truly am..... Link to comment
Loki71 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Oh no, it sounds like you have experience with this! Care to share your story? I am 3 months into my divorce. It will be final in just a couple more weeks. I have done the LC, NC. The NC doesn't work as we have kids. So I am back to LC because even after I thought I was past it all I am back to missing her more than anything. I am back to not sleeping at night and all I want is to feel her in my arms again. I went on a date with a very nice woman and I felt so guilty for it I cried all the way home after it was over. I just told her I have to go NC again because I am losing my mind with wanting her and knowing I can't have her. You will go back and forth with these feelings and it will hurt very much each time. Just try to keep busy with other things and talk to others that can be there for you to support you when it happens. Link to comment
sillygurl Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 Thank you, beej. I wish I could just move on! I've always thought this person would end up back in my future, after he dated other people - like an intuitive feeling. It's so hard to fight those intuitive feelings, isn't it? But I have to- I'm wrong. I need to forget about him. Link to comment
huskiesfan Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 UGH. I feel terrible. I am happy that my ex met someone new that he really likes, but it still really hurts. I feel like throwing up. My stomach is in a knot. I wish I could just move on and not feel anything about him anymore. Anyone else have this happen, where you're happy they're happy, but still not over them enough to feel ok yourself?? I felt that way about my ex when she and the guy she left me for got together. I was happy (not overly so) that she found someone that she liked, but deep down, I was angry that she could just casually move on to this next guy and not even care about how I felt. Link to comment
sillygurl Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 I guess it's true- if you love someone, you can set them free. Link to comment
Loki71 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I guess it's true- if you love someone, you can set them free. It's true but not easy or painless lol. Link to comment
SighSob Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 If you love someone, and they want to be set free from you, it's time to move on already. Link to comment
huskiesfan Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I guess it's true- if you love someone, you can set them free. Mmhmm. But that is the hardest part of a break-up. You love your ex, but you have to say, "I acknowledge that you won't get back with me", which is the hardest thing you can say. I certainly couldn't have said it right after the breakup. Link to comment
sillygurl Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 Loki, it took me over 2 years to get past my divorce- And I was already in love with someone else!! Give yourself a break. I was only married 4.5 years, I'm sure you were married longer. We didn't have kids, but I had a lot of other constant, painful reminders of him popping up- it shouldn't be that bad for you. Link to comment
sillygurl Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 Mmhmm. But that is the hardest part of a break-up. You love your ex, but you have to say, "I acknowledge that you won't get back with me", which is the hardest thing you can say. I certainly couldn't have said it right after the breakup. You know what's funny, I actually wrote this email to him about my intuititive feeling that we'd end up back together some day. He seemed really receptive to it, and said he just wanted to get to see other people because he hasn't really dated much. Then he started being sweet to me again, like when we were a couple... I lost it and had a meltdown! Terrible. SO embarrassing. Link to comment
Loki71 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Loki, it took me over 2 years to get past my divorce- And I was already in love with someone else!! Give yourself a break. I was only married 4.5 years, I'm sure you were married longer. We didn't have kids, but I had a lot of other constant, painful reminders of him popping up- it shouldn't be that bad for you. We were together for 12yrs married for 11. She was the first person I ever truly loved more than anyone or anything. What makes it so hard for me to let go is it was my fault she wanted out. I was not there for her as a husband like I should have been and I have to live with myself knowing that. Link to comment
veneratio Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I can relate in a way. I'd be 100% happy for my ex if she ended up with someone other than her crush she basically wouldn't give me another chance for. And there's a chance that might happen. Half of me would be happy for her, but the other half would feel cheated. I know I'm not the judge of karma court, but..that would be some pretty crappy karma. Link to comment
kiwi24 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 mine grief is coming out as anger right now because i know he's with her...doing the stuff we used to do..eat where we used to...sleep on the bed i helped him put together...and call her love names he used to call me... it really sucks but honestly we can only help ourselves to just let it be... Link to comment
sillygurl Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 She was the first person I ever truly loved more than anyone or anything. What makes it so hard for me to let go is it was my fault she wanted out. I was not there for her as a husband like I should have been and I have to live with myself knowing that. Oh, the anguish you must be going through! Poor Loki, did you try to show her you'd changed, or understand what went wrong? Well, yeah, I guess you probably already thought of that. I'm so sorry... Thanks you all, so much for posting. I really appreciate your caring words. Its so reassuring knowing that I am not alone in this, and that people out there care. Link to comment
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