lazy_husband Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Help, I have been married for 2.5 years, and in that time, my husband has made about 1,000 dollars. While living in another state, he responded that he could not find work there. We then moved to another state, where there are plenty of jobs. He still does not work. He’s a salesman, and he has tried a couple of times to get commission only jobs, but nothing ever pans out. I told him two weeks ago, he has to find a job that is not commission only, yet he refuses to get a paying part time job to supplement our income. I cannot do it any longer. Not only are we completely broke, I have no money for anything and the bills continue on running up. When we moved to this new location, he promised he would get a job making so much money a year. That has not happened. We have been here now about 4 months. He has only made 400 dollars in that time. I have a feeling this is the way that he is, he will never turn out to be anything successful in life, or be concerned about helping out with the bills. What can I do about this? I am to my wits end and am contemplating kicking him out of the house. When I married him, we had an understanding about how much money was to be made, and what we were to do with our money. Yet, this has never happened. I don’t know what to do anymore! I was ready to deal with the issues, but I cannot afford to do that anymore. Even at one time during this 2.5 year stint, I had two full time jobs! I am ready to apply for another part time job, but I don’t know when he will start helping out. Should I kick him out? I am beginning to hate him and it has caused me great turmoil. To the fact that I see him as a loser and I see his parents as wasteful because of the type of son they have. We have no sex life, I cannot stand to have sex with him. I am losing my attraction to him. What can be done about this? The only solution I see is for him to get a decent paying job and stop living off me. He does not clean the house, he will not brush the hair off the dog, he will not do anything. In my relationship, I am the only person who does anything. We do not have children, thankfully. Link to comment
hers Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Is he possbily depressed about something? Do you know what he does with his time while you aren't there? Link to comment
Portage Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Tell him to leave. I'd be done years ago, you aren't his keeper. Link to comment
gracerules2008 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Get out now. That's all I can say. Link to comment
Santerme Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 This may be a silly question, but it's the first thing that came to mind. Are you sure he is not actually making money but not telling you? How does he survive away from home with no money? I had a brother in law who was completely useless, never worked, even though he was employed in the family business, he just never showed up for work, lived at home until he was 28 or so, before his parents gave up and finally kicked him out. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Besides the job issue, it doesn't sound like you even like him as a person. Why are you still married to him? Link to comment
Blanco Nino Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Can I ask how old he is and why you married him? I agree he could be depressed. Or maybe he did really well at one point in his career and has too much of an ego to go work a cash register or something. Link to comment
gracerules2008 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Besides the job issue, it doesn't sound like you even like him as a person. Why are you still married to him? I suspect the job issue and his laziness is what is causing her to lose sexual attraction to him. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I suspect the job issue and his laziness is what is causing her to lose sexual attraction to him. Agreed...but those are issues that would make me not like somebody...and leave them (to this extreme). Link to comment
alli Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 That would drive me nuts. What does he do all day? Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Gee, are you married to my ex-husband? He has shown himself completely willing to live off someone efforts, in fact he obviously doesn't care if you work yourself to death as long as he has an easy no stress life. He doesn't care about your stress, or he would be actively looking for work and working. My ex was like this... he basically liked to watch ESPN sports 24x7 and didn't like to work. He was perfectly content as long as he had cable and someone else paying the bills. He was also a salesman and talked a good game, and managed to con me into thinking he was someone different than he was, which i sadly learned after i married him and he promptly went about losing a job and doing nothing to get a new one since i kept a roof over our heads. He also tried the 'i'm depressed' thing for a while and had an endless series of excuses for why he refused to look for work or work. But when i looked at it rationally, he was perfectly happy as long as he got his own way and got to be a big irresponsible teenager in essense, even though he was in his 30s. I had a therapist tell me he wasn't depressed, he was just totally immature and not interested in being a partner. He wanted a parent figure taking care of him and no responsibility. So he wasn't really depressed, just using that as an excuse to buy himself time off and the ability to stay a kid forever with me taking care of him rather than him taking care of himself. If you have someone like that, they are really an albatross around your neck. If you've told him very clearly this isn't acceptable and he's still refusing to look for work and get a real job (not just one he can pretend he is working), then i'd throw in the towel and move on. If someone is really irresponsible and a leech, you really are alone in terms of support, so you may as well be genuinely alone, at least with the hope of finding someone who is a partner and not a leech. Link to comment
lazy_husband Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 I don't know if he's depressed or not. Even if he is, he still should be getting a job. Even being a server would be happy with me, anything, working at Wal-mart, something to bring money in. Link to comment
lazy_husband Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 No, he's not making any money. He gives me any check he may acquire. He cannot get a bank account due to his credit. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 These should have been big red flags in the beginning. When you enter into a relationship with someone and they are displaying certain traits, chances are those traits are not likely to change anytime soon. He has become comfortable because he knows he can. Link to comment
lazy_husband Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 In the beginning he HAD a job, a good paying job. He bought me a very expensive ring. I thought my life with him would be wonderful. But then I walked down the aisle. Link to comment
lazy_husband Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 He's 33 years old, and had a good job before we were married. Link to comment
alli Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I hope you don't have to pay him alimony Link to comment
lazy_husband Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 That's what I am worried about. We have been married 2.5 years and I make six figures. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 That's what I am worried about. We have been married 2.5 years and I make six figures. I'm sure you will have to pay him alimony, but probably for less than two years, if you get out soon. Alimony payments are usually for around half the length of the marriage. Link to comment
lazy_husband Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 Somehow, that does not seem fair. I feel like I have already given him all my money plus more! Link to comment
hers Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Go ahead & contact an attorney. In the meantime, disconnect cable & internet & sell & video game consoles. Get rid of his luxuries. You'll save money & he may be bored enough to try something new. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Somehow, that does not seem fair. I feel like I have already given him all my money plus more! This is true, but it's the way of the world. I take it there was no pre-nup. Think of it this way, you can either give him a good chunk of your money for a couple years then never have to deal with him again, or you can allow him to leech off you until you're even more fed up and file for divorce anyway, then have to pay him even more money. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 No, he's not making any money. He gives me any check he may acquire. He cannot get a bank account due to his credit. Did you know about his poor financial status when you married him? If he can't even get a checking account, it must be pretty bad. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 He probably sees your six figures and tells himself, why bother working since she earns enough for the both of us... Yes, you do need to worry about alimony issues. If you have a very short marriage (and 2.5 years still falls in that category), then the court won't have much sympathy for any requests for alimony, for anything other than possibly a few months worth of rehabilitative alimony. But if he can work, and just isn't working, the judge won't have too much sympathy unless he can convince the judge it was your agreement for him to be a stay at home househusband (and hence you should continue to support him). But due to the short marriage, he won't support for long regardless. But if you stay married 10 years or more, he may be entitled to half your pension and alimony. And if you had kids, he could say he was the stay at home parent and you'd have to pay alimony and child support. So if you are sure this isn't working for you, i suggest you divorce sooner rather than later to prevent more negative financial consequences. Link to comment
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