24 Days of NC....does it ever get easier?

[lauramed]

It's been 24 days of NC with my ex and I'm wondering when it get's easier. I feel so down today...maybe the reality is finally sinking in and I'm starting to get that maybe it is finally over. What hurts the most is 15 months of knowing each other and he can just dismiss out of his life as though I was nothing. I wonder if he even thinks about me....even a little. I want to call him so bad, but I know that I can't do it. Don't even know if he would answer and if he did, just hearing his voice is going to end up hurting. How does everyone stay so strong here and keep going NC?

[Swany89]

It really is tough. I have been going no contact for just a little over 2 months from a 2.5 year relationship with a guy who was my best friend before hand. We lost all of that. It is a killer, but somehow you just take it day by day. I felt like you did, wondering how he could toss me out of his life so easily and then move on four weeks after he broke things off, and now he wants nothing to do with me. It still catches me off guard sometimes when I think about it, so I try not to think about it. But I can say, that the longer you keep up with the no contact the better you feel and the easier it is to keep going.

[lauramed]

This is one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do. I want nothing more than to call him, but I know that I can't. If he doesn't answer or return my call, it will be devestating but it's all that is going through my mind right now. I know it's crazy on my part to if think this way, but I keep hoping that with time he'll end up missing me. Maybe that's just my way of getting through one day at a time.

[hockeyboy]

It's been 24 days of NC with my ex and I'm wondering when it get's easier. I feel so down today...maybe the reality is finally sinking in and I'm starting to get that maybe it is finally over. What hurts the most is 15 months of knowing each other and he can just dismiss out of his life as though I was nothing. I wonder if he even thinks about me....even a little. I want to call him so bad, but I know that I can't do it. Don't even know if he would answer and if he did, just hearing his voice is going to end up hurting. How does everyone stay so strong here and keep going NC?

 

Yes, it does get easier, you'll slowly move on.

 

What are you doing besides not contacting him (which is good)? What are you doing to help feel better about yourself?

[lauramed]

I'm just trying to stay busy. I've been going out a lot with friends....staying home, I'll just wallow in it. I have been enjoying the friends, but on the inside it still hurts a lot.

[hockeyboy]

I'm just trying to stay busy. I've been going out a lot with friends....staying home, I'll just wallow in it. I have been enjoying the friends, but on the inside it still hurts a lot.

 

Well staying busy is good, but don't just stay busy for the sake of being busy. Do things you want to do. Things you enjoy.

 

For example when I had to deal with a long term breakup I started picking up on old hobbies/interests as well as new ones..things I really enjoyed doing. It made me realize what I was missing out on. I don't think if I just stayed busy doing routine things it would have been as effective.

 

Don't allow yourself to "just wallow in it." At point I made a conscious decision I wasn't going to be "that guy" who just feels sorry for himself and talks about his ex. Though I didn't feel happy, I acted happy when I was out. I smiled. I laughed. I forced it. People enjoy being around other happy/fun/optimistic people....and eventually I noticed I didn't have to force it as much..and then didn't have to force it at all.

 

I'm not saying "just get over it." It's not something that happens with the snap of your fingers. However, I believe you can make an effort to expedite the process.

[gee]

Yes, it does get easier, you'll slowly move on.

 

I agree! It is difficult at first, but in time you will feel better about it.

 

You need to start doing things to distract your mind. And don't always be looking at your phone if he called or whatever.

 

Be patient you'll get there.

 

gee

[mcchops380]

I guess the way I stay so strong is I tell myself what my ex would say if and when I called. I picture her either not answering or just being very cold to me and this keeps me from calling because the pain at the moment I want to call is nothing compared to the pain I would feel if either one of those things happened. My ex had a new b/f and had picutres of them posted within a week of me telling her that I could no longer wait around for her until she figured out what she wanted. I was devistated but I know that there will be better days ahead and I just keep on truckin. I am lucky to have many groups of friends whom I have known for 14 plus years to help me out. I would just plead with you not to contact him because 99.9% of the time it isn't going to be what you want to hear and then you are back at square one. Believe me I have been on both sides. I have called and pleaded for and old g/f to come back to me and cried to her and everything that you shouldn't do. It got me know where but about a few extra months of pain and misery. Last night, in bed, I wanted to call her so bad just to try and get her back but my pride and ego wouldn't let me. I am glad. Just focus on you, listen to a lot of music, Pink Floyd, Dave Matthews, Foo Fighters, whatever, workout, get out of the house if only for an hour. If you need to talk my yahoo IM is emcfarla29 or you can email me. You will be fine. I promise.

[lauramed]

The one thing that I never did after the break up was call and plead. I stopped calling him and he initiated the first call and several others after that. Even now if I called it would even be about the relationship, it would only be to see how he is and how everything is going for him...though I'm not going to do it.

 

I have been enjoying going out...always smile on the outside. I also never discuss him with anybody other than here. Family and friends say nothing but nasty things about him and I just can't hear those things about him right now and to be honest, I don't want to handle it that way.

 

You are right about one thing though, the pain I feel right now is far less than it would be if I called and got no response.

[hockeyboy]

The one thing that I never did after the break up was call and plead. I stopped calling him and he initiated the first call and several others after that. Even now if I called it would even be about the relationship, it would only be to see how he is and how everything is going for him...though I'm not going to do it.

 

I have been enjoying going out...always smile on the outside. I also never discuss him with anybody other than here. Family and friends say nothing but nasty things about him and I just can't hear those things about him right now and to be honest, I don't want to handle it that way.

 

You are right about one thing though, the pain I feel right now is far less than it would be if I called and got no response.

 

I would tell family and friends they don't need to bad mouth him, you broke up, it is what it is and are moving on.

[magnex]

gonna throw a spanner in the works

 

i once pleaded with a ex to get back with me and it eventually worked, we were together a further 2 years....

 

i think it all depends on the circumstance, im in a similar position now, but im doing my best to not contact her too much as she wanted space to sort out some very stressfull personal things, like get her kids back, find a place to live, and not have to worry about me on top of all this too, so i have to respect this, its been 6 weeks since i saw her and iv heard nothing, although iv sent a few messages to her via facebook.

when i last saw her, she did say she loved me and we will be fine she just needs time, how much i asked? i dont know she replied...

 

I guess im playing the waiting game, went and had my fortune told, the clair voyant picked up on what was going on and basically read my mind!, told me thing work out in my favour but after alot of disappointment and upset....

 

we will see

[lauramed]

I've told the family and friends that he is a topic that I just can't discuss with then right now and when I feel ready, then and only then will I say anything. I don't need to hear nasty things about him....it certainly doesn't make the pain stop.

[lauramed]

magnex,

 

I think your ex just has a lot on her plate right now. Seems like she just needs to get her life in order and maybe a little space will allow her to do that. She certainly hasn't closed the door on a future with you.

 

I do understand the waiting game though. After a while enough is enough.

[mcchops380]

Just try and focus on everything you didnt like about him or her and pretty soon you will realize that your ex isn't all that. I mean there has to be something about this guy that you just couldn't stand. I mean, I guess the one thing it comes down too is that you have to want to get over him and move him. If not then you will be in this cycle of repetition for as long as you let it go on. I truly feel that I want to get over my ex but some of the things that were said at the end make it hard to not question myself about how I gave up and told her to go to the other guy. Her telling me that she "could never quit me." No idea what she meant by that. Well that kind of went off topic. Sorry

[lauramed]

Honestly, I can't think of any one thing that I didn't like about him, it would certainly make it easier if there was. I certainly want to get over this constant pain that I'm feeling...but not at the point where I want to let him go completely. Foolish, huh? I wish so much that I could be mad at him for how he treated me...to just disappear the way that he did, but I can't be mad. I made huge mistakes when he started to come back into my life....wish I could turn back the clock and handle it so much different, but there is no going back is there. So I'll remain in NC....just have to talk myself through it every day.

[magnex]

magnex,

 

I think your ex just has a lot on her plate right now. Seems like she just needs to get her life in order and maybe a little space will allow her to do that. She certainly hasn't closed the door on a future with you.

 

I do understand the waiting game though. After a while enough is enough.

 

thank you for the message here.

 

i know you are right, it is soooo hard tho as i really wanna be their for her but i totally understand her situation, she just left here control freak husband too who is playing games with her (using the kids which are aged 7 and 2) he is been very nasty towards her, he does not know about me, if he did their would be hell on!

 

i have known her for 14 years, before she got married and i always loved her, finally i got her.

 

she now has no phone as she has little money it got cut off, all i got is her facebook and email, although she removed me off her friends list (not blocked) that said i have 2 facebook pages, one for me and one for a club night brand i run, she has not removed the club night one, i think she must have not liked to see all my activity on my personal page, i have like 1500 friends so its quite a busy page and im a dj so lots of picures all the time, the club brand page isnt as busy..i have my page set on public but my wall, comments and pictures only friends can see..

 

i told her to tell me if she wants rid of me forever (just incase she did as i was feeling sad) and she never replied to that, sionce then iv sent a couple of messages top wish her my love, and that im thinking of her etc... i dont want to go total NC as i feel that would not be quite right, and we havnt acually finished or at least spoke about that, it was she just needed space?

 

ironically my ex ex who i met after i lost this girl 14 years ago has just got in touch (she lives in spain now)..

 

would never go back their even tho she is a very nice and gorgeous person, took me 2 years to get over her but 10 years its been now and we are very close when we do actually speak (she wanted to get back with me a few years ago)

 

i just want my girl back, she is the only one for me....

[lauramed]

That's exactly how I feel. I just want him back. That of course makes me feel so foolish because it's as though he has closed the door on us and I don't even know why or what happened for him to stop calling. The problem with me is that I know eventually that I will end up calling him...maybe it's what I have to do to finally start moving on from him.

[magnex]

well i am a strong believer in self instinct, i think sometimes you have to follow your own heart and head and do what you think is right, its so easy for people on here or who are not involved/know you and your situation personally like you do to say, Oh just go total NC, this is why i said before each circumstance is different, yeah sure theirs times when NC is the ONLY way, iv been their and done that too, with a girl i lived with and went back to her 3 times and each time it just got worse and worse to the point i lost my house to her and got in alot of debt!, i went nc and got over her, she also came back eventually wanting to try again, i refused as i had finally grown strong enough to not give a s.h.i.t.

 

its never easy, i think you have to do what you think is best, you know your ex more than anyone on here, you really need to know whats going on, i keep a eye on my GF facebook, she only has her friends and family on their and i see by the very few comments on their since i last spoke to her, her personal life isnt improving, theirs messagfes of her aunty saying "im here for you" etc, so its obvious things are not good yet, so i have to respect her needing this space

 

now if the situation was, say another lad involved etc, then id be gone....

 

where are you from anyhow?

[lauramed]

I just think back over the past few months, before this happened and I know that he cared. Called me first thing on my birthday, sent me a text wishing me good luck when I went to court with my ex husband and then called me later to find out what happened. So I'm just numb over this. I'm not going to call any time soon, but I need to know....you know that word that is over used "closure"...I just don't feel like I can move on until I know that it is finally over. Just have this feeling that it isn't really done, but I'm giving him his space.

 

I'm from Mass

[magnex]

totally hear you on the "closure" word, i think everyone deserves that, even in my situation, i started thinking all sorts of stuff, like does she not want me? what did i do? if she dont want me then just bloody tell me...i got lost in it all in my head, thinking too much, still do, and then i remembered she has alot more on her plate, she told me she couldnt worry about me till she got her stuff sorted, she felt i needed her attention all the time etc and with all thats going on its very hard for her

 

its so easy to get lost in emotion and thought, i have to remember she is in alot of trouble and pain right now and this isnt about me or closure, im sure she would have jsut told me straight out if she didnt want me, before this she made sure i knew everyday how much she loves me etc, that why i found it hard going from all that to toattly nothing at all

 

but yeah, i totally understand what you mean and where your coming from

[lauramed]

That's what I'm having a hard time with. To go from talking at least once a week to nothing and not answering my call...only tried twice...I just don't understand. Not that the pain would have been less, but if had told me he just didn't want me in his life anymore I would have had no choice but to let it go. This way, I feel like I'm hanging in limbo....the hard thing is that it's my heart that's doing the thinking and not my head.

[mcchops380]

Laura, you can be mad at how you treated you if you would just let yourself. It sounds to me that you don't want to get mad at him because you don't want to let him go. Too each his own, but why come on here asking for help when you aren't willing to take the necessary steps to help yourself. It seems to me that you are doing NC for reasons other than healing yourself. Sort of like a punishment to him. Your mistakes you made are the past and so is your relationship so the quicker you get that in your head, the quicker you will move on. And I hope you don't think I am being a * * * * * I have just been in your position and know how it feels and it is a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies.

[mcchops380]

Well unless you told him that you were going to do NC and he hasn't called then I can understand wanting to seek closure. Although I don't recommend it because it WILL NOT be what you want to hear and which you already know what will be said. If he just hasn't called, I think that is your closure. Like with me and my ex, I honestly believe that one day she will come back and we will get married but right now in my life, and hers, she just needs to do what she needs to do and I the same. But I won't sit around and wait for her and I won't pass up other opportunities that arise simply because I believe that we will be together one day. There is more than just 1 right person out there for you, me, magnex. It would be foolish to think that with over 6 billion people in the world that we think only 1 person is right for us.

[lauramed]

There is a part of me that is mad. I am mad at how he treated me...to just disappear the way that he did. The reason I'm going NC is not to punish him, but to make me a stronger person. I can hope that sometime in the future we can begin to talk again, but I don't expect it. I'm just trying to make me a better, happier person. The thing is that no matter what happens with my ex, I want to think back on the relationship as a good thing, because we really had a lot of fun together. Could talk about anything with each other and had so many laughs together. He also came into my life at a time that I really needed someone positive so for that I will never look back with regret and wish that I never met him.

[mcchops380]

I got ya. Again, not trying to come down hard on you because believe me, just as of a few minutes ago I was thinking about my ex and wanted to text her so bad to try and get her back but knew what the end result would be, especially since she already has a new b/f. Just be glad he didn't do like she did and move on to someone new 5 days after I told her I couldn't sit around and wait for her to figure her mind up. My ego took quite a hit from that one. But she was part of my life for a reason and one day that reason will make itself known and help me grow as an individual.