3 months today

[jennamajig]

Today is officially three months since my break up. And already it is a very difficult day. It took all my will power to get out of bed today - I spent 12 hours at work yesterday and the work is still piling up on my desk. My boss is coming in today, so much to do and trying to bury myself in it. But it isn't working.

 

I never thought three months later and I'd be hurting this much on this day. I slept poorly and I feel physically ill. My body aches, my head hurts. I had hoped I'd be past this -- frankly I was better before Christmas. 43 days of NC - true NC. He's never reached out and sometimes that hurts most of all because it makes it seem like I was so easy to forget. If I was so easy to forget, why isn't it easy to forget him?

 

I may need to allow myself to hurt today, then box it up. I'm a very emotional person, so boxing it up isn't something I have been able to do. Only I can get past this pain, but I haven't been able to completely. I survive one day at a time, hoping the feelings disappear day by day. Any other tips?

 

Anyone else find the three month mark tough? My relationship lasted 2 years, almost 2 months. I thought and wanted to marry this man and his ending it took me by complete surprise. We lived together (I moved out) and his reason was "we are too much the same to be compatible anymore." I've done so much thinking, soul-searching sometimes my brain wants to explode in finding closure in myself.

[SapphireNoir10]

It does take time. Its such a strong overwhelming feeling, i think at t hree months its the realisation its definatley over and they arent coming back.

 

Stay strong, I've been where you are and it hurts so much, but every day it gets a lil better,

[HereIGoAgain]

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time jenna. I've noticed that at the 3 month mark people tend to find they have a hard time dealing with the breakup. It happened to me too where after the 3 month mark the reality of splitting with my gf really hit home. I'm now past the 5 month mark and not got any better. I've thought about it now for a solid 2 months and not made any progress in healing.

 

Just because your ex doesn't reach out doesn't mean they have forgotten you. I felt the same way because I have only had a little contact from my ex since the split 5 months ago. A birthday card and a text wishing me well in getting over an illness. I don't think they will forget us because we spent a good period of time with them. How could they forget the good times spent together. However, while they may remember us with fondness it doesn't mean they will contact out of that fondness. When all is said and done, the relationship broke up and they have moved on in their lives to do different things with different people. We are and will be always part of their past as much as they are a part of our past. Unfortunately, it may mean that they are never part of our future.

 

What I would say is that like you I'm doing a lot of soul searching and thinking about the breakup. I am coming to the conclusion though that while it does help to reflect on the relationship and breakup, spending day after day doesn't help much more. The relationship is over, we move on and there will be better days for us. Getting there will always be the hard part, unfortunately. All we can do is take things day by day, realise we are hurting and in pain, and believe that one day it will pass.

[zeldrick]

Hi Jenna,

3 months is really a tough time. Mine is slight off 3 months time...however, it wasn't a completely NC till 3 weeks back.

It's not that you're easy to forget, and to you, it's so hard to forget him. You've been hurt, obviously, in your mind, memories of the past will replay...thoughts of him replay, everything you once had with him just keeps replaying it in your mind.

Each time you allow these replays, you reinforce those memories to etch in your mind together with the emotions...and it becomes harder and harder for you to move on. Worse still, it makes you wonder why you had not feel much better now...or you're back at square one again.

 

Only when you choose to stop those replays time and time again, you'll realise its so much easier as each time you fought against it...disallowing to replay in your mind. It's not easy at the start, but hang on..Winter will turn to spring...you'll have spring in your life again...

 

You have my support! You can fight this! =)

[franfran]

I find it very hard to believe that you are easy to forget.

[jennamajig]

I find it very hard to believe that you are easy to forget.

 

Aw, thanks fran. And thanks to all the replies thus far. Today is just hard. I actually found myself unblocking him on facebook this morning. I unfriended him, so it wasn't really breaking NC. But a couple of my friends are still friends with him (pretty much due to pure laziness - they don't talk to him) and I wrote on one of their walls to answer a question they posed, half knowing my ex may/may not see it.

 

Stupid, huh? I guess we all do stupid things every once in a while. But frankly, I'm tired of hiding. On so many levels. I'm not even sure that makes sense, lol.

 

I need to push myself out there; really date and see that there are indeed other people I am compatible with. Something has truly been holding me back and it could be letting go and final acceptance. It could be why I physically hurt today - my heart is catching up to my head.

[franfran]

I wrote on one of their walls to answer a question they posed, half knowing my ex may/may not see it.

 

Stupid, huh?

 

I do this.... ALLLLL THE TIME.

 

My ex and I have 140 friends in common on facebook. I wonder what day it will be when I don't have him in mind when posting on friends' walls and what not. I'm sure he sees me around a lot.

[jennamajig]

I do this.... ALLLLL THE TIME.

 

My ex and I have 140 friends in common on facebook. I wonder what day it will be when I don't have him in mind when posting on friends' walls and what not. I'm sure he sees me around a lot.

 

Lol, well at least I'm not the only one.

 

I blocked my ex as part of NC. To give myself some power back - I was the one who unfriended him, not the other way around. But at the end of the day, they are still not part of your life in the present.

 

Ten years from now, I hope I look back at this and laugh. Laugh at the lessons learned. I had lunch with my Aunt last Sat and she told me about hard relationships she had in her life before meeting and marrying my uncle at age 34. She smiled and laughed about most of them, including a great guy she dated. He was perfect for her, but something nagged at her and they ended up breaking up, but staying friendly. A couple of years later he took her out to dinner to admit he finally had come to terms with the fact that he was gay! She realized the nagging feeling was there for a reason

 

When she and my uncle married, it was his 2nd marriage - the first happened when he was around my age and lasted 7 months. She told me he admitted he married his first wife because it was the age everyone was getting married - the "right" age. Even my grandmother thought he should be married (also my dad married my mom when he was 24, but they are just a couple that worked, bless them).

 

She told me she was grateful that she waited and didn't marry any of the guys she was with prior to my uncle. And she was with a few for a long time. Oddly enough she dated my uncle only 4 months before getting engaged - and they have been married over 10 years!

 

I just need to learn to stop loving (or just learn to love a lot less) my ex and open myself to new adventures. My feelings ebb and flow, even in one thread. Three months is harsh, that is for sure, and this is a very difficult day.

[Loki71]

I am at the 3 month stage and it's killing me. I went from sad to anger to ok and back to sad again. I am trying to do NC except about the kids and it's rough. We are 11 days away from the final day when it's really over and the closer it gets the harder it is for me. So hang in there your not alone and together ENA will help us both.

[franfran]

Funny when you realize how much longer we really have to find the ones for us. I really believe it all boils down to accepting the fact that people are going to do what they want and we can't control what they want, what they think, what they do and most of all, who they are. I just don't care anymore, period. I think my ex is intentionally trying to piss me off, or get some sort of reaction from me, at this moment in time with his new fling in my face, but you know what, I hold my head up high and I show him that I DO NOT CARE. I don't care. Today is just another day Jen, and tomorrow is a new opportunity to allow yourself to be happy and not be hung up on this fool all day long. Time to tell yourself, enough is enough! And I mean that from the bottom of my heart because I've literally sat down, looked in the mirror and asked myself why the hell do I have tears streaming down my face over this heartless person? Why does my heart feel this way, why am I neglecting everything important in my life, myself, just because this person isn't a part of it anymore? I bucked up, wiped my tears away and yeah it still hurts that my best friend doesn't care about me anymore. But when I wake up in the morning I won't be the horrible person he is...in turn he really has shown me what a great person I am, so I guess I have him to thank for that.

 

Learn from this jen, and don't let yourself be sad anymore. Allow yourself to smile and be happy and show the world that you are, because deep down, you are. Don't let these feelings for him mask that anymore.

[dolly779]

i have been watching this forum for 2 weeks. i thought if i kept coming back, it must be helping me. and your post today jennamajig, made me sign up.

i am ashamed/afraid to tell my story yet. but i feel for you on so many levels. i am at 2 months NC. i honestly NEVER knew that other people did this. i thought i was the only person in the world who cuts ties in relationships once they are over. i am full aware it is much too painful for me to bear and grin and be friends.

i have had to ignore on my end, because i'm getting the "friendly" emails. i keep ignoring and it is devastating because i want so badly to be a part of his life but i cannot be his friend and support him with new relationships. (he is in one i think ?) i keep hoping for an "i regret this" message but i got nothing. i fear the last email i got is the final one.

 

just wanted to say i know what it feels like to cry yourself to sleep at night and wake up crying in the morning for 2 months straight.

everyone says it

[dolly779]

oops i meant this:

everyone says it gets better but i see no light at the end of the tunnel.

[crab62]

i am right behind you and hurt still very much too. i thought also that i'd be further.

 

i think you have been incredibly strong through this entire break-up...and one day soon the sadness and grief will just disappear... for both of us.

 

HUGS to you today.