Me and My sister - HELP!

[mca1975]

Hi all, for years I have been posting on enotalone about my relationships with men. I am now so happy and settled with my boyfriend and all is good. I made better choices for myself and now feeling so fulfilled and loved!

 

However, me and my sister's relationship is at stake it seems. My sister and I are very different. She is quite aggressive, angry and does not talk about emotions easily. She has relationships problems right now, we both have over the years, though obviously I do not have that anymore as am happy with a lovely boyfriend. Its been a long time coming for me, my ex-boyfriend died 5 years ago and it was a terrible time, we lived together.

 

My sister and I are very close generally but we do bicker now and then like sister's do. She has a kind of control over me and it has been said before that she may be a bit envious. I dont believe that she has treated me very nicely in the past as she has been violent with me a few times, but I love her and she has apologised profusely for this and we have always gotten over it.

 

She has stopped talking to me. I feel quite in turmoil about it. Since I have been with my boyfriend, who she gets on well with and likes, she has been getting very angry with me. I dont know if its to do with that or if its to do with her relationship problems at the moment, as I know she is not happy.

 

She has gotten really angry with me recently (verbally) which is not uncommon to be honest, over the slightest thing, and now has decided that she is not talking to me. Its been nearly 3 weeks now and she didnt even wish me a happy new year for the first time in all our lives. I felt hurt. She has a beautiful 6 year old girl, my niece, who I love dearly. My mum refuses to get involved in our spats any longer and I feel like she turns a blind eye.

 

Though I have anger in me too at times, I am quite patient with people, or more so than her, and I believe I am kind and a lot more passive than she is. We have lots of mutual friends and my sister is fiercely protective of me and I know she loves me a lot.

 

Do you think that she is scared of losing me in a way. I dont know what to do about it this time. We nearly fell out in a big way a while back as she hit me in one of our arguments but we sorted it out and got really close again. She is always punishing me it feels like, I just want her to be happy for me that I am happy finally.....

[alli]

Your sister kind of reminds me of mine, as she likes to try to make all my decisions for me. She is not violent like your sister. That is absolutely unacceptable in my eyes. If I were you, I might send her a message telling her your feelings without coming off as saying "it's all your fault". Did she act like this when you were with your bf 5 years ago? Maybe she feels like you are ignoring her more because your attention is going to your bf. But honestly with how immature your sister is being, I would probably just continue to not talk to her.

 

The odds are that one day you will be close again. At that time, I would let her know in no uncertain terms that you will not accept her hitting you ever again. One more time & that's it, no more chances for reconcilliation.

 

Your mom is right to stay out of this. You were legally an adult 15 years ago & it is not her job to play mediator anymore or take sides. You two need to fight your own battles without dragging other family members into the middle of it.

[mca1975]

Thank you, yes she was like this when I had a boyfriend before yes, so there is a pattern there. However, she has a boyfriend, even tho she is not totally happy, but she has been happy up until recently. She has a lovely little girl too. Ive always been the one who is lonely and wanting a relationship, I live on my own and have been binge drinking for the last 5 years, and now a great man comes along for me and she cant even be happy for me. What does she expect, me to be single and there for her for the rest of my life, its my bloody life! sorry im so angry with her aswell...