I don't know how to stop feeling Jealous about his Ex

[CE102]

My BF was with his ex for over 3 years and they were to be married but she broke it off saying she’d fallen out of love but they remained very good friends and would meet up every couple of weeks for coffee and a chat.

He was open about it when our relationship developed, before he did not mention it at all. When he told me that actually they remained friends etc.. I told how I felt (That I was very uncomfortable with it, I never said the way I looked at it was right and his was wrong, I just said I know me and I don’t get it, don’t really like it and don’t really know how I could accept it) So after a couple of months he broke all contact out of the blue. I never asked that of him but he stated he felt pressured by me to do something about it, instead of letting it phase out.

 

I get that me saying I was really unhappy about it made him feel it will damage our relationship if he doesn’t do something about it sooner rather than later. He went on and on about how he sees her like he sees his males friends and cannot get why I feel insecure or think that there are some feelings still there. I keep trying to tell him he was going to marry her and was willing to spend the rest of his life with her but he says it was never right and he felt pressured to ask her, because she asked him months before and he said no. But he admits he never would of broken it off.

 

So a month passed with no contact then I found out he sent her an email, now I get why as she was involved in a car accident and he’s just being a nice guy, that is why I like him but he also gave her his email address and said she could contact him anytime for a chat etc..

I got told about this, as some of his friends partners are still friends with her, so I asked him about it and he omitted the part about the emailing to me until I challenged him and he admitted it. I asked was he ever going to tell me he had made contact with her and he said No as I’d get upset.

This was a month ago now, I was on the verge of breaking up with him, the reason was, I never asked him to break contact but he did and promised he’d not see her no more or contact her, then he broke that promise and worse for me was it felt like he was reaching out to her.

He says he was not he was just trying to say she can contact him if she wants due to his email. Am I over reacting? He thinks I am, he says its not like he cheated or met up with her, but I keep trying to say, I don’t know what you’re up to, you went round to stop contact when I was at work, completely unaware that they was at her house discussing me, then he messages her when I was at work. I don’t have access to your emails etc.. (Although he’s offered the passwords over and over saying he has nothing to hide, but I keep saying no, I Really don’t want to go down that road).

 

The thing is, some day’s I feel ok, secure and happy that he wants me, or he’d be begging her to get back etc… then other days I feel he’s settling with me cause he can’t have her. Is this normal? How do I overcome that? I’ve tried talking to him but its awkward as I’m sure you can imagine.

He says she did not reply to the message she sent and says he feels ok about it, he does not believe she is mad with him, she’s backing off because of the problems it caused him sending the message, although he says no-one has told him what she thinks, Who knows.

 

I know on the grand scheme of things its not the biggest deal in the world, but it is to me at times so how do I truly move on? Will I always feel like because if So is it better to move on or ride the wave. Everyone has a past after all. Some day’s I wonder is it a good idea to meet her and then I can see for myself, although generally I feel there’s nothing worse for me. She’s the only Girl he was going to Marry, and she broke his heart, why would I put myself through that.

I think I blabbering on now so will leave it to you guys to let me know what you think

 

Thanks for reading.

[Cuppedia]

I don't think what you are feeling is insecurity, I think you are genuinely concerned because something doesn't seem right.

It depends how much you want this guy but there's not much you can do if he really wants to talk to his ex, you can't force him to change whatever he thinks they have.

He has lied and he keeps doing something he knows there's no reason to do, sounds enough to break up with him.

[mentalrape]

If your relationship is filled with love, and the two of you can't get enough of each other.. He should be willing to COMPLETELY sever ties with this woman.

 

...PERIOD

 

IF both of you share the same intense love, care, and compassion for each other, he should drop her like a bad habit.

 

And he should have NO gripe about it.

 

If you continue to have this problem in the future it is clear that he still has a need to have a back burner even though he has you. Which is BAD.

 

SIDE NOTE : Not relative to your issue.. I know that MY posts thus far are relative to my completely unstable relationship with a girl who clearly is not trustworthy, but I do know what is right and wrong in a relationship, and can generally give sound advice on most topics.. If I was to be an outsider looking in on MY relationship, I would say to get out get out get out... But, as I have said in a recent post, I am just enjoying the "show" with my current "girlfriend"... at times, it can be funny how she acts, and it is something to do right now.