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Will absence make the heart grow fonder?


ziggie31

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For a bit of backstory, my boyfriend and I have been going through a very rough patch recently (you can look through all my older posts for more detail, especially "Has he fallen out of love?"). Basically, it feels like he's growing apart and more distant. We've been fighting a lot and I've been really stressed and emotional. He doesn't know how to deal with me when I'm upset, which is quite often now. It's really an ugly situation.

 

I'm toying with the idea of taking a break for a little while so that maybe we can get some breathing room and think about things with a clear head. The only problem is, I'm afraid the gap between us will widen until we grow apart completely.

 

I love him a lot and I really don't want to lose him. I want to do what it takes to keep our relationship together, and if that means taking a break so I can get myself together and give him the space he wants, I'm willing to. I'm just afraid that instead of the intended effect (us realizing how much we mean to one another and bettering ourselves to make things work out) this just may be the first step into the final breakdown of our relationship. Especially with the "fallen out of love" vibe I've been getting recently, I'm really afraid this just may make it easier for him to leave me.

 

Is a break a good or bad idea? What should I do?

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Look at my quote at the bottom, my signature line.

 

I fully believe in it because it has happened to me. I dated someone fairly seriously (no sex) but to the point that he said things like we would be together forever, he wanted me to have his child, and saying he loved me. Then suddenly he stopped talking to me for about 3 weeks. Finally he started talking to me again, but never says "LOVE" anymore and I found out through the grapevine that he is seeing other women, while still trying to talk to me. pshhh! WHATEVER....I found this quote while I was hurting over him and realized we were such a small fire...we fizzled. So over him, now if only I could figure out how to block him from messaging me?? lol

 

Sorry i took over a bit...but truly things will work if only you the faith that they will.

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I don't know if I agree with breaks, per-say. If you do decide to take a break, be sure to lay down all ground rules first. In this case, your best bet may be to work things out together, rather than separating. Seek counselling if you must, but if you want this relationship to go back to being happy and satisfying, you both have to do something. Spending time apart probably won't automatically fill in the gaps as far as what this relationship is lacking right now.

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My ex broke up with me almost 3 months ago. We're not friends, we don't talk though we do see each other from time to time and he just doesn't give a crap. So in my case, having someone who was my best friend for 4 years and who worshipped the ground I walked on for 2, then suddenly up and left and stopped talking to me altogether... I'd say my absense from his life hasn't phased him one bit.

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sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt. You cant go into the intentions of a break salvaging a relationship. You have to go into the break knowing that it can go either way. If your not ready to handle that then dont do it just yet. You say you fight all the time. Choose your battles, if you really wanna salvage things dont get as aggressive. You be the adult and suck up the anger and pride and talk to him calmly and with concern.

 

If you do decide to go through this break, really think about if its worth continuing or not. Is the spark gone? if so, it can be rekindled. ive done it before. It just takes work and effort and thats where you need to ask yourself, is it worth it?

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