Is it inappropriate or am I asking too much?

[user334]

My ex and I had a pretty ugly break-up last semester, during which I started dating someone else briefly (no commitments, just dates), and he slept with one of my best friends.

 

Needless to say, we were pretty angry at each other for a while.

And also needless to say, that particular girl and I are no longer friends. For a lot of reasons, including that one.

 

However, after a few months, my ex and I realized we really do belong together. It has taken a lot of maturity and healing to get past the things that hurt us.

 

We're trying to start over, with a clean slate. But I feel really uncomfortable with the idea of him and my ex-friend hanging out alone. I know it's unreasonable to ask them to stop seeing each other completely--he ended it with her, and I know he would never cheat or lie. But it feels inappropriate, given what happened between the two of them, for them to hang out one-on-one. It's too intimate, and the idea makes me feel pretty sick.

 

I don't plan on seeing the guy I started dating one-on-one.

 

Am I asking too much? Does it seem like I don't trust him? I haven't spoken to him about it yet, because I'm worried he'll tell me we'll never work if we don't trust each other. But it's not about that--and I can't help feeling the way I feel.

 

Help?

[Cognitive_Canine]

No, you are not asking too much. It is expected that he'll not hang out one-on-one with a woman he slept with.

[ladybug726]

Uh, what? Why does he want to keep hanging out with her one-on-one? That is no way too much to ask. That he would even ask you to accept it is BS, IMO.

[HeartGoesOn]

If he really does love and respect you, he wouldn't even think of spending time alone with the other girl.

 

You need to put your foot down here, and if he refuses to, I would see this for what it is, which is, "there's more to this than meets the eye."

 

Wishing you the best...

[alli]

Exactly, I do not think it is appropriate for them to hang out alone, nor do I see why he would even want to. Tell him exactly what you said here: it makes you uncomfortable, you are not planning to hang out one on one with that other guy you dated & you are asking him to do the same.

[Kalika]

While I commend your desire to heal the rift between you two, it's clearly not healed if this one issue can't be resolved without you coming here for advice... NO, you're not being unreasonable. He is being unrealistic if he expects you to be OK with this.

[user334]

We were all friends before the break-up and their unfortunate decision to have sex.

 

The thing is, I was angry she hadn't considered my feelings in the matter, and she felt that the chance of a relationship with him was more important than my friendship, so we are no longer speaking.

 

But most of our mutual friends are still close to her, and my boyfriend doesn't want to end their friendship because of his mistake.

 

That's where he's coming from. I stand by my own initial post, but I figure this may enlighten the situation a bit more.

[alli]

They can be casual friends, maybe hang out in a group but one on one time? Absolutely not. I wouldn't want my bf hanging out with another girl one on one even if he hasn't dated her.

[catfeeder]

Too much to expect and too much to accept. It would be a dealbreaker for me, but not one I'd fight about.

 

No drama, just a clear no, thank you. That's not my definition of love.

 

In your corner.