Nothing Unique About My Whine.

[Biroc]

This may be a cry for help, obviously it is if I am posting in a public forum to untold numbers of people. And I know things can always get worse, and could be worse for me, but I hate my life anyways.

 

Allow me to provide a quick background to my pathetic lamentation here.

 

Everyone in my life (save for a handful of friends) have abandoned me because of how I am, or issues I have, or what have you. My mother, father, sister, Aunt, girlfriends; anywhere from a few weeks into the relationship to 7 years into it. It happens over and over like some bad joke.

 

So, I am sitting here after my most recent breakup from the most amazing, attractive, awesome girl I've ever known, and I have reached my limit. I have my friend Glock 21 here, and a bottle of rum, trying to figure a point to my existence. I know it sounds pathetic, and I know there's people in far off worse positions than I am in that continue to go forward with their lives. Hell, I've been worse off in some circumstances, like being homeless and all that.

 

But, I just don't give a * * * * anymore. Everyone has abandoned me because of how I am, and each of them has said as much. I am invalid, defective, * * * * ed up. I'm sick of bothering. Go to work, come home, what the * * * * is the point?

 

At least with my gun I could do something totally within my control and just give up. I am so sick of the same * * * * in' story that's been going on from day one.

 

Can't maintain a * * * * ing relationship. Family doesn't give a * * * * . I have a few friends I rarely see since I moved 1,400 miles away from them for a girl that led me to believe was forever. I can't write or draw worth a * * * * , the only things that I really care to do that could have given me any career opportunity, since my mother * * * * ed my schooling chances over. I hate my job, (but who doesn't?).

 

What the * * * * is the point. Has anyone figured that out yet? Either die of disease or old age, and if my life keeps going on like this, old age would be a curse. Why not just take your favorite gun, and do something for yourself, at least you have some control over that. At least I did that to myself instead of someone else, or life doing it to me.

 

I'm sorry if this all sounds emo or harsh, but it's how I feel right now.

[WindowTo]

Hey just because there may be people who you consider to be in worse of situations doesn't mean your emotions aren't valid. Everyone's life is different and everyone is different so your feelings are totally valid. Of course nobody has all the answers but from my point of view there are so many places to look for meaning and purpose in life. Things go badly all the time, there is no doubt, but frankly if you feel like what you are doing is fullfilling you then its all good, if not there is unlimited opportunity to change what you are doing. For example, I have found that my purpose and goal in life is to ultimately help people communicate and foster a sense of community, this has manifested itself in that I want to become and American Foreign Service Officer (Diplomat) for the U.S. State department. So for me it was a career/lifestyle sort of change that made me feel better, but to be honest before I found what I like to now call my purpose, I felt like there was something HUGE missing in my life and it ruined many other things in my life such as relationships.

 

You cannot expect other people to provide you with what you cannot provide for yourself, they can simply improve it or make it more bearable/fun. So yea, you have good reason to feel * * * * ty now, but don't feel bad for youself, make yourself proud by doing whatever fullfills you no matter what the stakes are, in my experience things fall in to place, or at least are much more likely to fall into place, if you are doing that.

 

Good luck

[weegee]

Life isn't about dyeing its about living. If your at the end of your wit and you have a gun in your hand, your about about to to the last thing in you're life why does it matter if you take a risk. Sorry kinda bad at making points, just bear with me.

 

Why not quite your job and go on vacation or just do something you have always wanted to do. You have nothing holding you back now, since you want to die. So just soba up put your gun away and leave your old life behind or live it with those few who you menchioned who do like you.

 

Anything is better then death so do want you wanna do with your life and leave all the things that get you down behind.

[Biroc]

I can't quit my job, I have bills to cover. I just don't understand why everyone in my life can cast me away so easily. Why am I so forgettable? They always feel bad for me, not for the fact that they are casting me away, not for the fact that I am leaving them. It's just the kinda, pat-on-the-head I get every time. No one has been able to handle how I am, and I get told the same sorry * * * * in' story every time. It's always somethin' I've done. from my mother, to the most recent girl I have been with.

 

There's a consensus, so maybe there is something to it. Maybe they are right. Maybe I should just drink like I am now and disappear. I am so * * * * in' tired of trying, to get told the same thing. Maybe...just maybe, some people have no point. even my drug addict, psychotic sister can manage to keep a relationship, even she has a better relationship with my mother than I do. What the * * * * is wrong with me?

 

I think I should just disappear. It would eliminate me from the equation, and I wouldn't have to hear how bad I * * * * things up, or be told what's wrong with me all of the time.

[weegee]

If you where in a relationship for 7 years then maybe you aren't as bigger * * * * up as you think. I have lost plenty of friends dew to how i am but i refuse to change. My girlfriend has nearly broken up with me as well because i wouldn't change. And my parents treat me like an unwanted guest or relative staying over while my coke head of a sister is treated like a equal with my parents and my aunts who don't even acnolege me. But i know that its not my fault who i am, if they want me to change so much then they didn't want me to begin with. You should think the same way.

 

If people don't like you for you then find someone else and someone else until you meet someone who does understand you and you feel a special connection(friend of girlfriend).

 

And bills don't matter when your dead so why do they matter when you ahve nothing to lose, and since your willing to kill yourself i will assume you ahve nothing to lose.

 

Hope you see that suicide isn't the answer.

 

Oh and if what i said above sounds to hard for you mentally then consider changing, the point is to do something that works for you.

 

I'm going to bed soon and i will check this thread when i wake up. i For one hope to see that your ok.

[Biroc]

I have to worry about bills as long as I am around, otherwise I'd be homeless. I can't do that again.

 

And it's the very fact that a relationship of almost 7 years ended that makes me feel worse. And even more so with the most recent one. My god, she is so amazing. And I fell in love with her little boy too, and he started calling me dad and she was ok with it, and now it's gone and I * * * * in' blew it. I can't keep doing this. I hate my life, I hate myself, I hate that I was ever * * * * ing born. Why couldn't have my mother just had an abortion so I wouldn't have had to deal with everything, and everyone else would have been free from my existence. Things would be so much simple without me complicating things. It's what I keep getting from people. I am a complication, a mess, a burden.

 

* * * * life.

[amipushy]

If you want to figure out the point of your existence, put the gun down and the rum away, neither have the answer and neither are your friend. Only when those are removed will you understand what you have to do to make changes to your so called crappy life. Its because you have them in your life, that your life is crappy , not the other way around.

[Biroc]

I only drink because life does turn to * * * * , I don't do it regularly. The best conclusion I can make, for as many times as been pointed out to me, is that I am the problem. It's the same story every time, like I am paying penance or something.

[Biroc]

No surprise, I don't have the courage to kill myself. I just feel like drinking and smoking all the time, anything to shut my mind up. I can't stop thinking about the most amazing girl I've lost, because I am * * * * ed in the head.

 

God, I love and miss her so much, and she hates me now. What the * * * * is the point. It just keeps happening, everyone pushes me away, why am I so easily cast aside? Why am I so forgettable?

[amipushy]

I only drink because life does turn to * * * * , I don't do it regularly. The best conclusion I can make, for as many times as been pointed out to me, is that I am the problem. It's the same story every time, like I am paying penance or something.

 

If you are the problem, you are also the solution.

[Biroc]

Here is some confusion.

So I ask this last girl that if she only fell in love with the things I had to say to her and not me, and she said yes.

 

Why is it I keep hearing that it is me that is the problem, from family, to friends to girlfriends, I keep being told the same thing.

[amipushy]

Here is some confusion.

So I ask this last girl that if she only fell in love with the things I had to say to her and not me, and she said yes.

 

I don't see what makes you to blame. I think you take everything personally and deeply. Shrug it off, if didnt work out so move on to someone who will love you for you and your words.

 

 

Why is it I keep hearing that it is me that is the problem, from family, to friends to girlfriends, I keep being told the same thing.

 

Like I said, you take everything personally and deeply, you let their words burn and you seem to treat them as another layer of **** to pile on top of you and bury you when you should take them separately and learn from them one by one, removing each layer as go. If you do that from now on the burden will lift and you will be stronger for it.

[Biroc]

I take words harshly because I keep getting told similar things by people. So I withdraw, and don't want people to get to know me, because I keep being told similar things.

 

It's hard to shrug it off when people who should have been there for you abandoned you, and people keep abandoning you, for similar reasons.

[Biroc]

I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I lost the perfect girl for me, and I am just sick of trying. I am sick of the process. I am sick of opening up to someone so they get to know me, only to have the same thing happen every time.

 

I want love, marriage, kids, but I feel like it will never happen. I just don't understand how these girls I have been with can say such wonderful things to me, how they can say that I am so much better than anyone they've ever been with, but it doesn't ever last, and in some cases, it doesn't even last as long as their relationships to the supposed bad ones that they have been with last. What is wrong with me?

[amipushy]

There's nothing wrong with you, you feel the same as everyone does. The break-up threads are full of people who feel just like you but when you follow their stories over the months, you see them grow, heal and recover, they also move on and find new love like you will, sometimes it doesnt work out, sometimes it does.

 

Its part of life I'm afraid and something everyone goes through but the reason why they all stick around is because they don't want to miss out on that one person who comes into their lifes and makes them complete.