franfran Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I am in complete SHOCK right now.... I knew this woman was old, but I didn't know she was THAT old (No offense to people older than me, I just think she's old in this situation) Don't bother telling me I need to get over it and stop dwelling on this woman, I already know. I cannot believe MY 22 YEAR OLD EX LEFT ME FOR A 36 YEAR OLD!!! WhattttTF!!! I just found this out five minutes ago if you can't tell. Thoughts? Comments? I don't even know what to say. Does this happen often? What the hell made him leave me for someone so much older, it's not like he's got his life together, he's not even in school (cause I'm not paying for it anymore) and he lives with his parents!!!!! This is so weird to me cause I was kind of the one who kept him together, so maybe he just needed a real mommy. OMG! Sick!!! Please, people, enlighten me for I have no idea what to think about this. I am dumbfounded. Am I overreacting about the age gap? Those two ages just seem so extreme to me....totally different points in life.. to me, at least. Not to mention this fun experience: Link to comment
confused25 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I bet you he's just using her for her money. Just be glad that he's no longer using you as a source of income to pay for his school! Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Compatability is about so much more than age or looks. People are frequently surprised when someone leaves them for someone older or less attractive, but good sex and a relationship is more about how the couple meshes as individuals than just one quality like looks or age. I know someone who tends to date older women and he says the reason why is there is less gameplaying with them, and they aren't as high maintenance and don't get into as much drama as younger women do... older women are frequently more comfortable in their own skin, and have a lot of personal and sexual experience that can make them very interesting both in and out of bed. That is a reasonably large gap between them, but if he is not looking for a serious relationship or marriage right now, but just a girlfriend who makes him happy, perhaps this woman can offer him that. At 22, he will probably go thru several more girlfriends before he settles into marriage, so i doubt he is thinking anything permanent with her now anyway (and didn't with you either), so it is nothing personal. Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 when i was 20 i dated a 32yr.. it could be many reasons... i personally learned alot about women on what they want and how to treat them... I called it MILF UNIVERSITY.... Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 He likes the cougars. lol. Like BSBH said, he's 22. He's going to go through a lot more girlfriends. Link to comment
franfran Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 That is a reasonably large gap between them, but if he is not looking for a serious relationship or marriage right now, but just a girlfriend who makes him happy, perhaps this woman can offer him that. Thanks bsbh, I can agree with that. I also agree that compatibility usually doesn't have anything to do with age, but I just think that a 22 and 36 are just way different. Maybe I'm wrong cause I don't know what it's like to be 36. If it was 36 and 46 then okay....more of the same maturity level here. But 22? Come on. Link to comment
NewPhillyGuy Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 franfran, First of all, I read your thread about your ex showing up at a party with the new girl. I can't blame him for bringing her, but if he was showing off around you, that is not necessary. That says alot about his character. I admit that I'm attracted to older women too - 30-35 range. I just get along with them better. The women I have met in their 20s were just so shallow and flaky. I cannot stand them. The ones I have met are stuck up, daddy's princess type. Then, you have the women who never quite left the college frat party scene - bars and drinking, hop from guy to guy, this is all they know. I want someone who's more focused, has direction in life. Women in this age range reading this - try not to be offended. This is just based upon my own experience. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 fran, What they see in each other is any bodies guess. What they will see in each other in 6 months will be totally different. He will use her up until somone else comes along just like he used you and still uses his parents. The age gap to you is just one more injury in the painful breakup. This isn't about you, it is about who he is and what he will do to live his life. Maybe only an older woman had enough money to support him. Maybe your right and he has finally found a mommy that will take care of him and that he gets to have sex with......ewww! Sounds like he is making it easy for you to see why you shouldn't be with him. lost Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 when i was 20 i dated a 32yr.. it could be many reasons... i personally learned alot about women on what they want and how to treat them... I called it MILF UNIVERSITY.... LMAO! When I was in my early twenties the dirty little secrecy among us guys was that older women were easier to get into bed and do crazy sexual things then women our age. That sadly is the main reason. Link to comment
franfran Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 when i was 20 i dated a 32yr.. it could be many reasons... i personally learned alot about women on what they want and how to treat them... I called it MILF UNIVERSITY.... How long did you date for? Why'd you break up? If you don't mind me asking... I just personally couldnt date anyone so much older than me so I'm trying to understand haha Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 LMAO! When I was in my early twenties the dirty little secrecy among us guys was that older women were easier to get into bed and do crazy sexual things then women our age. That sadly is the main reason. Oh and yes that another reason why... LOL Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I would not concentrate on her age. You are hurt because he broke up with you, i do not think it would hurt less if she were your age. Truth is MANY men do like older women, and if she is 36 many women are in their prime around that age and they are also usually much more settled, so the attraction is easy to understand in my opinion. To be honest, and not to diss younger people, I am far more surprised that she wants a 22 year old man then i would be that a 22 year old man would fall for a 36 year old woman. Link to comment
franfran Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 LMAO! When I was in my early twenties the dirty little secrecy among us guys was that older women were easier to get into bed and do crazy sexual things then women our age. That sadly is the main reason. I totally agree with you only because this is how my ex is!!! I'm glad that's the main reason fortunateone, I really am. Shows how shallow he really is. They started off as F buddies and now I think they're "falling" for each other after I saw that sick little display of affection she gave him right in front of me. Some 36 year old she is. Link to comment
franfran Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 I would not concentrate on her age. You are hurt because he broke up with you, i do not think it would hurt less if she were your age. Truth is, I'm glad she's older, I actually would probably be more hurt if he left me for someone our age... not really sure why, maybe cause then we'd be more comparable? I dont know. Either way it doesn't matter though, I don't want him back, I haven't for awhile, I am just getting over the initial shock of this whole thing right now. Whew. Thank you jaded! Link to comment
bmwm3 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 How long did you date for? Why'd you break up? If you don't mind me asking... I just personally couldnt date anyone so much older than me so I'm trying to understand haha I dated her for 6 months... well we broke up because we were in different stages in life.. i broke up with her.. but i actualy see dating an older women when i was younger a postive thing.. like i said i learned alot from her.. how to treat women right, what they like and dont.. i think any future gf after her should be happy about it.. because they were treated better then if i had not dated an older women.. Link to comment
jengh Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 fran, normally, i would do the whole, "age is just a number", blah blah blah crap...but in this case, it looks like he's trying to find someone to take care of him. You said it yourself--YOU paid for his school, he lives with his parents... of course he needs someone to mother him. It doesn't surprise me one bit that this woman is a lot older. You're better off, trust me Not that it makes it any easier, of course. Link to comment
franfran Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 You're better off, trust me Not that it makes it any easier, of course. Ohhh but it does, haha. Thanks cairo Link to comment
SadOldMan Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My ex was 16 years younger than me and we stayed together for 13 years. It's certainly just a number if you're both on the same page. I personally don't see the big deal. His life, his choices. Link to comment
livinginsbi Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 The allure of the older woman is that... maturity... for me i know where I am in life, I have a career, make decent money, I know what I want, I'm sexually more comfortable with myself...and it's not that I am an easy lay, but if sex is what I want.. I go for it. I have a 20-something male friend... and he has dated a few 20-somethings... and I cannot believe some of the drama he goes through with them. They treat him like a door mat most of the time. Link to comment
franfran Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 My ex was 16 years younger than me and we stayed together for 13 years. It's certainly just a number if you're both on the same page. I personally don't see the big deal. His life, his choices. Thanks SOM. I'm trying not to make it a big deal (Even though I totally am! Look at me, haha!!) I completely agree with you in that it's just a number if you're on the same page, but.... my ex has no direction in life, still lives at home with his parents, has three low paying jobs... while she is a project manager of some company and drives an Audi... Not so much on the same page, but maybe she is babying him.. I took care of him but I'm his age, so I guess there is a difference. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Maybe he wants a sugar mama (someone to take care of him) and hence that explains the appeal, especially if all she wants is a boy toy to play with now and again and doesn't want to get serious either. Link to comment
franfran Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 and he has dated a few 20-somethings... and I cannot believe some of the drama he goes through with them. They treat him like a door mat most of the time. Totally and completely true, girls my age are nothing but pain in the A's! I know, I'm friends with them, haha! But I treated my ex with the utmost respect at all times, he was my prince. I'm way more put together than him too, so he can't blame me for being immature. (Can't tell with this thread I just created, but can you blame me haha). Anyway thank you for your response Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Thanks SOM. I'm trying not to make it a big deal (Even though I totally am! Look at me, haha!!) I completely agree with you in that it's just a number if you're on the same page, but.... my ex has no direction in life, still lives at home with his parents, has three low paying jobs... while she is a project manager of some company and drives an Audi... Not so much on the same page, but maybe she is babying him.. I took care of him but I'm his age, so I guess there is a difference. I am sure that she is doing something that fills a need in him, and vice versa. Not all people in their 30s are very well put together emotionally. And if she was doing all of the PDA you mentioned in your last thread she isn't all that mature either because I could NEVER do such a thing if i was at the same event as my SO's ex knowing they just broke up. I would have more class and empathy for the women if they had just broken up and wouldn't be all over him like that. It didn't speak well for either of them to behave that way. Surely they could have practiced some restraint knwoing you were likely still hurting. Just move forward knowing you dodged a bullet with that one and didn't spend too much time in the relationship. Link to comment
franfran Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Maybe he wants a sugar mama (someone to take care of him) and hence that explains the appeal, especially if all she wants is a boy toy to play with now and again and doesn't want to get serious either. I'm banking on this but their behavior I witnessed last night (she climbed all over him right in front of my face) tells me otherwise. Either way.....who cares. I'm gonna fret about it on here and then when I turn off the computer I'm not going to give a F anymore, this is just stupid. He is stupid. Link to comment
franfran Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 And if she was doing all of the PDA you mentioned in your last thread she isn't all that mature either because I could NEVER do such a thing if i was at the same event as my SO's ex knowing they just broke up. I would have more class and empathy for the women if they had just broken up and wouldn't be all over him like that. I know, right. I am 21 and I can honestly say, I would never do something like that. Makes me sick. I think it's safe to say that says a lot about her level of maturity. Just move forward knowing you dodged a bullet with that one and didn't spend too much time in the relationship. Maybe Im just reading this wrong, but unfortunately, I did put a lot of time into the relationship. My heart and soul. He was my very best friend for 4 years and we were together, STRONG, for 2 years. Then he up and left for....well...obviously. Maybe 4 years isn't a long time? Sure is to me when you know someone so well for so long. I've adopted the "Oh Well" attitude and I'm going to use it right now. Link to comment
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