mfurb33 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Guys and gals, this may seem insignificant, but I want the advice and thoughts of others to see if I'm blowing things out of proportion or how some of you would look at this and ultimately deal with it. My gf is home for break and we've had a great time, etc..etc..We made a "wish list" of sorts of what we wanted to do together since being in an ldr makes it tough. One of the things she really wanted to do was go to a pro b-ball game. I hooked up with 4 tickets (free) through my company, and actually went as far as inviting her 2 friends from school up (I've met them once) as a good gesture. I work early, it's a 2-hour drive (game is on Wednesday), so it's already a late night for me. So last night she asks how late I'm willing to be home, and if I would consider grabbing a bite to eat afterwards. I responded that it would be a late night anyways, and that we (the 4 of us, I presumed) could stop halfway home and eat or whatever. So then she mentions that 3 of her friends in the city where the game is were wanting to meet us there, after the game, to eat and hang out. That really isn't something that I wanted to do...drive around a city I'm not familiar with, waiting on these people and ending up getting home way later than if we stopped for a quick bite halfway home. So then she drops this on me: "How do you feel about driving separate?" Instantly, I was irate. I got her free tickets, invited HER friends, set up this whole deal as a favor for her (I wouldn't of went if she didn't want to), will already be dragging at work the next day, and she had the nerve to suggest that I drive back home ALONE for 2 hours so she can go eat with some buddies? Maybe I'm missing something here...but does anyone else see how sh*tty that is to even consider?!?! I have lost all will to even go to this game anymore. I have such a bad taste in my mouth, I don't even know what to think. Thoughts? I'm looking for a way to just let this drop, but I feel so used and unappreciated (not that I need some exalting from her), that I really can't get over it. Link to comment
Iceman26 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 That would be my question. Have you let her know that you are upset by all of this? Link to comment
alli Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Sometimes people don't realize how inconsiderate they are being. She probably honestly does not realize why you would be upset about this. I have a similar example. I live with my bf a few hours away from where my parents live. When we went to my parents' for Christmas, my bf wanted us to go hang out with his friend who lives an hour away from my parents (4 hours from where we live). I didn't like that idea (I rarely see my family), so he suggested he just go by himself. Hello? We are visiting my family on Christmas, there for less than a day & he just wants to leave? He saw the look on my face & dropped that idea. Tell her- without getting pissed- that you feel it is rather inconsiderate that you did all the planning, getting the tickets, inviting a couple of her buddies & willing to be dragging at work the next day, all so the two of you can have a good time. And she wants you to drive home alone so she can continue without you. It's only 2 hours, if she wants to see her buddies she should make it a separate event on a different night. Link to comment
mfurb33 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Oh yes, I definitely let her know how I felt about it. I don't have a temper or anything, so it's not like I made her cry...but I definitely let her know how I felt and how inconsiderate I felt it was, etc...etc... I mean, all she can say is sorry, which she has...but I just can't get past the selfishness of the idea even being brought up, and really just feel like it's just going to be a disappointment because she won't be able to do what she apparently wanted to do (which would of left me feeling as used as a mechanics grease towel). I just can't seem to shake it because I felt it was just soooooo selfish and can't even believe she suggested what she did. I just have absolutely no desire to follow through with these plans. Arrgh!!! Link to comment
alli Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Oh yes, I definitely let her know how I felt about it. I don't have a temper or anything, so it's not like I made her cry...but I definitely let her know how I felt and how inconsiderate I felt it was, etc...etc... I mean, all she can say is sorry, which she has...but I just can't get past the selfishness of the idea even being brought up, and really just feel like it's just going to be a disappointment because she won't be able to do what she apparently wanted to do (which would of left me feeling as used as a mechanics grease towel). I just can't seem to shake it because I felt it was just soooooo selfish and can't even believe she suggested what she did. I just have absolutely no desire to follow through with these plans. Arrgh!!! Alright, well you let her know you are not ok with it, she apologized & took it back. What more can she do? People have lapses in judgment sometimes. Like my bf wanting to go to his friends house when we were supposed to be visiting my parents for Christmas. She just wasn't seeing things though your perspective & probably didn't think it would be that big of a deal for you to go home so you could sleep & her to visit her friends since she was there. Now she knows how you feel & it's not going to happen. People make mistakes. Let it go. Link to comment
wurth_skidder Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I would find someone else to go or some way to pass the tickets along at least. That way someone gets to enjoy the game. I agree with you, though. I don't think going is a good idea anymore. I once drove 3.5 hours to see a girl I was engaged to at the time, and she was supposed to go to a party that I wasn't invited to and she wasn't comfortable taking me to. I got upset about it, and she ended up going anyway. That was pretty much the cause of us ending things. Link to comment
alli Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I would find someone else to go or some way to pass the tickets along at least. That way someone gets to enjoy the game. I agree with you, though. I don't think going is a good idea anymore. I once drove 3.5 hours to see a girl I was engaged to at the time, and she was supposed to go to a party that I wasn't invited to and she wasn't comfortable taking me to. I got upset about it, and she ended up going anyway. That was pretty much the cause of us ending things. I disagree. She has already apologized & decided not to hang out with other friends after the game. Unless you want to turn this into a bigger problem than what it is (that is, something that has already been resolved), try to accept that she isn't perfect & go through with your plans with your gf. Now, if she still decided to go out with her friends, as Skidder experienced with his former fiancee still going out without him, that would be a different story. Link to comment
wurth_skidder Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I disagree. She has already apologized & decided not to hang out with other friends after the game. Unless you want to turn this into a bigger problem than what it is (that is, something that has already been resolved), try to accept that she isn't perfect & go through with your plans with your gf. Now, if she still decided to go out with her friends, as Skidder experienced with his former fiancee still going out without him, that would be a different story. I suppose I agree with this. I would suggest talking to her further, though. It sounds like there's trepidation about whether she will be disappointed with the night if she doesn't hang out with her friends in the city afterward. Might be a good idea to find out how disappointed she'll be. Maybe it's not as big a deal as it seems. Link to comment
Shiva 2007 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I have a similar dilemma and experience. I have been off from work for two weeks and I was looking forward to enjoying some quite and quality time with my husband since we both have been going trough so much this past year. Yet he had already made plans to spend time with his entire family who was visiting from out of town.... I decided in turn to sulk and be miserable for not having him all to myself. I guess what I'm trying to say is that in relationships we have these expectations that are many times not being met. So it's a work in progress right? Just keep finding ways on how to best communicate with your loved one and hopefully they can eventually see that it's coming from a good place and not one of unfounded criticism. At least she apologized. Link to comment
mfurb33 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 ...as crappy as I feel about what she said, I'm still offering her and her friends the tickets to still go. I just don't feel like I want any part of it right now. I'm trying to come to terms, and I'm usually pretty good at getting past things like this, but man, this one just stung me bad for some reason... Link to comment
Shiva 2007 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 What would you want her to say to make it all better for you? Link to comment
alli Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 ...as crappy as I feel about what she said, I'm still offering her and her friends the tickets to still go. I just don't feel like I want any part of it right now. I'm trying to come to terms, and I'm usually pretty good at getting past things like this, but man, this one just stung me bad for some reason... Maybe because it was unexpected & uncharacteristically insensitive of her. We all have these things in our relationships that happen. How you deal with them is what matters. You have every right to be upset & fuming about this for awhile, but it's up to you if your going to turn it into a grudge & decide to be unforgiving. Link to comment
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I would probably feel just how you do. It sounds though like you may think slightly poorly of her friends, because I am getting the sense that you're more mature than her and her friends. If you feel even a tiny bit like you're babysitting, it makes sense that you would be so angry. Link to comment
mfurb33 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 What would you want her to say to make it all better for you? Exactly. I don't know what she could say or do and it stinks, because I want to give her the benefit of the doubt of just not thinking and just move on, but I'm really hurt by the insensitivity. I doubt there really is anything she could say...I hate that I can't seem to let this go! I would probably feel just how you do. It sounds though like you may think slightly poorly of her friends, because I am getting the sense that you're more mature than her and her friends. If you feel even a tiny bit like you're babysitting, it makes sense that you would be so angry. ...ummmm, yes. As much as I'm whining like a child a bit about this, yes, there is a maturity difference and I definitely would not sacrifice any more sleep for the friends that she wanted to meet up with after the game. I really feel, however, that the sting of it is more the fact that she would ask me to basically be used to just get her and her friends to the game then I go home alone after I set all this crap up for her...no matter who the friends were or how I felt about them. Link to comment
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