And this is supposed to get easier?

[goldenexit]

My boyfriend and I dated for 6 months and there were a lot of ups and downs during that time. I thought that I was in love with him, him being the first guy that I ever really had a serious relationship with. He was the first guy I told I loved, slept with, etc. He always has dealt with depression, something that we discussed and I realized was much more serious than I originally thought. He started kind of seeing a therapist a few weeks into us dating, saying that I was the person who helped him get help. During the 6 months the problem that was most prevalent was him constantly forgetting to call, not making an effort to see me, and breaking plans. Now I realize when I say that it seems that this is just someone who wasn’t all that into me, but it didn’t seem that way. He told me how I was the closest person to him in his life and the most important relationship he had. Despite this the issues continued and a few times we sat down to evaluate our relationship and whether we should stay together. He was always the one saying that he wanted us to try again, that he felt like his depression hadn’t really given us a fair chance and that he wanted to try harder. But gradually things went back to how they were and nothing changed. We saw eachother far less frequently than I would have liked, and the effort to do anything was always on my part. Eventually his breaking plans and depression became too emotionally hurtful for me to continue the relationship. So we broke up. Originally we decided that it was going to be a break, that I would wait for him to really commit to therapy and medication and getting better. Things quickly started back to us acting like we were together, and with one last breaking of plans I told him that I wanted this to not be a break, but permanent.

 

We have talked a few times since then, I sent him an email telling him how I am positive he has serious depression and why I believe this. I realize that we can’t be together right now and I could never go back to dating him like we were. I still am holding on to hope though that he will get better and we can try things again. I feel so stupid, like I was forcing a relationship on someone who didn’t want to be with me. Why then did he always insist he wanted to keep trying and that I was so important to him, then the next day breakplans/forget to call? I know he is depressed and can barely take care of himself much less be in a relationship. Its only been 5 days now since we have had no communication and there are so many times I come close to texting him/calling him. I check his facebook like 10 times a day. I feel so ridiculously sad and angry, then feel bad that I am not more over him after a month. I know I can’t go back, but it seems like I can’t move on either. Its like im walking around with this disease or something, this situation is always always always on my mind. I know it takes time, but honestly how long? When will this get easier? How could I put so much effort into a relationship when I was getting so little out of it? Why is he the only person I want to talk to?

[mijo]

Don't worry you aren't alone.

 

I broke up with my ex in November and even though I know we couldn't go back to the relationship the way it was I so desperately want to be with him still. I know I am probably expecting miracles in a. him actually wanting to be with me again and b. him being able to change (he had serious low self-esteem and insecurity issues), but I miss him so much.

 

We were friends before and are currently trying to be friends again, but it is driving me mad. Every time I speak to him I feel so much better, but when I don't hear from him I feel so so down. I hate waking up and him being the first thought on my mind. I keep thinking he doesn't care about me the way I do about him, but still keep this glimmer of hope alive.

 

I know what u mean about it being constantly on your mind - like no matter what ur doing or thinking about they are still there in the back of your mind?

 

It does get easier. When we first broke up I couldn't do much else, but it has got easier. I'm not saying it's got easy, but it has got easier. You just need to keep yourself busy - you'll realise that you can still have a laugh without him. Look back over some old photos and remind yourself of what fun you had before he was a part of your life!