can't stand your friends s/o

[Penny_Lane]

Ok so I'm in a bit of a pickle here and I know many people have been through this: you can't stand your friends significant other.

 

He (the arrogant bf I can't stand) lives in Holland and she (one of my best friends) moved there from the Ohio to live with him. They came down to Ohio for the holidays and I joined them for 2 weeks. Let me just tell you, it was stressful as hell. He treats her well but thats about all I can say for him. He's extremely arrogant and often times he's quite rude. He's a smart ass to the point where it so annoying you don't even wanna have a conversation with his because all he'll try to do is end the sentence. He always makes these wise ass remarks and little rude comments.

 

I've never told my friend how I feel and I don't plan to but my god, everyones just so tense when he's around, its like walking on egg shells. And we all had to share a house for 2 weeks, so you can imagine how many times I had to bite my tongue around him. It just sucks because when I want to hang out with my girl, I have to tolerate being around him too.

 

*sigh*

 

Any thoughts?

[gidget1]

as long as your friend is happy with him, you have to be supportive and happy for her as well. i know some of my friends have disliked my SO from time to time, and although they told me, i was glad they didn't show it when he was getting on their nerves.

i would have been really unhappy if they chose to not hang out with me when i was with him, i was just happy knowing that they "put up" with him to hang out with me, because they knew how happy he was making me.

not all personalities match!

[Penny_Lane]

I'm supportive and I'm happy with her, I just get so exhausted when he's around though. I'm a really easy person to get along with, seriously, I can make friends with just about anyone. You don't have to like what I like for me to get along with you.

 

One thing I don't tolerate though is rudeness. And he's rude. He's very subtle with it, but its still there and everyone can see it. I go out of my way to be nice to everyone and I don't appreciate his attitude sometimes. Why haven't I said anything? Well because most of the time we have to share a house when we're together and I don't wanna create any tension. We usually meet up in Ohio and we all stay at her moms house. I live in Toronto so its not like I can run home whenever I get sick of him. No, I have to bite my tongue and tolerate him for as long as I'm there. Its literally like walking on egg shells.

[greywolf]

Ugh.... That sucks.

 

I have the same problem with my cousin. My cousin and I get along so well and I love hanging out with her, but sometimes I can't stand her bf. He's nice to me but ech... He just needs to grow some balls. He's lazy and such a clinger. man.....

When I'm hanging out with her and he's not around he calls every other hour. sheesh.

[hmdreamer7]

Continue to be supportive of your friend by being cordial to him, but I think your friend will appreciate it if you be honest with her about your feelings. Let her know how you feel about this guy, I'm sure she will understand, especially knowing that you are doing your best to get along with him. If you really don't want to though, maybe find ways to hang out with your friend while he's not around, or stay somewhere else when visiting instead of sharing a house?

[Penny_Lane]

id love to not have to share a house with him whenever i go down but theres really no where else i can go. not to mention it would be silly for me to pay to stay somewhere when i can stay there (her moms house) for free. her mom doesnt like him either, like, at all because its the same thing as it is with me, he's rude to her.

 

anyway, i dont know if i should tell my friend how i feel, shes really in love with him. but i think i might bring up some times when he was rude to me.

[notsoanonymous]

Speaking from experience, your friend will not likely see your side of it. In another post about an altercation that happened at my house on NYE, I had to call the police to escort my friend's drunk and rude husband from my home. Our friendship is OVER. Granted, that was an extreme instance - but they have a foul marriage involving drugs, cheating, etc and so on during which she has left him twice in two years... But when he physically intimidates ME in my own home, she drops me. And I saw it coming...

 

Unless there is a documented reason (you know for a fact that he is abusive, cheating, into drugs, whatever) for her to leave him, don't get involved if you want to keep your friendship with this girl.

[Penny_Lane]

Speaking from experience, your friend will not likely see your side of it. In another post about an altercation that happened at my house on NYE, I had to call the police to escort my friend's drunk and rude husband from my home. Our friendship is OVER. Granted, that was an extreme instance - but they have a foul marriage involving drugs, cheating, etc and so on during which she has left him twice in two years... But when he physically intimidates ME in my own home, she drops me. And I saw it coming...

 

Unless there is a documented reason (you know for a fact that he is abusive, cheating, into drugs, whatever) for her to leave him, don't get involved if you want to keep your friendship with this girl.

 

She wouldn't cut me off as a friend for that, I'm still her girl.

 

I'm normally not one to get involved in other peoples business but this isnt about him and her. Whatever they wanna do in their relationship is their business and really none of my concern. But this is about him and I. Its the way he is with me. Rude. And for the record he's mostly rude to everyone else too (except for my friend/his gf). But I'm around them the most. How long can I keep biting my tongue? I don't get offended easily but he does it in a way that puts you down.

 

And maybe thats the way he is but I don't deserve it and I shouldn't have to take it. Seriously, EVERYONE is walking around egg shells when they're around him. She's seen him being rude before and she apologized to me on his behalf. But it still never stops. Its just so exhausting and everytime I think of talking to him about it I stop because like I said, I don't wanna create tension. And he's one of those people who never admits their wrong, like if I were to come up to him and talk to him about, he'd probably find some way to put the blame on me. He can only see black and white. Theres no gray.

[waveseer]

There are times to confront and times to avoid confrontation. If you're likely to not be around him very much, then I would suggest letting it go. If you're likely to be around him a lot, them I would mention to him what makes you uncomfortable without your friend around. Don't make a big deal, just say "when you say this, it makes me uncomfortable". If the behavior doesn't change then you always have the option not to be around him.

[Penny_Lane]

There are times to confront and times to avoid confrontation. If you're likely to not be around him very much, then I would suggest letting it go. If you're likely to be around him a lot, them I would mention to him what makes you uncomfortable without your friend around. Don't make a big deal, just say "when you say this, it makes me uncomfortable". If the behavior doesn't change then you always have the option not to be around him.

 

I dont see him alot but when i do see him, its usually whenever I stay with my friend (his gf) for at least 2 weeks at a time, several times a year. If you count up all the time I spend with them its quite alot.

 

Anyway, I don't know what I'm gonna do, I'm probably just gonna call him out next time and tell him not to be rude to me whenever he does. The thing is its always so subtle that it seems like its not worth it to confront him about it but it happens so often that it just keeps adding up.