I thought he was my friend, and yet he's dropped our friendship without batting an eyelid.

[ChaosOrder]

OK... so I'd been friends with this guy for 3 years while we were at university and I used to consider him one of my closest friends. Also at university I made friends with a girl who I eventually developed strong feelings for, though she had a boyfriend and so I never made an attempt to tell her how I felt. After knowing her for over 2 years, and at the end of university it got to the point where I knew I would have to say something. Then I find out that she has a crush on my guy friend, and I feel like everything is lost.

I eventually told her my true feelings a month after our university course had finished and was of course, rejected. What followed was a night out where the 2 of them got friendly and I ended up hitting him. (He knew exactly how I felt about her and had never been previously interested in her) We patch things up and I assume that this was just the result of a one time drunken act and that my friend really didn't mean to hurt my feelings.

3 months later, I find out that another night out had been planned for New Year (that being the New Year that has just passed) where the 2 of them would meet up again. I'm incredibly shocked since my friend had led me to assume that he wasn't interested in her and wasn't going to purposefully hurt my feelings. (In fact... he wasn't even the person who told me that the night out would take place, so would have done it without me knowing if he had the chance) I make it clear that I'm upset by the turn of events and that I'm shocked by his plans (especially considering that he never even liked her prior to finding out that she liked him) and he makes absolutely no effort to console me even though he knew how devastated I'd been by the ordeal. I send him an angry email that said that he was risking our friendship by acting this way and he just blanks me and ignores my calls/texts.

New Year has since passed, and he declares that they're now in a relationship, and that he had pretty much assumed that our friendship was over, so had no reason to contact me or anything. He makes no apology for his actions and basically says that he thinks it's pointless to remain friends anyway. In effect... one of my best friends for 3 years proves that he never really respected our friendship at all, and that he'd made up his mind that there was no point in trying to be nice to me if he was able to get a girl who he was never really interested in until he realised that she liked him.

It's not the fact that he's with someone who I have strong feelings for that gets to me. It's the fact that he made positively no effort to conserve our friendship at ANY point during this ordeal. Someone who I thought was a true friend seemed only to care about me when it was to his advantage.

Our friendship ended and he didn't even bat an eyelid, and I'm afraid that other people who I consider my close friends have the same mentality. After respecting him and trusting him for so long I almost feel like I can't rely on anyone else again. :sad:

I'm going to be going to a friend's birthday party in a few days and he'll be there as well. And I just know that whatever I say, he's not going to feel bad about what he's done, so I'm going to have to just leave it for fear of ruining my friend's birthday.

That's the end of my rant... not sure if I want advice or whatever; I just wanted to get all my thoughts down.

[BellaDonna]

What followed was a night out where the 2 of them got friendly and I ended up hitting him.

 

My guess is that this was a dealbraker for him. How did it happen?

[purpleduckie]

I don't think it's fair of you to hit him. It wasn't like he was up on your girlfriend, but even then, hitting someone is entirely uncalled for and I understand why he wouldn't really care about the friendship anymore.

 

If someone hits me, not only the friendship is over but the cops would be called.

[abitbroken]

I agree with BellaDonna. Being drunk is no excuse.

 

But...she is not interested in you. No amount of wanting to be with her is changing that. If you care about her, and care about your friend, you would just be happy for them. She was never your girlfriend so it is not like he stole her. The likelihood is that he didn't make a move on her...she was interested in HIM first.

 

When you like someone for them, it is important to decide if you would like to know them and have them in your life regardless of them wanting to be with you romantically or not. i would say being jealous has probably weirded them both out.

 

Do what you can to calm down, and maybe in the future you can mend friendships but everyone needs a cooling off period. But punching hitting someone will take a LOT of bygones to get over, that is for sure. I know the atitude is different about guy hitting another guy and some folks think its romantic for guys to be fighting over them, but not me.

[Balbina]

Your friend may have said he was not interested in her because of his friendship with her - and may have not even considered his true feelings until they sprung up.

 

While it sucks that they hooked up, you shouldn't have hit him. He seems like a pretty selfish guy and if he really gave up your friendship so easily, I do think there is more to him and the girl than you know.

 

I hope you find it in yourself to forgive them and move on with your life. Harboring bitterness and resentment will only effect YOU.

[LBP]

I will say this: sometimes guys get into tussles with each other, for the simple fact that we have testosterone and things get a little testy. Sometimes, you just want to wrestle, or something like that. You get drunk, some names fly, a bit of rolling around and everyone's happy in the end.

 

But you hit him because he was friendly with a girl that you never even got with. That's not brotherly fracas. That's like a kid throwing a temper tantrum because his parents wouldn't buy him a toy. I think the best thing would be to man up, apologize to your buddy and get on with your life one way or the other. From a neutral stand point, my opinion is that you're in the wrong, here.

 

Don't feel too bad about it - everyone makes mistakes like this. I know I have. Admit them, learn, and become a better person.