GoldenHillGuy Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 The back story: My ex called me on Christmas eve while I was in the airport to fly back home. I let it go to voicemail. She had finished rebinding a book of mine that I gave her last year after Christmas. She wanted to know if I wanted to pick it up, or meet, or have her mail it. I'm pretty sure she called on xmas eve because she wanted to find out where I was going. We spent the last 3 Christmases in my hometown with my parents together. And she was staying home this year. Anyways, she also text merry xmas on xmas day. I called her on the 27th I think. We ended up talking for 2 hours. Again, great conversation. It seems when we talk now, she's starting to share things about what hurt her. I guess it's good, because I like to know those things, and it also shows she trusts me a bit. I told her to do whatever is most convienient to her as far as the book goes. She pretty much insisted that I make the decision. So I told her I would call her when I get back. Well, I'm back, and I'm a bit unsure. I've gotten myself in a pretty good place again, and I think I can handle meeting her. I THINK! So, I'm just looking for suggestions keeping in mind which forum this is posted in. Link to comment
Sparkie Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 YES YOU SHOULD MEET!!! (Sorry for shouting!) How've you been? Link to comment
waltwhit Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Well, really my friend, you are the only one that can answer that, and to be honest I think you already have! So, some words of wisdom. Before you do, make sure that you have hashed out all....ALL the old issues, or they will be fair game again. Also, make sure enough time has passed. The only way getting back together ever works, and it usually doesn't, is when enough time has passed for both people to have grown. And that usually means grown in the areas they were weak in which caused the original breakup in the first place. That said, I also think that, when done properly, getting back together can be a very good and positive thing. Because you have two people who love each other, that have had their differences, have spent hopefully a long time apart experiencing other things and other people, and eventually have mutually realized that they don't want anything else out there and that the problems they had really weren't all that bad to begin with. And, most importantly, they both are willing to make the proper adjustments to make sure these problems don't plague them in the future. This, of course, is in an ideal situation. And that doesn't happen all the time. Usually, when you get back together, especially when only a small amount of time has passed, the initial breakup was just kind of a test run and the second or third is the real thing. you have to be really careful the second time around because remember, you have already broken up once. It is always easier for both parties the second time! Some food for thought, I suppose... Link to comment
littlestar Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 If you think you can handle it, go for it, just remember meeting someone when you havent fully healed can bring back a lot of emotions. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 YES YOU SHOULD MEET!!! (Sorry for shouting!) How've you been? I've been alright. How was your trip to UK? I suppose I will meet her. I have not initiated any contact at all with her. I wonder if she got scared. To the other posters. Yes, I've worked on myself tons. You can read my other thread about that. I know Sparkie and Diamond78 will tell me to meet her. LOL. You guys have been great! Any others? Link to comment
Pandaman211 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Hey man, I actually read your one thread a few weeks ago that was like 20 some pages about your ex, how you guys went on that plane and all that stuff how you took care of her and whatnot. So I figure I would answer since I know a lot about your situation, at least based on what you posted. If you feel ready to, I really think you should. She seems to be making meeting up and giving you a book a bigger deal than it really is, but thats just me. Was she just kind of out of the blue mentioning what made her made/upset during the relationship? Because if thats the case, or that she kinda just brought it up, could show shes starting to mature and change, like YOU did, and maybe beginning to think about it a lot more, maybe wanting to present it to you to see how you react, and based on that, she would start inching closer to one way or the other. I'm sure you did, so maybe this is true, I guess we'll see in the next week or two and things pan out. But you were there, you'll be able to tell if this is even a possibility. Good luck man! Link to comment
COtuner Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I've been alright. How was your trip to UK? I suppose I will meet her. I have not initiated any contact at all with her. I wonder if she got scared. To the other posters. Yes, I've worked on myself tons. You can read my other thread about that. I know Sparkie and Diamond78 will tell me to meet her. LOL. You guys have been great! Any others? I'd say go for it. Just try to keep it as casual as possible, and in a public place, I would think. Less pressure on everyone. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I've been alright. How was your trip to UK? I suppose I will meet her. I have not initiated any contact at all with her. I wonder if she got scared. To the other posters. Yes, I've worked on myself tons. You can read my other thread about that. I know Sparkie and Diamond78 will tell me to meet her. LOL. You guys have been great! Any others? Wow, you know me too well already. Yes, I say meet her and I must admit I shouted it out once I read your post just like Sparkie did.....hehe And goodness gracious boy, call her sometime. You're lucky she even still calls you herself. I'm not sayin....but I'm just sayin.... Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Wow, you know me too well already. Yes, I say meet her and I must admit I shouted it out once I read your post just like Sparkie did.....hehe And goodness gracious boy, call her sometime. You're lucky she even still calls you herself. I'm not sayin....but I'm just sayin.... HAHAHHA! She emailed me at work today. Got into a nice little email exchange. She was saying that our old co-workers that she is still friends with ask about me and us. I dunno why that stuck out, but anyways, she said she wished we had talked on the phone or over coffee because she was tired of writing. Sounded like a poor excuse. LOL. I wrote back and told her I dig coffee. LMAO. If she doesn't make an excuse to call me, then I'll call her by Wednesday. I promise diamond78 and Sparkie. To be honest diamond, by me leaving her alone, I feel like I'm drawing her out of her protective shell. She seems to be sharing some pretty deep stuff. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 Well, I called her tonight. She had emailed me at work wanting to meet tonight. She keeps saying she wants to give me the book. She is 'tired of looking at it'. Funny, she had it for a year. Anyways, we talked. And talked, and the conversation was GREAT. She told me how she defended me at a recent get together of old coworkers. We got in real deep conversation about marriage. (not us, but friends, but a lot pertained to us) We talked about how communication or lack of ruins relationships. She told me things that blew my mind, and I never knew she felt that way. I felt like crying. This woman LOVED THE HELL OUT OF ME! And I took her for granted. I never knew a lot of things she did for me or the reasons why. Anyways, it wasn't all deep and heavy. We joked, laughed, etc. I dunno what to say. We were admitting faults without saying it. Unspoken kinda. Damn.......... Well, I cut it short (2 hours and she offered again to meet up or mail the book. I said we can meet up for coffee, tea..........or dessert. She agreed, and she said she'd call when. I'm busy tomorrow, but I'm thinking I'm just gonna grab the bull by the balls and ask her if she wants to meet Wednesday. I've really not much to lose at this point. Just had to get it off my chest. Y'all have been GREAT. Thanks for listening. Link to comment
stabbedintheback Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Sounds great! Just keep playing it calm. It sounds like your conversations went great. Keep us posted. Link to comment
Sparkie Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 So she loved you all along. Who'd've thought!! Good work my man. Sounds like the time apart has really settled the dust for a healthy fresh start. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 So she loved you all along. Who'd've thought!! Good work my man. Sounds like the time apart has really settled the dust for a healthy fresh start. We shall see brother. I'm not getting hopes up. I gotta try to keep it a bit lighter now. But I really did let her drive that conversation. Letting her open up. I just got a weird feeling that she is an ENA member and is reading all this. Oh boy...........she'd think I was NUTS! Link to comment
stabbedintheback Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I just got a weird feeling that she is an ENA member and is reading all this. Oh boy...........she'd think I was NUTS! I almost started a thread on here about what if our exes were on ENA and figured out who we were. I agree, that we be weird. Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 I almost started a thread on here about what if our exes were on ENA and figured out who we were. I agree, that we be weird. HA! My story is so detailed there is absolutley no doubt who I am. LOL. Link to comment
diamond78 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 This is great news! i'm glad you called her....There's nothing wrong with showing some initiative sometimes. If neither of you takes the initiative, then it'll never get off the ground. When two people share a genuine love for each they will oftentimes always come back to you in some form or fashion. The fact that you two are still tryng to communicate and see each other tells me that the love and connection is real. I think you two can make it if you're both honest, open, and sincere!! Please keep us updated....You know we're rooting for you two to make it! Link to comment
Pandaman211 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I almost started a thread on here about what if our exes were on ENA and figured out who we were. I agree, that we be weird. HAHAHAHAHA! I at one point thought the same exact thing Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 So, I decided to step up and set a date for coffee. I text her if this Friday or Sunday was good. She replied that she has plans for those days. How about next Wed, Thur, or Sunday. I dunno why, I didn't like that response. What is she doing this weekend? Why did she deliberately leave out Friday and Saturday?? LMAO. Link to comment
mariposa81 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 So, I decided to step up and set a date for coffee. I text her if this Friday or Sunday was good. She replied that she has plans for those days. How about next Wed, Thur, or Sunday. I dunno why, I didn't like that response. What is she doing this weekend? Why did she deliberately leave out Friday and Saturday?? LMAO. Let's not jump the gun GHG lol. Maybe she had plans scheduled from a while back that she can't change. Just try to relax, go with the flow and pick one of the days she suggested. I'm sooooooooooo happy that the conversations with her have been going well though!!! I need to read your other threads and catch up....*goes to put on pj's and get to reading...* Link to comment
gee Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 So, I decided to step up and set a date for coffee. I text her if this Friday or Sunday was good. She replied that she has plans for those days. How about next Wed, Thur, or Sunday. I dunno why, I didn't like that response. What is she doing this weekend? Why did she deliberately leave out Friday and Saturday?? LMAO. Oh my! Just have the book mailed. lol. I don't know man this one is tough. She contacts you to meet and now this. Do whatever you think is best. It's tough when they contact again. ugh! Good luck gee Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 Oh my! Just have the book mailed. lol. I don't know man this one is tough. She contacts you to meet and now this. Do whatever you think is best. It's tough when they contact again. ugh! Good luck gee LOL........I'm just winding myself up. LOL. No worries. Link to comment
Sparkie Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Good work mate. I'm sure things will be just fine! Link to comment
GoldenHillGuy Posted January 16, 2009 Author Share Posted January 16, 2009 Well, we met. We actually had dinner and a few drinks because we both hadn't eaten dinner. So I took her to a great new place. Great conversation. After dinner, we walked around for an hour and just talked. Then I drove her back to her car, and talked for another hour. It's all too much to process now. I dunno what to think. Just pretty deep stuff. She actually asked me to open up more and share some things. I felt like I shared a bit too much. I dunno. It was good though. Long hug at the end. I told her 'I think I got a lot of things wrong about you.' She smiled and nodded. She never brought the book. She 'forgot' it. So, I guess there will be another meeting. I honestly don't know how I did. I feel weird for sharing so much. I felt her hinting that I never really shared in our relationship that much. I didn't. Anyways, the more I 'get to know' her, the more and more I want to be with her. This time the attraction just isn't physical, it's deep. I'm falling for her mind. I'm falling for her soul. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm just confused I guess. Link to comment
waveseer Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 I know it may seem impossible, but try to let go of the past and the future and just enjoy how you feel about her right now. Link to comment
yankeefan74 Posted January 16, 2009 Share Posted January 16, 2009 Anyways, the more I 'get to know' her, the more and more I want to be with her. This time the attraction just isn't physical, it's deep. I'm falling for her mind. I'm falling for her soul. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. This will kill you and destroy your chances with her if you let it. I've been in your situation before...not with the currenct ex...but in the past, and I've fouled things up... You basically have to treat it like you're just starting to date her for the first time. It's not easy...in fact, it can be pretty tough not to just blurt out something after a great date...but you've put in the work to leave her be, and she's reached out...you have to make sure she continues to do so. Good luck, and try to keep your expectations at a reasonable level. No reason to go through the same pain all over again if things don't go where you want them too. Which has happened before with her, as I recall reading. Link to comment
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