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told im controlling need input


slientshadow

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ok so a little past

In 2006 i ended a relationship in April with someone i had dated for almost 2 years.In that relationship i couldno longer trust the person, whiel i was at work she would always be with other guys, and neveranswering calls or textes, latter to find she was cheating on me with 3 other guys, so i brok eit off. in june i meet someone on myspace a little werid to say but she seemed like a down to earth girl we have lots of things in common, games movies and such. in middle of july we started dating. the frist week of augest she went on a trip to the east coast with family ,i had no issues with this. even though in the past other girls alwasy cheated and lied to me, but i didnt want past thigns come up and me judge her on what they did. she wanted to keep int ouch the whole time , so i let her use my extra from thatonly had texting and could receive phoen calls, long story i shut off the prepaid phone but some reason it would only receive call , and text (to and from).

 

So she was gone for about a week came back and everythign was fine, she woudl hangout with me we make plans and so on and she would on most days work or hangout with other friends too guys and girls. I never had a issue. even though she woudl never invte me to hang out with them . i still didnt havea issue

 

The fristissue came at the end of augest, we had plans to hang out about 8ish after she got done with work. the time came and she didnt show up after 30 min of waiting i called her phone she didnt pick up, 4 hours passed and she was knocking on the door. i explained to her i was worried that somethign happened.(one time she got into a car wreck becuz of falling alseep at the wheel after work) . i asked her what happened, and she started to cry, and go on to tell me this story.

 

i was drving home and the was a car on the side of the road , so i pulle dover to see if the poeple needed help, and if they had a way to get help. when i puled over there was only a guy there and he throw me down in the back seat and raped me.

 

i was very upset at the guy even though i did not know who he was, or anything. i then tried t help her ask her if she remembered what he look like if she called the cops. she told me she didnt remember she was sacred atm and no she didnt call the cops. i then was abotu to dail the cops and she begged me not too. so i felt lik eshe just wanted to tal k abotu happy thigns and we woudl worry about it the next day.

 

sometime in sept i started getting werid feelings that she didnt tell me the truth about what happened that night, and flags poped up everywhere that she was hiding something. and also that she never told anyone else or called the cops about it.

 

so i asked her about it again she got upset that i didnt believe her and that i was wrong to not blieve her. as it went on she admited she did lie, that she was never raped that night. i was hurt alot from it, and even more after i heard the real story.

 

here is what she told me

 

after work a friend called me to come hang out , and she thoght to go over there for a bit then come and hang out with me. when she got to the guys house(this i found ut was a guy she spent alot fo time at and always had sex with after getting high and so on, but never dated him.)they smoke some put and started watchng a movie, and she fell alseep, when she woke up the guy was kissing on her and started to do other things, and she didnt want him to keep doing these thigns but felt like she could nt say no, becuz he was a bigger guy and then they had sex.

 

after she told me this i asked her if she ever cheated on me other then this and why lie and say she was raped. she then went on to say her trip to the east coast she meet a guy and had sex with him un protected in the guys car.

 

i thought long and hard and thought it was at the start of relationship and i was started to love this girl and she said the same we agreed on this and dated still after a couple more months things where going great. i didnt feel like she was lieing or hiding things anymore. and started meeting her friends and she stopped talking to that one guy. chirstmas time we went out of town to spend some weeks at her dads and moms house to meet her family. the last weekend she got pragnet. we both where happy and not happy at same time, but we would love and raise the child. baby was born and thigns where so great no troubles at all , we both got jobs at the same place, and things could not have been better.

 

after our frist child was born (was a boy) couple months later she was pragnet again. i was happy

then the next issue came up she started being friends with a guy fomr work , and chating with him online alot at night, and anytime i came near she would hide the screen and what not, even though i was only coming over to say good night or talk. i got that feeling again and decided to look into it , i found out she was flirting with him online and such , but that was it never did anythign with him , and so on. so she agreeded with me making friends with pople you work with was bad, and she said she was just flirting not anythign else and so on.

 

so more tme went on and this past october our duaghter was born. thigns seemed alot better.

now for the issue in december and so far this month we have been fighting alot, we live together and she works alot of watch kids alot and stress from other things.

there is a another guy she works with that i found out thaqt they been texting each other alot , and he is always flirting, but her not as much and seemed like she just trying to make friends , one night she was soppose to call before she came home so i could tel her what to get for dinner, close to her being done i called her work they told me she left already. about 30 min ago.

so i called her cell phone she picked up , i asked where she was ,she said it dont matter, i asked her again she said she was with a friend eating. i then asked with who , becuz she was soppose to bring food home to cook and eat. she told me it didnt matter. so i asked her again and she said the same thing. then i heard a guys voice, so i asked her the last time who she was with. it was the guy form work . and then i told to come hom the kids need dinner and she was soppose to bring somethign home.

 

when she got home i asked her what they talked about, she said he told her i loved her and wante dto be with her, and so on, i then asked what she said,

she told him that he knows that me and her are dating and we are going to be together, and even if i did break up with him it would be along time before i dated again.

 

couple days wnet by and they kepted texting and him kep asking her to hang out and so on and put roses on her car and more and mroe things justseemed ify.she says that all she wants from him was a friend, and thats all he is goig to get, and when she found the rose on her car she frist thought it was me who gave it to her , until she got home andi asked where it was from , and found out it was this other guy.

 

i asked her if she would stop texting him and beingfriends with him, and also being friends with poeple from work are only going to raise issues at work.she told me not to pick her friends and if we going to be together, not too.

 

i did some searchign and i found out this guy talks to his friend about her and never says antyhing good about her, says im only doing it becuzi know what shes like nothign but a w**** thatwill spread her legs to anyone that asks, and all he wants is to sleep with her and use her for it.

 

i then went and told her what if ound out he said about her, and she got really mad and upset with me and we been fighting ever snce for almost 1 week.

last night i told her that im not tryign to pick her friends but this guy isnt tryign to be a friend, and wants nothign more then to use her and break us up , so why be friends with him. she says im the one letting him come between me and her. and if i want to be with her there going to be friends.

 

i then told her its hi mor me, and it drving me crazy to know that she would be friends with smone like that .

 

am i wrong or am i just being stupid

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I think you should have ended the relationship as soon as you found out that she was lying about being raped. What kind of woman does something like that! It is scary to think that she has the future of two children in her hands. I would suggest you end this relationship and even try to get custody of the children. She can't even take care of herself let alone two children.

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Blecch. She LIES about being raped?!?! That is an extremely traumatic experience, and she goes and lies about it? And then she's constantly texting and flirting and sleeping with other men? And then she calls you controlling when you bring up issues over it?! This lady has some SERIOUS issues here, and you NOR your children need to have this woman in your lives. I agree with crazyaboutdogs, cut this woman out of your life, and try and get custody of the kids--they don't need an unstable mother like that!! And ditto with the paternity test, there is no way of trusting what she says on the matter.

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No, you are not wrong..given her cheating and lying history. The thing is, cheaters and liars are very troubled individuals and will always twist things around to blame their partner. The "you are controlling" accusation is pretty typical of someone who is a serial cheater and habitual liar. I wouldn't put much stock in what she says. Her actions are plain as day...she can't be trusted.

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but ami being conrtaolling when iask for her not to be friends with the guy when all he wants is to use her fo rone thing, ami wrong to ask her not to be friends with the guy

Absolutely not. You're actually kind of doing her a favor, because this guys just sees her as a sex toy, but like CAD said, don't put much stock into what she says. A liar and cheater blames everyone but themselves.

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thansk for the input, just ahving hard issues becuz i always seem to pick the same types, yes i haev cheat in the past(this time i got really drunk and kissed another girl but nothig more) and i have told her about it , things happen and i feel that imthe one to blame and its just so hard not to blame myself with the thigns she says to me

 

if some wanst to date a person, and finds out the other does not want to date the person can the persno that wants to date be friends or is that person just saying yeah we can be only friends for a hidden reason

 

i told her if she loves me she would trust me and not be his friend, and she says let me learn it for myself i dont want that from him and he wont get that.

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Oh, I think she wants more from him than just friendship. Given her past cheating, she should not even be having this kind of friendship with another guy. I don't believe that she wants to be just his friend. She probably has already cheated on you with him and that's why she is not interested in giving him up.

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i told her if she loves me she would trust me and not be his friend, and she says let me learn it for myself i dont want that from him and he wont get that.
Oh, I'm getting the feeling she definitely wants more than that from him. Everything she is doing is pointing in that direction. In this case, I'd look at her actions, rather than her words.
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