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Little background to start.


We first met at a halloween party in 2007 while she had a boyfriend. She repeatedly told me how she was getting fed up with the relationship as he was lying behind her back as well as it had turned into a long distance relationship. We danced for a bit (nothing romantic, she was very resistant). I told her that if she was ever single, I would be interested in taking her out. We exchanged phone numbers and I didn't speak with her.


About three weeks later, I get a message saying that they have been broken up for a week or so and that she wanted to go out on a date with me. I told her that I didn't want to be a rebound so we would start slow. Two months later we started dating.


We both made mistakes but for the most part the relationship was VERY solid for the one year that we were together. I went on a trip to Croatia with a couple of friends and I could tell that the distance made us unhappy. We loved each other and wanted to spend as much time as possible.


The Break Up:


She has a friend (Male) who she has off and on (namely between relationships) had sexual encounters with started talking. She thinks very highly of this person and it has caused breakups for her in the past. Her second to last boyfriend and her were together for six months, he couldn't stand their relationship, left, and two weeks later she crawled back. This individual does not care for her past a sexual level but has a suave mouth. I found multiple instances on myspace of them saying flirtatious comments to one another and it had caused us to break up for one day once (she came back to me saying it would stop). It wasn't long before I receive a text from my gf while I am at work (Me and the friend are meeting for coffee in 30 minutes). I say okay that's fine. The whole time they are at coffee (THREE HOURS) my mind is going crazy and I say I cannot deal with this. I call her up and don't necessarily break up with her but say that I do not want to be in a relationship where I am the jelous guy. I proceed to tell her that I don't have a problem with any other of her guy friends but this one is bad news (and history shows it).


The conversation ended with her coming after I get off work to get her stuff. She came and got her stuff and we realized it was a breakup. Strangely we still hugged and kissed, and she still wanted me to wallk her out to her car as always. I gave her a forhead kiss and tears streamed down her face as I walked back towards the house. I don't talk to her for a full day when I decide to give her a call one night. She doesn't pickup and sends me a text "movies". I start going crazy and asking "with who, etc etc". Finally I get a call perhaps an hour later and I find out she was at the movies with this friend. She claims that they were in a group and that she did nothing but hug him (her friend later verified this claim, who my ex doesn't know is on MY side). I was devastated. I drove to her house and cried in her lap. She looked miserable. I pleaded with her that things were going so well for us and that we belonged together. She told me that "She was confused and needed her space". I said okay well I am going to have to cease talk with you then because I cannot hang around you while you 'figure things out'. I take my 600$ neclace that I had bought her for our 1 year (which was 4 days before) from her as I had felt robbed. She cried and said "FINE, TAKE THE STUPID THING". I grabbed my things and left.


4 days have passed and only on the 4th day have I not been able to text her. I have been emailing her pictures of us and memories that I have had of us. I sent her an email saying that I loved her and that I couldnt stand not being with her. All of these seem to be working little, if not backfiring, but it is so hard not to simply be honest with her.


Also, four days after the breakup she text messaged me in the morning and made plans with me to go out to red lobster. She had bought a gift card for me before we had broken up and she wanted us to use it. Dinner was awkward and I tried not to bring up the relationship and act casual but her beautiful smile and face reminded me too much of our relationship. I immediately started asking questions like "How did I lose you so fast?" "Do you still love me?" "will we ever possibly be together again".


She gave me very poor answers (not elaborate by any means) and many times tried to change the subject, but once again we kissed and hugged at dinner. After dinner she came over to my house to get some stuff that remained. I told her that I was very hurt and I could tell that she felt terrible (but seemingly wasn't going to do anything about it). I tried to give her a heart that she made me, a picture that she colored for me, a note that she wrote me, and a picture of her that was in my room. She grabbed it and put it in my drower (refusing to take it). I told her I wanted her to have it because seeing them would make things harder but she wouldn't take it. She pushed her forhead out for a kiss and I gave her one, then I advanced for the lips and she accepted that kiss as well. So she wants her space yet she wants me to keep things that she gave me...planting a seed for the future???


The next day (yesterday) I for the first time didn't make ANY form of communication with her (as per her request, she told her friend that she was getting annoyed with my texting and wanted her space, even though it was non-relationship questions and she told me she didn't want me out of her life but wanted to be friends). It was extremely hard for me to do this and jusst when I thought maybe I would go a full day with out seeing her, she comes over to a friends house of mine (who is dating my ex gf's best friend) and we meet. She immediately tells everyone that she is going to go home. We exchange hugs and she leaves. I ask her if she wants to talk on the phone and she says "I probably wont answer". Knowing her for so long, "probably wont answer" means that she doesn't want to talk to me (not that she is doing something occupying her time). This really hurt.



Her best friend is telling me to just give her time and space and she will realize how much she loves me. At dinner she told me that she still loved me she was just "confused". She told me that I was the most romantic and cutest guy she had ever been with, and that she would never find someone like me.


It is the day after our confrontation at my friends house and she is supposed to be texting me today to get her neclace that I am giving back to her (because I couldn't exchange it). I want to text her but I know that playing hard to get and uninterested is a better course of action because my attempts at showing her my love for her have failed miserably.


That is what is going on in a nutshell and I am sure it is hard to follow. I procured this pretty depressed and did not focus on grammer or paragraph structure. Anyone have any advice for me on how to maximize my chances of getting back with my ex? I told her that if she does anything with the said "male friend" that I will never get back together with her. SHe persists that they have nothing and they are just friends.




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Ditto to the other two posters. She is extremely confused. She seems to want to keep you around, but is extremely non-committal about the prospects of you two being together again. And your concern about this male friend of hers is legitimate---he's caused breakups before andthey had sexual relations in the past, whats to stop them from doing it now? Or what stopped them from doing it when you and her were going out? She needs to get her affairs of the heart in order, but you don't need to be around for that. You sound like a nice guy who truly loves her, but you deserve someone who loves you 100% back! Are you going to be truly happy with her, always worrying about this other guy? It sounds like she's not going to drop that friendship anytime soon. No! You live life for you, and you will find the right person!

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one more thing I should mention that could clue into her wishes between us..



I gave her a stuffed animal a month or so into our relationship. Since then it has evolved into 5 additional stuffed animals with names and imaginary personalities. We refer to them as our kids. When we broke up she wanted to keep 3 of them so she could sleep with them (all 6 of them used to sleep with us together). She also said when she picked up the three that she wanted visitational rights of the other 3.


Dorky I know but small things like that that I came up with was part of the reason I grew to love her and her me.

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thanks for the advice guys and gals. It really helps!



One more question: it's obvious she's confused. Being a crazy guy that loves this girl, what is my BEST option that will allow us to breathe and get back together again.


I refuse to make it my main strategy but at the same time this girl was the girl I could see myself marrying one day

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