gracerules2008 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 So last night I tried to end things for good with my girlfriend. I met her a year ago. My reason for ending it was because a. I don't want kids and I fear she will want kids in the future even though she says she's not sure now, b. I don't want to get married until I'm 70 years old (for many reasons) nor do I want a physical relationship of any kind for the next 30 years. If it was up to me I'd be more comfortable just keeping a long distance relationship where we talk over the phone but I'm willing to compromise as far as meeting up a few times and keeping an open mind about moving in together depending on how well we get along in person. I'm content with phone relationship, phone sex but she wants more than that. It's not my heart's desire to end this relationship if I really don't have to but I don't see any other choice. So she kept telling me no I'm not going to end it and that we're going to be together. So what keeps pulling me back to her? because deep down in my heart I think she and I would have been good for each other if it was not for bad timing. I think that if the timing was right we would have had a great life together. I'm not interested in dating anyone else. Another reason for ending it is because I've gained some weight over the holidays. She knows about this. Do I want to lose the weight? not really. I don't want to change much of anything about myself. Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 ahh.. you don't want to have a physical relationship for the next 30 yrs? why man?!?!?! Link to comment
Mock Chop Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 You need to get yourself a decent therapist. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 hmmmm I don't want to come accross as mean but it just sounds like you have given up on life for some reason. Could it be that you are suffering from depression? Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 You need to get yourself a decent therapist. ^^ agreed! Link to comment
Love_Music Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 What is making you feel this way? No physical relationship for the next 30 years? Marriage at 70? No Kids? - a little more understandable I agree with the other posters. It's time to go see a therapist and find out what the root of all this is. Link to comment
Altruist Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Sexual confidence is something that you can only develop with time. Give this girl a chance and allow yourself to enjoy the relationship. Link to comment
magnex Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 hahahaha is this guy for real? aside from your crazyness..... grow yourself a pair of balls and tell her straight, you really do not want anything to do with her, then go NC.....simple as that Link to comment
theWalla Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 My reason for ending it was because a. I don't want kids and I fear she will want kids in the future even though she says she's not sure now, b. I don't want to get married until I'm 70 years old (for many reasons) nor do I want a physical relationship of any kind for the next 30 years. What is it you seek from the relationship? It sounds like you are better suited for pursuing friendship if you don't want family or physical relationships. So what keeps pulling me back to her? because deep down in my heart I think she and I would have been good for each other if it was not for bad timing. I think that if the timing was right we would have had a great life together. I'm not interested in dating anyone else. Why is the timing bad? Is it the timing that makes you feel you do not want marriage, physical relationship, kids for pretty much your entire life? Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Hi there, I've had a look at your posts and threads, and you sound so unhappy and depressed. I know that you get a lot of flaming on here, but I am worried about you - I wish you would talk to someone about this, I suspect you need to see a GP. I've read in other posts of yours about self-harming, not wanting to live this life, shutting yourself off, and so on. It's really worrying. Life doesn't have to be like this. Why don't you make a plan of what you're going to do tomorrow, and one of them I think should be to visit your doctor, and talk this through with him and see what help is available. I know it all seems a bit hard at the moment, but you sound so desperate and sad in your threads - reach out for proper, real life help; you will find it and things WILL seem better. These random threads posted here aren't really achieving anything, and aren't addressing the fact that I think you're spiralling downwards - these posts like the licence and marriage, they are not about that at all, but symptomatic of your depressed state. Please go and talk this through with someone who can help you. Take care. Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Great post. I agree. I feel sorry for the OP and his girlfriend. He needs to get help. Link to comment
gracerules2008 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 What is it you seek from the relationship? It sounds like you are better suited for pursuing friendship if you don't want family or physical relationships. I seek love like everyone else from a relationship. Everyone wants to be loved. Anyway I suspect I'm the more needy partner and she's the more independent one. Link to comment
gracerules2008 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 I am thinking about seeing a therapist. Maybe I am spiraling downwards. I've grown apathetic and numb about my health and other things. Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I am thinking about seeing a therapist. Maybe I am spiraling downwards. I've grown apathetic and numb about my health and other things. Yeah, that's classic sign of depression. The thing is, it feels real and as if that's all there is. But you have to trust me on this - you do need to go and talk to someone, because when life has colour again and you feel happy, you will realise what a dark time this was, and how you couldn't see it. Please go and talk to your doctor tomorrow in the first instance, and just be honest about the apathy, the numbness, the self-injury, the odd thoughts and rationalisations - and trust him/her to assess you, and at least for January take advice without argument. You'll get there, but when you're in this state you honestly can't see that you're spirallling down, you think it's normal. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) go tomorrow and let us know how you got on Link to comment
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