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Is there something wrong with me?


Dmoons
Why Does He Want To See You In A Bi...
Why Does He Want To See You In A Bikini?

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I talk to a lot of girls and I try to be really nice and show them I'm different then other guys who only care bout sex because honestly I don't! I much rather hold a girl then try to do things. All my friends know that I'm a good guy and I work real hard to help them with there problems. There's been this girl that I like and she's so sweet and help her and make her happy and we flirt but in a nonsexual way. I'm not the hottest guy in school but people say I'm the sweetest. I just want a girl who likes me for me. And when I meet a girl and talk to her we become close in know time. Why do girls love being my friend but don't like me? I am very happy with being friends with them but sometimes I'd wish we could be more I want them to be happy but when is some one gonna make me happy?

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If you're not pressuring girls into anything, then you don't need to worry about them thinking that you would.

 

I think you fall into the "nice guys finish last" category.... Horrible saying, but it is so true. A lot of girls like Aholes, I'm not gonna lie. Perhaps "Ahole" isn't the most accurate term....I'm speaking of men who are confident, could most likely kick some ass in a fight, basically have lots of testosterone, as ready2heal spoke of above. Maybe since you don't carry yourself in a sexual manner, then girls don't see you in that light. But then again....maybe you don't even want them to. I think it's safe to say that when people start falling someone, they have an initial sexual attraction of some sort to them, so if that sexual attraction isn't there, then that might be a reason why girls don't view you as a potential boyfriend.

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Be yourself. If you're trying extra hard to be nice.. don't .. just be yourself. That said, don't start intentionally being a jerk either.

 

I'm generally nice, and I remember when I was in high school that despite having a few GFs, I felt I was losing women due to being nice. So when a girl came along that I REALLY wanted.. I acted like a bit of a jerk. Turned out.. she wanted a NICE(ish) guy.. the guy I really was. After failing miserably, I basically leveled with her about my failed acting, and we started dating.

 

(Yes, that was my wife and I 10 years ago

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Same mistake I made when I was is HS 10 years ago. Its like this, when you are nice and trying to befriend them then that is exactly how you will be viewed. Act like her GF who she confides in and wants to go shopping with and that's precisely what you will be viewed as. She's not looking for another GF guy, she's looking for a man. Chances are that if the girl is heterosexual than she is attracted to masculinity. Simple answer, stop being a girl and be a man. I may be generalizing here a bit but sometimes things are that simple. That being said, the most attractive quality any person can possess is just being confident and comfortable in their own skin. People who you wouldn't have thought 'classically attractive' can become instantly irresistible if they carry themselselves a certain way that only a confident person can. Try that.

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I think you are so worried about acting like all you want is sex, or "pressuring' girls, that you are acting like a friend, not someone who has a romantic interest.

 

Some of these girls probably liked you, but then you never asked them out on a real date, tried to kiss them, hold their hand, etc.- so they put you in "he's such a god friend" category and moved on to a guy who did express a romantic interest.

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I talk to a lot of girls and I try to be really nice and show them I'm different then other guys who only care bout sex because honestly I don't! I much rather hold a girl then try to do things.

 

All my friends know that I'm a good guy and I work real hard to help them with there problems. There's been this girl that I like and she's so sweet and help her and make her happy and we flirt but in a nonsexual way. I'm not the hottest guy in school but people say I'm the sweetest. I just want a girl who likes me for me. And when I meet a girl and talk to her we become close in know time. Why do girls love being my friend but don't like me?

 

 

Here's a suggestion. DO NOT try and help her (or THEM) with THEIR problems. When women communicate their problems, they do NOT want a solution (this is how male/male communication works, which is why it is somewhat unnatural). What they want is someone to listen to them as they jibber jabber in hopes that they will reach an emotional connection. By trying to fix her problems, women will view you as the gay friend that is sexually unappealing but is a really "great/nice" guy.

 

Aloof. Look it up in the dictionary. This is how you should train your self to act. No. That DOES NOT mean turn into a total * * * * * * * that disrespects women in hopes of getting a girl to like you. If you look at the definition, this should be abundantly clear. By being the "go-to" solutions guy, you have undoubtedly made yourself too available. Why not? You pride yourself as being the FIXER OF ALL WOMENS PROBLEMS! Why wouldn't they call you at 3am asking why their boyfriend decided to act in such and such a way? Stop doing that as well. You are a valuable and respected person. Start treating yourself in such a manner. Your time and your attention deserve to be RATIONED.

 

Women love mystery. Make yourself more mysterious. How do you do this? Well, to start STOP GIVING HER DETAILED ADVICE TO ALL OF HER PROBLEMS. She will learn how you think, consult you for advice in the future, and in the process rule you OUT as a dating prospect. Deal with her "problems" flirtatiously. Make a joke of it. I don't know why, but this works. Make a flirting opportunity out of the jibber-jabber where she is obviously looking for either an emotional relation (which she can and will EASILY get from one of her other GIRL friends) or a solution (remember, women don't WANT solutions). Remember, you are trying to create MYSTERY (in this case, where she can't quite pinpoint if you're serious or joking). Disinterest is (I know, this is weird) will draw her attention. Disinterest on your part will create interest on hers.

 

Example:

Her: "My, oh my, I went to Billy Bob's party the other day and Susan and Bob, I think, started a rumor that I was starting to date DAN! Can you believe it? DAN!?"

Your initial reaction: "Well, Im sure if you talked to Susan and Bob and all at the party you can redeem yourself, because you aren't really going out with Dan are you? I mean if everyone thinks that, all you have to do is address them to solve the problem!"

 

A good response: "Wow, I heard you and Dan are getting REAAAAALLY serious."

 

Her: "That's NOT true!"

 

You: "Not from what I've seen. You've been hanging all over him for WEEKS. It took a WHOLE PARTY more than 5 minutes to start this "RUMOR"? yeah right, I've known it all along."

 

Her: "blah blah blah blah blah...explaining why you're so wrong"

 

By doing this, she is not only signaling interest in you by explaining herself, but you are also letting it be known that a.) you dont care if she is dating whoever, even if it's false b.) busting her chops about her being wrong in this case and c.) CREATING MYSTERY because you used to be her reliable sounding block which she used to rely on and now you're busting her chops.

 

Now...obviously...there are things NOT to be joked about. Such as "My uncle died of cancer..." do NOT make a joke about this. Everything else outside of this sphere of seriousness is fair game. If you want to get girls to start to like you, practice making fun of anything they say that you could really care less about (80% of her "problems"). This should get you significant "points".

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Continue being who you are and in due time you will find someone worth your while, don't bother changing something that isn't wrong with you just to get a girl because if a girl doesn't want you for how you are then she obviously is not worth it in the long run.

 

Be proud that you're a nice person and don't get caught up in this issue, it's a minor one when you look at everything, and soon you'll meet someone who appreciates you and values you, that is far more fulfilling.

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A lot of guys, and including myself in the past have fell into the nice guy category. While there is nothing wrong with being nice, unfortunately this is not what women want ALL THE TIME. Women like men with confidence and swag, and who will make the first move!!! This what I have learned in my 23 yrs. BE ASSERTIVE, GET A SWAG!!! Everyman has it, you find it by being competitive, lift weights, play b-ball do stuff to build your confidence....GET AN ATTITUDE OF ENTITLEMENT..IF you DO NOT FIND A WAY to do this YOU will always be a FRIEND..

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Putting caps in random words doesn't make your advice any more valid.

 

Being nice and being assertive are not mutually exclusive, there's a balance to be made between being a jerk and being a doormat; a nice person can achieve this balance as easily as one that isn't kind.

 

Being competitive isn't how one achieves confidence (it helps if you win in the competitions but isn't the key to self-esteem by any means).

 

I prefer to talk things out, I insist on the matters I deem important but by no means do I "have a swag" (what a quaint term) and yet I have a relationship so your absolute statement fails.

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Putting caps in random words doesn't make your advice any more valid.

 

Being nice and being assertive are not mutually exclusive, there's a balance to be made between being a jerk and being a doormat; a nice person can achieve this balance as easily as one that isn't kind.

 

Being competitive isn't how one achieves confidence (it helps if you win in the competitions but isn't the key to self-esteem by any means).

 

I prefer to talk things out, I insist on the matters I deem important but by no means do I "have a swag" (what a quaint term) and yet I have a relationship so your absolute statement fails.

 

No solution is 100% foolproof, nor applies to 100% of women. But I would say that the poster's advice you replied to would work more often than the "I prefer to talk things out" approach you use. Especially in dealing with younger women.

 

And the fact that you have a relationship doesnt make his advice automatically "fail". It just makes you living proof of the theory that even a broken clock is right twice a day.

 

Lighten up.

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There's been this girl that I like and she's so sweet and help her and make her happy and we flirt but in a nonsexual way. I'm not the hottest guy in school but people say I'm the sweetest. I just want a girl who likes me for me. And when I meet a girl and talk to her we become close in know time. Why do girls love being my friend but don't like me? I am very happy with being friends with them but sometimes I'd wish we could be more I want them to be happy but when is some one gonna make me happy?

 

 

Because your acting like a friend. Of course girls aren't going to see u in a sexual way. Start acting in a sexual way if you wanna be more than friends. That means stop being so nice. You can still be nice and a jerk at the same time. But they won't see you as an ass****, cause your also being a good guy. Do this and notice the different responses you will get.

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No solution is 100% foolproof, nor applies to 100% of women. But I would say that the poster's advice you replied to would work more often than the "I prefer to talk things out" approach you use. Especially in dealing with younger women.

 

And the fact that you have a relationship doesnt make his advice automatically "fail". It just makes you living proof of the theory that even a broken clock is right twice a day.

 

Lighten up.

 

Actually, when one uses an absolute statement anything that proves the contrary makes the absolution fail, as for lightening up, thanks but no thanks, I will not alter my replies to be more likable or to hold off on saying something merely to be seen in a better light, to do so would be dishonest.

 

Communication is the basis of any relationship and while it may be harder for the youth to do, it's better in the long run when they're no grey areas or issues of miscommunication.

 

I would apologize if I seem cutting and cold but that would imply I'm sorry.

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Because your acting like a friend. Of course girls aren't going to see u in a sexual way. Start acting in a sexual way if you wanna be more than friends. That means stop being so nice. You can still be nice and a jerk at the same time. But they won't see you as an ass****, cause your also being a good guy. Do this and notice the different responses you will get.

 

If I may, what you seem to be saying is to simply the interest be shown for what it is.

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Actually, when one uses an absolute statement anything that proves the contrary makes the absolution fail, as for lightening up, thanks but no thanks, I will not alter my replies to be more likable or to hold off on saying something merely to be seen in a better light, to do so would be dishonest.

 

Communication is the basis of any relationship and while it may be harder for the youth to do, it's better in the long run when they're no grey areas or issues of miscommunication.

 

I would apologize if I seem cutting and cold but that would imply I'm sorry.

 

Wow. I didn't know the enotalone was a class in classical Socratic method. Nor did I know that interweb message boards were to be taken so literally. No one speaks in absolutes in this environment. Everyone is trying to give advice. This is each persons own estimation of what would help the OP in regards to his/her own question.

 

If we boil it all down to the sinew, it seems that the poster seems to be asking one fundamental question: How do I get girls to see me in a sexual way without looking like/becoming the drooling neanderthal creature that may or may not have hurt her in the past. You're the virgin, correct? You seem like quite the academic or intellectual, or at least you seem to act like one on an internet message board. In discussing people's inquiries and concerns, though, wouldn't you agree that each poster should only speak on what they know? With all due respect, would you surrender the fact that maybe there are some other people on the board that would know more about answering the OP's question than you would?

 

With this in mind, I am wondering why you would try to belittle and look condescendingly ("how QUAINT a term") upon the advice of another poster, given your supposed experience on the subject.

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Most women aren't looking to date their friend...they have g/f's for that. They want a guy who can take care of them, who is interesting and challenging and can keep up to them...

 

Now don't go making this a girls don't like nice guys thing...girls want a guy to act like a guy is all...

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Now don't go making this a girls don't like nice guys thing...girls want a guy to act like a guy is all...

 

End of thread.

 

What you are acting like if you feel that "nice guys finish last" is an unnatural, romanticized version of what society thinks that you should be. The same society that fears their daughters are *gasp* having sex with boys! Or that *gasp* their sons are having sex with boys!, etc. etc. Of course they'd like you to be some asexual tool that cares nothing about your natural instincts and just wants you to hold hands and get married before you have sex...It's all outdated. Quit watching Disney movies, start meeting more girls, and observe their behavior and reactions.

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(1) You already gave yourself an answer to your question - you are friendly, helpful, and they see you only that way...

 

(2) I'll bet they like you for being you, but isn't that what you wanted??? Seriously you place yourself as a friend already at the first conversation...

 

(3) That sound's a bit like you're egoistically-helpful, but the most important key is to give them what you want to get in return (the emotions, the passion), especially giving yourself the feeling that you're a great individual and able to please her in many ways, making her TRULY happy, but if you already move on to them by thinking that you deserve to be loved by them, you suprisingly won't...

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My brother felt the same way and he looked for advice on internet. After finding many web sides with many opposite advices, he found link removed. My brother got married this year. I would suggest you to read that web page. As a women I can say that this guy really gives very good advice. Like you, I also didn't understand why being myself couldn't find someone that truly love the way I am. My experience showed me that in this cold world we can not be an open book and it is not bad to play some games a little bit.

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Just as there are example for that, there are also ones where the opposite is seen as desirable. Experience is relative and while adjusting certain things is often times needed a full change in character in order to get a girl is dishonest and not very fulfilling for the girl (or guy) falls for the facade, not for the person.

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Of course, but the poster I refuted gave advice based on an absolute (and it was presented as such), and I was indeed belittling the phrase he used, never hid the fact I was and thought I made that evident.

 

As for expertise, I'll admit others have more knowledge when they do, this wasn't one of those times. There's nothing wrong with how he's acting, and as he grows older this behaviour (so long as it's not a doormat behaviour) will be more and more desired. Now if he's looking merely for sex right now then, by all means, fake whatever facade one wants but if it's a relationship then remaining honest and true to oneself, and loving oneself is the best way for another to love you.

 

And yes, I'm like this in real life as well. (I also have friends and relationships)

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1. I do not have the problem, so why do you feel the need to try and filter my comments?

2. What times do you live in? The treatment you are trying to implement has proven to be less than successful in our generation.

3. Do you even know what swagger is?

 

SWAG for those over 35, means having confidence in your own style and believing that your style will grant you access, without having to conform to the style of others.

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