LAYAAN Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Alright, I'm sensing that I dont' show proper signals letting men know that I'm interested in them. Even though I smile n laugh, ask them Qs about themselves, etc. I'm having a trouble pushing it into a 2nd date n I can't let this continue. I admit, I have some boundaries. I don't allow men to touch me. I don't physically or verbally flirt. IMO, my body language shows that I'm interested but I guess thats not enough. I wonder if they think that I don't like them enough. So, this is the area that I'm really struggling with. Fine. So, if I like a guy on our 1st date, what can I possibly do to let him know that I'm into him? No, don't tell me to admire his car, shirt, watch, sense of humor, etc. I think, thats being too obvious. I normally smile and laugh (when appropriate) on a date. So, is it okay for me to say something like "I'll like to laugh some more with you again" or if I'm just having a good time talking with the guy, can I say "I'll like to get to know you more". Would that be too suggestive of a 2nd date? Also, if a girl says something on the lines that she would like to see a man again, does that turn men off (even if they are interested in seeing her again)? If a girl doesn't show a man enough signs that she is into him (coz I'm shy, introvert n soft-spoken) would it hinder a man from asking her out again for the fear of rejection (even if he is interested)? Thank you for your input. Link to comment
Be happy D Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Smiling and laughing is good, but how does he know you're not being nice? I think a bit of verbal flirting is perfectly acceptable, why don't you try? Also, just say how you feel. Say that you would like to see him again, would like to get to know him better, that you had a great time, etc. NO, it's not a turn off... trust me. Link to comment
RedWingsFan Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I argue that you need to flirt. It doesn't need to be blatant, distasteful, or obvious. Light touching (arms, shoulders, etc.) and solid eye contact are a good start. Also, have more inviting body language. Don't cross your arms a lot or be turned away. As a man, I like it when a woman says she'd like to hang out again. Comments like that, when said casually, says there is likely interest. If she flatly said, "I would like to go on another date with you" I would be a little turned off. That's too forward, too soon. There's a lot more you can do, and I am no expert. I say just keep it casual and do minor flirting. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I always liked the succint advice in the book The Rules - show up, look nice, be nice. Worked for me. Yes, I do think you want to practice harmless flirting - good eye contact, mirroring body language - I'm pretty sure that helped me - to me it mostly came naturally. Also make sure you express sincere appreciation if he offers to treat - nothing over the top but reasonably so. I never initiated a comment like "I'd love to see you again" or similar but if he said he would, I would agree if I felt that way. I never got physical on a first date as a way of getting a second date, especially if we'd never met before. Link to comment
mr_iwi Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Not at all. As you are leaving, why not thank him for a good evening. If he says he's enjoyed himself too, then you have the green light to suggest date number two. Chances are he'll be thinking "Do I lean in for a kiss now, or after dropping her off, or not at all? I'm in the mood for coffee, but if I ask her to join me will she think it's something else? But she might WANT me to invite her in for something else...." You can't really blame him for forgetting to talk about another date if he's still concerned with the current one, and I'm sure he'll appreciate it if you lighten him of that burden. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 In my experience if a man really wants to see me again he tries to close the deal on a second date while we are on the first date to lessen the risk of me getting away. Nothing wrong either with calling for a second date some days or a week later but I doubt it would slip his mind if the interest level was very high. Link to comment
mr_iwi Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Perhaps I phrased it wrongly, but if he has all those concerns going through his head, he'd see any talk of a second date as counting chickens when there are still so many other directions the first date could take. Although most men of certain age and experience would have no problems "sealing the deal" on the first date, I think that younger and shyer guys would be more likely to think as I posted. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I argue that you need to flirt. It doesn't need to be blatant, distasteful, or obvious. Light touching (arms, shoulders, etc.) and solid eye contact are a good start. Also, have more inviting body language. Don't cross your arms a lot or be turned away. As a man, I like it when a woman says she'd like to hang out again. Comments like that, when said casually, says there is likely interest. If she flatly said, "I would like to go on another date with you" I would be a little turned off. That's too forward, too soon. There's a lot more you can do, and I am no expert. I say just keep it casual and do minor flirting. I seen that crossing of the arms for the first time in 2008 and I do know if I see it again I'm ending the date at that exact moment. I probably been on several dates when a girl did that but never pay attention to it until I started reading not inerested signs on the internet. Link to comment
Truth317 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 In order for a second date, you have to show some sort of interest. Give them a reason to want to see you again. And it doesn't have to be about touching and flirting. But you need to help make the date interest enough so that another one can happen. Link to comment
Brightest Dark Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I seen that crossing of the arms for the first time in 2008 and I do know if I see it again I'm ending the date at that exact moment. I probably been on several dates when a girl did that but never pay attention to it until I started reading not inerested signs on the internet. I think that's crazy. I'm shy and I fold my arms a lot. I don't think it means I'm not interested in the guy if I do that. I haven't been on a date for a while, so I can't say for sure, but I'm sure I've stood by guys I was attracted to and probably folded my arms. To end a date just because a girl has her arms crossed is insane. I also have a question - in relation to mr_iwi who said 'chances are he'll be thinking 'do I lean in for a kiss now?'... If a guy drives you home after the date, and you're in the car as you get to your house, should you wait and see if he leans in, if he doesn't, should you just say bye and leave, should you lean over to give him a hug, or should you lean in to him and give him a peck on the cheek or something? I am shy and bad at initiating anything and I think saying bye when you have been on a first date type thing is kinda awkward - but the guy I like is quiet too so I'm thinking he may be shy too and also not initiate anything. If I'm the one getting out of the passenger seat when he is at the wheel what do you do (or should I do)? Ok, he might not even drive me home anyway, but I'm just wondering... Link to comment
Nutz Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Smiling, touching, and leaning into him are great indicators of interest. Here is a pretty comprehensive list as well that was written for guys: *She reinitiates conversations when you stop talking *She giggles *She touches you *She tries to get rapport and build comfort with you *She looks back and glances at you repeatedly ever minute or so *She tosses her hair (to see if you will look) *If eye contact happens from a distance, she holds it for a second *She smiles at you *She stands nearby (proximity) *She interrupts your conversation from nearby or laughs at something you said *While walking by, she turns her body toward you or brushes against you *She says something to her friend and they both giggle *She asks you for a light or the time or in any way initiates a conversation *While you're talking to her group, she is particularly talkative (to get your attention) *She asks you for your name *She asks you your age (make her guess) *She compliments you *She is playful and tries to challenge you *She's disagreeing but laughing *She's punching your arm but laughing *She uses nicknames for you *She plays with her hair while talking to you *When she is sitting next to you her leg touches yours *She repeatedly touches you in any way *She asks if you have a girlfriend *She mentions your girlfriend without knowing if you actually have one *When she has to go to the bathroom, she comes back *She holds eye contact for longer periods of time when she speaks with you *She avoids mentioning her boyfriend *If it comes up that you like somthing, she mentions that she likes it, too, or needs someone to show her how to do it *When she says or does something, she looks at you to see your reaction *She looks at you from the side, to hide the fact that she's looking *She introduces you to friends *She buys you a drink *She calls you a player or a heartbreaker *On her way out, she reapproaches you to tell you that she is leaving (Get her #) *On your way out, she asks you where you are going (Invite her) *She returns your calls *She invents reasons to be near you, intereact with you, or have isolation with you Passive IOIs *Her friends go (to the bathroom or bar or dancing) but she stays *She moves to see you and hangs with you for extended periods *If you move, she follows you or waits for you *She doesn't flinch or pull back if you happen to get too close *She doesn't resist when you escalate physically (or she gives token resistance to avoid feeling like a * * * * ) The most important IOIs to look for are: *She reinitiates conversation when you stop talking *She giggles *She touches you *She tries to get rapport and build comfort with you" My short version is "She shows interest in you *somehow*." Link to comment
Brightest Dark Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 That list is pretty crazy. That seems to say 'any living, breathing female is interested in you'. I'm sure I do some of those things when out (toss hair etc) when there are absolutely no cute guys around. - 'She asks you for your name' - don't most people do that when they talk to someone new? - 'She stands nearby' - If it's a crowded room does that mean that everyone within 10ft fancies you? LOL. - 'She giggles' - note to self, when talking to someone I don't find attractive I must not laugh at how bad he looks, I must look stern faced at all times. - 'She says something to her friend and they both giggle' - uhuh... because obviously two females can't actually enjoy themselves and find something else amusing. - 'She returns your calls' - note to self again, must not reply to any male friends as they will automatically think I fancy them. I could go on. Maybe if she does all of those in the list at the same time, it may mean she is interested. I agree that buying you a drink may mean something though. I don't buy many guys drinks. Actually I don't think I buy anyone drinks... Link to comment
Nutz Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 That was all geared towards cold approach. If I walk up to a group of strangers and chat them up, and one of the girls asks me my name, then it's just one small indicator they're willing to talk and see where things go. You'd think it'd be automatic, but if they're not interested they won't ask. Standing close means *close*, like within the personal bubble. It indicates comfort and can help generate a sexual vibe. Giggling is an indication the women accepts your frame. There's a lot to this, but if you're laughing at someone's stupid jokes then you probably don't have a problem with them. When girls eye code each other, or whisper something and laugh, and they don't leave, it was likely something good about the guy. Most women don't return calls or texts of guys they're not interested in. If she returns your call then it's a good sign obviously. Remember all these things by themselves don't mean much. It's when they happen in clusters that makes reading women easier. Generally speaking if a women gives you 3 IOIs then she's interested. Guys should take that as a green light to move things forward. Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I personally consider physical contact as a very good indicator. If a girl touches playfully or lightly there is a good chance she likes me. Link to comment
mr_iwi Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Women who aren't interested sneak out the bathroom window! That's where they disappear to! Link to comment
Nutz Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Here's another batch I posted about last year on another site: Link to comment
.thumb.jpg.2d93ce2472f26b01a1e185382ba0b64e.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.78735a344a3340a866dda54f465baebb.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.707652b1f845175b2f35e03ba7f1673e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.