johnsf1980 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I'm just wondering if female's who were the dumpers, and then got a new rebound guy, still thought about the ex on a daily/regular basis while with the rebound? Especially if you had a close and loving relationship with the ex for a couple of years but left mainly over a few differences e.g. he wanted you to stop smoking, you didn't like him looking at porn now and then, etc She had sent me messages at Christmas (when unknown to me she had started seeing the new guy a few weeks ago) and after saying she hoped I had a good one, etc. However, since New Years Eve she knows I know about the new guy and hasn't contacted me since.... so am just wondering if I'm in her thoughts at all... I'm on full NC since I found out about the new guy on new years eve. Link to comment
littlestar Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Depends whether she is over you or not. If she has completely moved on and the other guy is fulfilling all her needs i dont see why she would be thinking back on you. However if she is far from being over you and still loves you i can bet she would be thinking of you quite regularly. I am a female dumper and i've been well over 3 months into NC and i cant even think of being with someone else right now. It just hurts to much and i miss my ex heaps. Link to comment
grw Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Littlestar I don't understand .... do you want your ex back? If so, since you broke up with him, why are you in NC?? Link to comment
johnsf1980 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 Littlestar, why not get back with your ex if you miss him heaps? Why maintain NC? The last time I saw the ex face to face, post the breakup some months ago, was when she went to a concert with me in the 2nd week of December.... at the end of the night she gave me the biggest kiss on the cheek and said she loved me loads. Then her grandma passed away a few weeks later (she contacted me for support as soon as she found out) and straight after this shes right into the relationship with this guy from her work shes been seeing for less than 3 weeks!! In less than 3 weeks the guy has been introduced to her young daughter and to her parents, shes met his family, etc, etc.... says to her friends that hes the next best thing to sliced bread, she cant find any faults in him (unbelievable!!) and they are off on holiday together (including her young daughter!). Her ex husband got remarried a month ago and I don't think she felt good about that.... and then with her grandmas passing on.... it seems like she has grabbed on to the first guy that's shown her a bit of attention? Link to comment
Maverick212 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 you know i'm a little curious about this as well, i'd love to hear the explanation from a female point of view. exccellent question Johns Link to comment
thejigsup Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 You guys really want the truth? If she's with a new guy she's too busy having sex to think much about you. Will she ever? Sure! If the new guy stays great (it happens) she will remember you as an old flame that wasn't right for her. If he isn't that great (it happens) she will think of you wistfully. If you never insulted her, yelled at her, threatened her, or embarrassed her in front of friends or family, she may even call you and ask what's up. But we rarely get back with guys we broke up with. Some women do, but the majority of women out there have this unwritten rule: Stay as long as you want to keep trying to fix him. If he's unfixable, leave him and go with a new guy. Continue until you find a winner. Took me until I was 43 to find the right guy. Still had guys begging me to go out with them at that age. Either I'm hot or guys aren't too picky. Maybe both;-) Link to comment
Sturmhouse Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 What happens when the woman doesn't try to fix the guy, but breaks up anyways? Link to comment
johnsf1980 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 So how many guys did you have to go thru till you found the winner at 43? And how long have you been with him for and are you still with him? Link to comment
littlestar Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I did break up with him but i am playing along the lines of if he wants me back he needs to make the effort, he needs to know where he went wrong and he needs to show me he is getting help for his problems and is willing to change for himself and not for me. If i get a call from him right now proving to me the steps he has taken i'd be back in his arms before he could say another word. Link to comment
johnsf1980 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 I did break up with him but i am playing along the lines of if he wants me back he needs to make the effort, he needs to know where he went wrong and he needs to show me he is getting help for his problems and is willing to change for himself and not for me. If i get a call from him right now proving to me the steps he has taken i'd be back in his arms before he could say another word. Does he know how you feel? Because perhaps being the dumpee, even though he is getting help for his problems and he wants you back, he's employing NC to protect himself from further hurt because he doesn't know how you feel? Link to comment
real_life_101 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Haha no shes not with anyone, if she was she would not be here. Dont listen to her crap, just a commitment phobe old lady. Just start dating it will happen buddy. In most cases mine have come back, but I already had them so whats the point. Go on to stake out new ground, she went from someone special to just another notch. We all get stung and come here for answers, but truth is no one is perfect so dont treat them that way. We always seem to do that in that lust phase, then they wonder what happened a 1 year down the road. Be yourself but be true to your self... Link to comment
ieatglue Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Haha no shes not with anyone, if she was she would not be here. Dont listen to her crap, just a commitment phobe old lady. Short and sweet. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I had an active love life when I was younger. I didn't want to get married (still don't), had many guys chasing me and made the best of it. I had a ball! I wanted to find the perfect man! I have been with him nine years now. The only man who has been worth it. He's rich, successful, intelligent, funny, independent, friendly with my friends and family, his family likes me and vice versa, his kids are grown, he's great in bed, handsome, and lets' me have my career and always encourages me to do more and be more. In other words, the perfect male. Now, he's not really perfect, he has faults. But he has all the important things I want, so that makes him perfect. Plus, he thinks like me so we understand each other. I'm not old, I'm rather hot. A typical L.a. blonde who has taken very good care of herself. Commitmentphobe? Yeah, guilty there. But I'm honest about it. Like I said, he thinks like me so we don't put any pressure on each other. But think what you want, I know I'm a rare breed. But I like it;-) Link to comment
johnsf1980 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 Hmmmm whats someone who has the perfect man doing on here anyways and whats with the thread you started on the cheating ex a few months ago especially since you have the perfect man for 9 years? Link to comment
thejigsup Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 He wasn't cheating, he had his ex stay the night at our place. I put a PI on him and he came out clean. She hasn't been close to our town or our house since. I was even a palbearer at his mom's funeral. We are very tight, he just behaves himself now, like a good boy. You have to train 'em right. So yeah, he's perfect for me. He knows the rules and sticks to them. Nothing like a PI to put the fear of God in them. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I'm signing off now, so you boys behave yourself, okay? ROTFLMAO! Link to comment
UCLAMike Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Hey lady, it's just YOU. What you suggested, not even guys do that and we are more obsessed with sex than girls. This is definitely a terrible advice and applies to no one but you. I am ashamed you are allowed to post here. Link to comment
johnsf1980 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 So any other female dumpers care to comment? Link to comment
Decaf08 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I'm sorry but thejigsup is right for some matter. If the new guys that women are seeing fulfill her emotional needs physical needs, and etc., the last thing on their mind is their former flames. It's when the new man starts messing up will she realize that you were the better partner. But usually by that time you would've moved on and found yourself a better person as well. The caveat to that observation is that you did truly improve yourself, changed in such a way that the problems that led to break up don't apply anymore. That being said, You wont get the relationship back, instead you start a new one. For Example, Hopearises experience with his ex. are positive and all but you realize that what they're going through is a brand new start, not a sequel to the tragic past. Link to comment
johnsf1980 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 I'm sorry but thejigsup is right for some matter. If the new guys that women are seeing fulfill her emotional needs physical needs, and etc., the last thing on their mind is their former flames. It's when the new man starts messing up will she realize that you were the better partner. But usually by that time you would've moved on and found yourself a better person as well. The caveat to that observation is that you did truly improve yourself, changed in such a way that the problems that led to break up don't apply anymore. That being said, You wont get the relationship back, instead you start a new one. For Example, Hopearises experience with his ex. are positive and all but you realize that what they're going through is a brand new start, not a sequel to the tragic past. I guess so.... the new relationship is "new" and she's said to her friends she cant find ANY faults in him and hes "besotted" with her so shes "very" happy. Gotta wait till the relationship isnt so new anymore, the faults start appearing and he isnt besotted with her anymore I guess Link to comment
johnsf1980 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Well after 5 days of NC, I just sent her an email to basically say I wished her well and that I was putting space between us. I'm not sure if I did the right thing but I thought for reverse psychology thing to work she had to realize I had the strength to say I love you but goodbye, I'm moving on.... I hope I didn't just screw it all up. Link to comment
Adge Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Did you get any response, John? Link to comment
johnsf1980 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Did you get any response, John? No but I haven't received a Read Receipt yet so it would appear she hasn't read the email yet... Darn, I hope I did the right thing with regards to the reverse psychology, I'm leaving you, kind of thing. Link to comment
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