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When you realize things aren't as always as they seem. When you've given up hopes. When you accept that they are never coming back. When you know in your heart that it will never be the same. When you love somebody and let them go. When you say goodbye to yesterday but can still think of your tomorrow with them.

 

When you lose a part of yourself. When you experience the lowest of the lows and discover that you can keep sinking. All of it hurts.

 

Pulling yourself out of a hole. When you're alone and have nobody. When you could be surrounded with happiness, but life just doesn't feel right. When you're lost and can't find your way. When you're frantically holding on to something that wants to be free. When you're killing time by improving yourself, but your thoughts are with one person. When your heart refuses to let go. When you hurt and cry so badly that you pray every chance you get.

 

When you just want to be done and are hurting. When you are working to get over it and be in a better position. When you're in so much pain that you don't know what it feels like to not be in pain.

 

I've come to acceptance. Accepting my pain. Accepting that there is no future between me and her. Spending so much time alone that I'm tired of myself. Tired of these thoughts. Tired of praying for relief. Tired of holding out another day. Awaiting the day to be happy again. I've been pushing myself constantly and getting out of this comfortable misery. I'm not finding anything that is helping one bit. I've been debating what the heck is wrong with me. I don't want to carry this burden forever.

 

I know it's all self inflicted and I just don't get it. When am I going to be done with this? I'm trusting the process, but it's not as quickly as I want it to be. This constant heartache and sadness. Please tell me the sadness goes away completely? Ugh, I despise this pain.

 

One person who will never regain my trust. A person who I will never speak to. Somebody who has lost their importance in my world. A distant memory that will die. My time to rise shall come. This dark period shall pass. Nobody will ever hurt me like this ever again. I promise myself I will get over this. I promise to get better. I promise to make something of myself. All of my tears will be returned with happiness. I swear I will make it through this.

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You will make it through this. I can tell, just because of how self-aware you are in this post.

 

I am going through the same thing. I always thought that the break-up itself would be the worst pain, but...going through that process, getting to that point of acceptance, well, as you've found out, it seems infintely more painful in a lot of ways.

 

I know what you mean about it not coming quickly enough. I often tell myself I "should" be there by now, but...I am learning, as you said here, that this is a process, and I have to trust (mostly in myself) that I will get there.

 

I think it was Robert Frost (but I can't be 100% sure) who said (I'm paraphrasing here) "Things haven't always turned out the way I had hoped they would, but looking back, they've always turned out the way they should have." Someday, you will feel this. It might take awhile, but you'll get there. You have a lot of insight into yourself, and you are doing the 100% right thing by feeling your pain and working through it with yourself. I have learned through all that I have been through recently that no matter what happens, I am always here for me. I can always count on myself. Not that I can't count on others, but, I just know that no matter what anyone else says, or does, or chooses, I will be OK.

 

Hang in there.

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push,

 

please also accept that you are a strong person who has gained insight into your life, your relationship, insight into the truth, and the fact that you have been able to admit the truth, the write out the truth and at the same time to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, says a lot about you, your strength, and your will to persevere...

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push,

 

please also accept that you are a strong person who has gained insight into your life, your relationship, insight into the truth, and the fact that you have been able to admit the truth, the write out the truth and at the same time to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, says a lot about you, your strength, and your will to persevere...

 

I don't know. Am I really that strong? I sit here hurting. Trying to figure out what went wrong. Continue to loving her, although she cheated on me. Accepting it in my heart that she is not the one. Trying really hard to see a better tomorrow. Trying to be as happy as I once was when I was with her, but without her.

 

I just don't know anymore. My heart wants her back. My head just wants to be done with this. I just want to be over this and never look back. I want my life to be back together instead of in shambles. Over one GIRL. This should be easy. This should be a easy decision. No hands down, but my heartache is telling me something else.

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I just don't know what to do at this point. I keep waking up thinking about her or dreaming about her. The pain is horrible. It goes away, but the thoughts are consuming me. I keep distracting myself, but this is consuming my life.

 

How many more months of torture do I need to put myself through to get over this...

 

I wish I wasn't so damn sensitive or self aware of my current surroundings. I'm taking this so hard. I feel so damn devastated. Why does this loss have to be so damn monumental.

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I just don't know what to do at this point. I keep waking up thinking about her or dreaming about her. The pain is horrible. It goes away, but the thoughts are consuming me. I keep distracting myself, but this is consuming my life.

 

How many more months of torture do I need to put myself through to get over this...

 

I wish I wasn't so damn sensitive or self aware of my current surroundings. I'm taking this so hard. I feel so damn devastated. Why does this loss have to be so damn monumental.

 

It is monumental because you have lost someone you love, and in a way, a part of your heart and a part of yourself. For two and a half months, all my thoughts were on how to possibly be with her again, how to make her truly see that I loved her and want to be with me. Any attention or little tidbits of affection that she gave me, I gobbled up. And now that I've had time to clear my head, I've realized how much pain I went through, and how much I wrecked my life for something that isn't even worth it anymore.

 

Obviously you were with my ex for a lot longer than I was with mine, so the pain must be greater, but as boring and cliched and mundane as it sounds, you just need to continue to look to the future, and have hope. Push, you are going to get there one day, when you don't feel any pain or remorse or sadness about your ex. You are extremely insightful and aware of what your feeling. That is good. That means you know what you are trying to pull yourself out of. Now, you just need to continue your journey. You know that you will be happy and will make it through this, so keep on truckin', buddy. Because that day is closer than you think.

 

-huskiesfan

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Thanks, I keep looking at the future, but it still seems connected with her. I'm trying to tear that picture a part and take a new one. A image of my own, whatever I want to be in the future, I'm working towards.

 

I'm tired of this journey and trying to pull myself out. I don't understand why this hole is so damn deep. I think I'm okay, other times I feel like garbage, then I feel sad. It's so damn emotionally draining. I'm not even in contact with her, I don't want her, I don't need her. Yet something is lingering. I guess it a cruel and odd way, love is still there.

 

I am a mess.

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Hey man,

 

You are physiologically depressed. Answer the following:

 

(1) have you had any alcohol in the past 24 hours?

(2) Have you had an aerobic workout (break a sweat) in the past 24 hours?

 

Please answer honestly.

 

I drink socially. Haven't had a drink in over 72 hours. I went to the gym yesterday and Friday to keep myself active and achieve the body I want. Yes, I know I am depressed, I just can't figure out why it's been so damn long. 5 months now. I have never been like this.

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Push,

5 months is not much time at all when you love someone deeply. I wish i could make it go away for you, I know how hard it is....you just gotta ride it out....please keep posting when you need to....

 

I keep posting. I hate it though. It's like the same thing over and over again. I have an epiphany. I share my insight. Yet the pain is still there. This healing process is HARD. I know I'm going to be alone for a long while, by my choice, at least until I have my life in order anyways.

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...

I know, it sucks, it is a horrible feeling and the dreams are the worst (they WILL stop soon). As far as how long you will be alone is impossible to say. I have known people to meet someone MUCH sooner than they thought they would after a breakup. I am not saying it will be tomorrow, and obviously you need more time with this, but that doesn't mean you will alone for a long time necessarily - you would be surprised. And if you don't want it, that is okay, too....

 

I think for my own benefit. It's best to be alone. I really don't want anybody close to me at this point in my life because of the self inflicted pain. It's just not her that did this to me. I'm starting to have a dilemma about my life and my past. The past is the past, however it still haunts me to this day. Something is underlying about this pain. Either that, or I'm blowing this out of proportion and playing the victim card. Either way, I don't like it.

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..

Then by all means, take whatever time you need to. I don't think you are playing the victim card at all. You hurt. That does not make you a victim. It makes you human.

 

I don't know I'm uncertain at times. This pain is driving me nuts. I keep talking and talking about it. It won't just go away. I'm acknowledging it and not letting it blow out of proportion. I just want to break down sometimes, but I can't. I'm in uncharted waters. Never dealt with this before and don't ever want to. I'm just tired of the hurt and want to be healed. Doing everything I possibly can to make it to tomorrow. I feel sick and tired all the time. I don't know if I'm even me anymore. It's like I'm going through a big change and I can't cope with it. Although I am coping with it, it feels like I'm not.

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You sound quite lucid and rational for someone who has just been through and is going through hell (which is what it is, I know). So IMO, you are coping quite well. Look, you were a good bf and she betrayed you leaving you wondering, what the f*ck? It is the most hurtful and frustrating thing in the whole world when all you did was love them and they could do that. I should be so lucky to one day have a man who loves me as you do her....and one day SHE will realize she HAD that man..

 

I could care less about what she feels. Or what happens to the future. I'm living in the present tending to my wounds. I know I'm a good person and what I have to offer, nobody else can. The same can be said for anybody on the face of the planet. This doesn't hinder or put me down in any way. I just accept the reality of it. I'm just wondering when can I take a day off from hell.

 

=/

 

Betrayal hurts, but I don't lose my hope. Not everybody is out to get me, not everybody is looking to hurt me. However, the one person I trusted most, betrayed my trust. It brings up lots of things in my past that I thought I had moved on from.

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Sundays are the worse for me. 2 weeks of paid vacation. Time to think and time to being alone. Learning to enjoy my own company again. Hating my own thoughts. I don't get how people make it through this. It feels like I'm going to be here for a LONG LONG time.

 

Keeping track of my healing process, it's up and down. Having to write it out, because I have nobody to talk to about it. I guess I invested myself too much. I thought it would be okay with her. Hm... I really did love her. What a sad story. Hopefully, I can come back here one day and share a good one.

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  • 1 month later...

i am feeling or have been feeling the same and i feel it won't go away.. in a way its making me a better person because for so long i felt i had lost my emotions... n now im enjoying feeling this way.. its as temporary and as permanent as you make it...

these feelings can only motivate you to be better n do better in life

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this is one of my favourite works by khalil gibran:

 

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses

your understanding.

 

Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that it's

heart may stand in the sun,

so must you know pain.

 

And could you keep your heart in wonder at the

daily miracles of your life,

your pain would not seem

less wonderous than your joy.

 

And you would accept the seasons of your heart,

even as you have always accepted the seasons

that pass over your fields.

 

And you would watch with serenity

through the winters of your grief.

 

Much of your pain is self-chosen.

 

It is the bitter potion by which the physician within

you heals your sick self.

 

thereforee trust the physician,

and drink his remedy

in silence and tranquility.

 

For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by

the tender hand of the Unseen.

 

And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips,

has been fashioned of the clay

which the Potter has moistened

with His own sacred tears."

 

there is pain when we realize that something is over, what we once were touching, feeling, hearing, we might never reach it again. it hurts. it hurts, but it opens our eyes, minds, and hearts to the wider world. you don't have to suffer, it doesn't have to be a prolonged pain. and like the philosopher above said, emotions are like the seasons, they come and go. you will do better.

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