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How to be friends without leading someone who likes you on...


Anon333

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Long story short...I met a guy at work...Just moved here earlier this year and have been having some trouble making friends..Have been single over a year. Well this guy liked me, we went on a couple dates, but I met someone else I like better. He was kinda in his circle of friends. Things with the second guy didnt work out. He wasnt over his ex, going through personal stuff. I have backed off and trying to move on from it all, get back into happy single mode instead of lonely single mode....Anyway...

 

The first guy from work still really likes me. I never told him about his friend and dont really plan on telling him. I still have feelings for his friend even though it was a short run relationship and he doesnt even try to be friends. I told the first guy I didnt want to get into a relationship unless I really saw a potential. Trying to let him down easy. I said I only saw him as a friend. He told me he doesnt want to give up on me and that he cant stop thinking about me...That he rarely has ever come accross anyone he has felt like this....I have tried to avoid hanging out with him, yet Im friendly with him...

 

He asks me over and to do things with him, and I usually decline unless it is with a group of people....He just asked me to go see a movie with him...How do I be friends with him without leading im on? Is it wrong to go to the movies with him, even though Ive told him Im not interested. Its obvious he thinks he still has a chance, but I dont think I would ever feel as strongly about him as I would his friend..EVen if I have no chance with his friend, I want to meet someone I feel that way about.....

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There's not much you can do but tell him flat out it's never gonna happen. If you don't want to lead him on and still be friends thats the bes way to go. If you just don't want to lead him on cut him off forhis own good. He'll get over you. Ohterwise you'll be friends and he'll have to sit back as you dat other guys and have is heart crushed. Hopefully that will make him see the light of day.

 

As long as HE likes you he will lead himself on. You've made it clear that you just want friendship obviously.

 

You are not obligated to feel guilty(if you do). So don't.

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Thanks..The problem is that I work with him, so we are friendly..Almost all the friends Ive made since I have been here have been men who are interested in more than friendship, so I avoid hanging out with them except going out to parties or public situations where I hang out and see them....I dont want to cut off friendship with this guy because we have the same interests and he is a genuine person. I just dont think I even feel comfortable hanging out with him knowing he likes me..Same thing with the other guys. Meanwhile I'm still crushing on the other guy..The difference with the other guy is he was really interested in me and liked me and took me on a few dates, but got cold feet after hearing from his ex and not being over her.....I still have hope that months down the road he might come around, but I really am trying to just move on and forget about him....

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Okay...Well, here is the problem..If I hadnt met this guy who was his friend, I probably would have given things a shot with this guy...if I think about it, even though Im really hurt about things not working out with the other guy, maybe it was a twisted way of fate making me realize the other guy isnt who I wanted to be with, and I would have been settling..Anyway..What I really dont know how to turn this guy down without hurting him and losing him as a friend..He texted me about seeing a movie next week and I havent responded.....I just dont know what to say..I was gonna say "sure"...But I really dont want to lead him on...Im still so sad about the other guy...

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ghost 69 thanks..It is hard because I want to be his friend..The other day he sad he had something for me at work..But I wasnt there..Then he said they died in the car..Im assuming flowers or something? It weirds me out...He keeps trying to get me to go hang out or go to the movies...I have blown him off so much, I think it makes him try more....I hoped he just knows I want to be friends....Sometimes I think I lead him on by being friendly and nice..it is really hard to be mean when you like someone as a friend....

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ghost 69 thanks..It is hard because I want to be his friend..The other day he sad he had something for me at work..But I wasnt there..Then he said they died in the car..Im assuming flowers or something? It weirds me out...He keeps trying to get me to go hang out or go to the movies...I have blown him off so much, I think it makes him try more....I hoped he just knows I want to be friends....Sometimes I think I lead him on by being friendly and nice..it is really hard to be mean when you like someone as a friend....

 

just keep it professional at work. hi's and bye's. don't hang out with him when not at work. see, it's nice to be someone's friend, but when they want something other than friendship and you don't, you can't do this. it just causes potential drama. this guy should be a bit stronger. it's kind of weak to hold on to someone as a friend in hopes of one day getting to date them. i know i don't continue with a girl if i didn't get what i was originally after... a date or more. no need to do the friends thing.

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yeah Ghost...I feel bad, be because I have been pining after another guy that has no interest in me...I tried staying in loose contact with him after we dated a few weeks, but he showed no interest..He wasnt over his ex I think. Anyway..I dont plan on trying anymore or contacting him, and Im almost glad he didnt try to be my friend. So I understand how when you really like someone, you can trick yourself into thinking you can just be friends with them or win them over...It is a boost to my ego that he likes me, especially when I feel rejected by the other guy...But I think you are right and he should have gotten the picture and backed off more than he has...He said he didnt want to give up on a chance, which to me is not only stupid to say, even if ou are thinking it, but it really scares me to even want to be his friend..The guy I like probably thinks the same way about me!

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yeah, that is a bit creepy. glad you realize something is wrong about this.

 

it's not even just this...i had an ex that had a guy from work wanting to date her and all that. he would try and make moves. she just thought it was friendly playing around. i told her just watch, he will cross the line. guess what? she found out. he asked her out knowing i was dating her. i told her to never bring that fool around me or he will get punished.

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You can't be friends with him if he still likes you. Nothing you do will change how he feels, unless of course you do something drastic or mean. The point here is that HIS feelings aren't going to stop if you just say you should be friends. He'll still want to be with you and that's how it is. Your only option is to cut off contact until he comes around and that emotion goes away or he finds someone else to obsess over.

 

Let this also be a lesson to everyone else why you don't poop where you eat. Never EVER date at work unless you don't have a problem getting a job somewhere else.

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