roxursox Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Hi everyone Not quite sure where this should go, feel free to move it as needed. Okay lets see, just a bit of background, my boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple months now, we're both pretty close with our families and we both live at home for the time being. I love him dearly, and although its never been said, I can tell the admiration is mutual. We live about an hour and a half drive from each other, so we see each other two or three days a week most weeks. Our parents are very open minded and don't mind us spending the night at each others houses, which we usually do. Although he tells me his parents are fine with the arrangement, I can't help but feeling like his mom doesn't approve of me, for a reason I have yet to determine, other than perhaps that I got sick the first night I was supposed to be introduced to them, and couldn't make it, which lead us to being introduced in a very awkward manner later on. She has said that she feels like she doesn't know me, but despite being painfully shy I've made attempts to try to invite conversation, which never end up going as planned. Lately I feel that she doesn't like me at all. If I say something to her, she wont acknowledge it, or when I enter the room, her facial expression changes completely. I don't believe she has ever said anything to him about it, or if she has, it hasn't changed his opinion of me drastically. I'm also aware of the fact that I'm depressed and may just feel like she doesn't like me, but I really get the feeling that it's more than just in my head. I know that she and her son have a very strong relationship which I don't want to take away from or interfere with, but it really hurts my feelings that I feel shunned for reasons I'm not aware of. I care about my boyfriend so much and I don't want to cause a rift in his family, or cause drama, but I'm having such a hard time dealing with the sense of unwelcome that I feel being around her. I don't know how to bring this up to him in a way that wont make him feel like he has to chose sides. I just want everyone to feel comfortable and get along. Has anyone ever been in a situation like this, or can offer some advice? Thanks a bunch Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 maybe you should ask her out for coffee and a day of shopping or something else where just the two of you can get to talk and get to know each other. that may help break the ice. good luck!!! Link to comment
DN Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 maybe you should ask her out for coffee and a day of shopping or something else where just the two of you can get to talk and get to know each other. that may help break the ice. good luck!!! Yes- I agree with this. Just keep it light and simple and don't tell her you think she doesn't like you. Link to comment
wastedlove Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 You seem like a genuinely nice and decent person to worry about this matter, im sure that given time his mother will see this and in the mean time try to relax around her and be yourself, it is natural for his mother to worry that you will break his heart so she is maybe just being cautios of u for now. maybe you could talk to your boyfriend how you feel but do it in a way that expresses you like his mom and want your friendship with her to blossom. I was in a similar situation when i was younger so i hope this helps Link to comment
roxursox Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 Thanks everyone, these all seem like good ideas, I think I am going to try to talk to my boyfriend and maybe he can give me some ideas as well. Link to comment
TBE_1989 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 How old are you? I'm 19, and both myself and my best friend (19 too) were convinced that our first boyfriend's mothers did not like us! If you're your bf's first girlfriend, she may just be concerned for him and be worried about him getting hurt. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Early on in my relationship I went out for dinner/lunch/breakfast with my boyfriend and his mom. I found this helped alot. In addition, he would make conversation and bring topics up that he knew we both liked, or had in common, felt the same way about, that both drove us crazy about her son, and he made us bond and acted as the middle ground to branch two complete strangers together. It does take time. And sometimes through effort, commitment and dedication to your boyfriend and his family, they do come around on their own. Link to comment
Darkness_Falls Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Perhaps speak to your boyfriend and find out what she is interested in. Then spark up a conversation about what ever it is and she should start talking with you. I agree that speaking to your boyfriend about it would be the best thing, perhaps his mum is always like this with new people. Link to comment
Truth317 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I was in a very very similiar situation with an ex-girlfriend. And when I say I went out of my way - I mean just that. I went WAY out of my way to try deal with that. Unfortunately, it had a very profound impact upon our relationship and after 3 years we just couldn't keep it together any longer. Link to comment
kooleone Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 mothers are ALLWAYS protective about their sons if he cares he should standup to his mother good luck!! Link to comment
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