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Incredibly angry - please offer advice.


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Not so much at my ex, but at some of my friends.

 

Let me explain.

 

My ex contacted myself and some of my friends over Xmas via text to catch up with us. He said he wanted to chat with me again and asked me to see him some time, but no concrete plans were made. (He was probably drunk when he said ''i'd like to go for a drink soon'')

 

I thought this was a bit weird, especially as my ex put ''xx' in his messages ro to me. We had a joke when we were together how neither of us was the type of person to do that. Still though, I didn't read into his contact too much.

 

But, the three wisest people I know - my mum, my best friend, and my mum's best friend (who's a psychic, although in this context that's irrelevant, she's just a very wise person) all independently assumed that he wanted to get back together with me. I probed them on this - as you would - and they said that, although my ex had said nothing to them, they figured that him all of a sudden contacting me and even checking up on my friends after six months of NC must have meant something.

 

The more they spoke, the more convinced I became. And for the last week, I've been fantasising about reconiciliation and my ex realising he'd made a mistake in letting me go. I know, it's a bit silly, but it's hard to describe just how much I trust these three women. They are, literally, the three people I trust most and they all give great advice. I assumed that because they all thought this independently then it must be true that my ex wants to reconcile.

 

But he hasn't texted me in a week Granted, I didn't text him (apart from a Happy New Year text which he didn't respond to), but - because I got my hopes up about getting back together, his lack of contact has me really down.

 

I'm angry.

- I'm angry at those three people for convincing me that he wanted reconciliation.

 

- I'm angry at myself for believing them so literally. I'm angry at myself for being upset over my silly ex once again.

 

- I'm angry at my ex for contacting me and then not following up on it with any concrete plans to meet up and talk, just us.

 

- I'm angry at this general situation, as I was pretty much over him, then contact came, now I feel like I'm back at square one.

 

On a side note, I think I need serious help to get over this breakup. Six months may not seem like a long time. And it's not a longtime after a divorce or a really long relationship. But we were together for nine months. He was my first boyfriend, not a husband or a life-long partner. He had plenty of faults. This shouldn't be an earth-shattering breakup. But it is to me, and I'm sick of suffering.

 

I've done everything flawlessly since day one (hell, I even wrote a 'how to get over a breakup' thread on here after just a week), but, right now, nothing's helping. I started crying today when I realised he did not view my myspace when he was logged on. (I have that profile tracker thing). I don't know what's wrong. I'm becoming obssessed.

 

Please just help..in some way. WHat do you think of this situation? how can I move forward after a relapse? (Aside from asking for NC)

 

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Did you ever text him back? Make concrete plans??

 

It sucks that you got all worked up, but don't be so hard on yourself. Your 'friend's' opinion was perfectly acceptable given the situation, your own reaction was as well. And it made you realize that you do need to get over him. I would stop worrying about spilt milk and a situation that didn't exist and try to start doing something to move on with your life. It hurts yes, but it won't get any better until you try.

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So you have come to the conclusion that you are actually still not over your ex. Who is telling you, you need to by now?. It takes its course for everyone in a different way. You have made great progress, acknowledge that. But also be compassionate enough to yourself that you are just suffering a relapse right now.

 

Dont project the sadness you feel into anger towards the ones who love you. They really have your best interest at heart..they know that you werent over him. They felt that him contacting you probably would be the thing you would have longed for the most. So its not a bad thing that they feel happy about that themselves..they are hoping that you are getting what you desire too you know..for you. Maybe they were wrong, but dont be mad at them, just tell them calmly that it is best that they dont feed you with hopeful moments in the future again.

 

As for you...accept that this ride is a bumpy one and that you WILL have relapses. If you dont want to be surprised with renegade texts from the ex...change your phonenr. He knows where you live..he can send you a letter if he needs to, call your home or even email you if necessary..

 

If this has got you thrown..change the nr and pass the new one to all of your friends.

 

Expect the whole process of healing to take at least a year. When you have loved someone deeply..you cant say "a month for every year bla bla".. Anything shorter than that is your gain. Let the proces do its work..

 

You know that you have made some good progress the last months..this is not a sign of you not being over him..it is a sign of you being human. Next to that..maybe you have been in denial a bit about your feelings.. So this is a good reality check. And all it means is that you have to recoup and figure out what to do now to protect yourself.

 

And seriously.."how to get over your ex after just one week" ;-) hihi..

 

Dont be too hard on yourself. Stay in the now..be grateful for all the progress you have made, realize your family really loves you..and have a talk with them about it. Then do something fun with friends to relieve your mind a bit ok?

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Balbina - thanks! I did text him back but I think he was drunk at the time so nothing really came of it.

 

 

 

Thanks for your words I know I should be easier on myself and realise it's ok to still be upset, especially after this contact. It's just hard because I was so okay before this damn thing happened, yknow?

 

I'm so grateful for my family and my friends being there for me, and I'm working on the anger.

 

Btw - I didn't write a "how to get over your ex after just one week" thread, I wrote a ''how to get over your ex'' thread one week AFTER we broke up lol, I would never assume anyone would get over anything in a week!

 

Thanks again, guys.

 

Keep the advice coming, I'm still in a weird place regarding this.

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Thank you very much

 

And your sig sums up exactly how I feel, too, although maybe not quite as positive as how you are thinking.

 

Positive thinking comes in spurts alas. I feel like I am temporarily a manic depressive because I go from crying, to numb, to happy and hopeful all in a few hours (or minutes) time. I am pulling for you and we are all in this together so you definitely aren't alone

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