Overcontrolling Parents & My Life

[WillamB83]

Hey guys. I have a problem. I am graduating college this May and I am starting a professional career. My parents are very very controlling and to this day my mother still gets mad when I try to go to concerts & such. They are expecting me to move back in with them when I graduate and live out of their house. I stayed with them over the christmas break and I cannot stand living in that situation. I feel depressed like I am missing out on life. I think its just because I have a lot more energy to do things and different tastes than they have. I know my parents will be heartbroken when I tell them I want to move away. My sister blew them off right away and hardly talks to them. How should I go about this? I did some research and it turns out that my job will not be very profitable in their town and I want to go where the money is for now... I also want to live a normal lifestyle and have a girlfriend and such without having my parents towering over me everyday... Does anyone have some ideas to tell my parents that I want out?

[JeckyllNHyde]

I don't think there is any way to tell them other then just coming out and telling them your (very good) reason (which is financial to begin with) for not wanting to move back home with them for now.

I can however tell you, that I very much sympathize since I am still in the exact situation you described, only with a SLIGHTLY less controlling dad. He still makes an issue if I stay out all night, and I've never been allowed to stay over at friends, let alone bf's houses. Very frustrating. But I digress..

 

I think it's a really good choice to move out and experience life. Just try and keep in touch with your parents by calling regularly, and visiting when you can.

 

I don't know how I'd leave my dad. But if he where married it would be a bit less hard.

[DN]

Apply for jobs that would make it impossible to live at home. When you get the job you need the reason to move won't be because you don't want to live at home but because you have to live in a place accessible to your job. That makes it about the circumstances of your career rather than about them.

[Balbina]

I think you should have a "grown up" discussion with them, in which you just TELL THEM of your post-graduate plans.

 

If they love you as much as you say they do, they will be upset but completely supportive...especially if you come up with a budget (say you calculate expenses, etc, and figure out how often you can come see them).

 

Basically, approach them with a plan that they can't refuse because you're set to go.

[amipushy]

I agree with DN. Make it about the job rather than not wanting to live with them. They don't need to know you don't want live in their house because of their controling ways.

 

Just making the break will be enough and they will accept it and get over it.