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Do you warn people youre Dating that you have a crazy stalker ex ?


selkie

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My ex bf and i broke up 30 months ago

I moved 100 miles away because he became threatening and abusive and I basically gave up my life savings to get away

Had to sell my lovely condo (it was and is in one of the few bubble free areas, instead i bought in a new town all my value is wiped out)

 

In the months before I escaped him we were semi broken up.

He started dating someone new without telling me.

I tried to stay friends and thats when he became physically abusive.

We had been together for 5 years and he had always been controlling and verbally harsh.

He slapped, hit, choked, shoved and held me against my will for an hour in his apt.

Said he might kill any guy he saw me dating.

 

Anyway he has electronically stalked me all this time

my job is very visible and ive had to give up job offers for fear of him finding me.

I've blocked him but he's used our old friends to get to me.

I had to drop friends because of him.

He even got engaged and used youtube to send me his engagement video !

crazy stuff

I ended up with PTSD for a while because it just got to be too much.

Now I havent heard from him since his engagement video.

New Years Day I decided to relax and make my blog and myspace searchable.

 

He found me and today was a friend request ! PSYCHOOOOOO

 

Anyway I felt the need to warn the guy Im dating.

we've been friend for 18 months so he knows about him and acts very cool and understanding/

 

But in the future is this a bad idea ?

Should I not give a heads up ?

 

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Have you considered putting a restraining order on this guy so he can't contact you?

 

That's what I was going to ask.. Have you ever filed a police report against him. There was some real abuse there that would merit some charges.

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I wouldn't say it right off the bat until the ex does something that warrants you to warn your current or prospective date that you have a psycho ex.

 

Have you considered putting a restraining order on this guy so he can't contact you?

 

 

The cops I've spoke to have told me that R.O. are to build cases and CAN sometimes make things worth with crazies.

Since I left my ex I do work with abused women,

and sadly ROs don't seem to help in half the cases.

 

 

He is soooo psycho that after I told him to never contact me again he got in one last email and told me I wans't allowed to contact him... haha

I have all his insane emails saved on an offline server and in safe deposit box.

 

Everyone I spoke to just said to ignore him and let things die out.

But he doesnt seem to ever stop

Like a human Terminator.

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I wouldn't say it right off the bat until the ex does something that warrants you to warn your current or prospective date that you have a psycho ex.

 

Have you considered putting a restraining order on this guy so he can't contact you?

 

This is an excellent idea....this ex is not normal.

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That's what I was going to ask.. Have you ever filed a police report against him. There was some real abuse there that would merit some charges.

 

I made a complaint report on him a few years ago.

Its on file with the Police Dept forever.

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Atleast if you have a restraining order on him, if he contacts you he will have repercussions to pay. Doesn't seem like he is getting the hint otherwise.

 

 

As I said an RO for out of state abuse DOESNT carry weight.

I've spoken to many people ... I have a friend who is Federal Prosecutor, an aunt who is defense attorney and they both tell me the same thing.

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I would just ignore him. Move on with you life. You have moved on with your life, so don't allow his pathetic attempts to screw with you.

 

I had a psycho ex and I was in anguish over it for the longest time. You need to just ignore him and move on and eventually he WILL disappear. Keep declining his friend invites, don't reply to your friends regarding him, don't be afraid to take a job because of him. Live your life the way you want it and if he REALLY get in your way, you can take legal action.

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As I said an RO for out of state abuse DOESNT carry weight.

I've spoken to many people ... I have a friend who is Federal Prosecutor, an aunt who is defense attorney and they both tell me the same thing.

 

 

You need to issue an Out of state restraining order. It will hold repercussions if he breaks it regardless of where he lives.

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I would just ignore him. Move on with you life. You have moved on with your life, so don't allow his pathetic attempts to screw with you.

 

I had a psycho ex and I was in anguish over it for the longest time. You need to just ignore him and move on and eventually he WILL disappear. Keep declining his friend invites, don't reply to your friends regarding him, don't be afraid to take a job because of him. Live your life the way you want it and if he REALLY get in your way, you can take legal action.

 

Thanks. I will ALWAYS ignore him. Thats what he cant stand.... that I dont break down and contact him back.

Luckily all the guys I date now are great and very athletic and military and can kick his butt if he ever comes for me.

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Hmmmm, 30 months is a long time to be stalking. Maybe have him disposed of.

 

Oh and to answer your question, yes give a heads up after you have your new man wrapped up in you.

 

I just want him to stop contacting me.

 

 

He is the one who thinks and has talked about harming people (me)

Well he is sicilian, in new jersey and liked to tell me how his cousins knew mobsters.

he ll he once threatened to shove me into the Hudson river after slapping me just before I left him.

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I can't believe he's still stalking you 2 1/2 years after a breakup. Does he have any idea where you live or what you do now?

 

I changed my last name after I broke up with an ex that just couldn't get it through his head to leave me alone. I didn't do it ONLY to get him off my trail, I had been thinking about it for awhile & after I broke up with him it seemed like a good idea. (It's complicated, but after my mom remarried I was the only person in my family with my last name, so I changed it to my dad's last name). I also changed my email address & my phone number. He still contacted my family, but he couldn't contact ME.

 

If I were you I would probably delete the online profiles. It's probably one of the few things that allows him to keep tabs on you.

 

Also, recently in the apartment complex I used to live in a couple people were murdered. It looked like this couple was dating for years, had domestic abuse reports over the years. They broke up & she started seeing someone new. Both her & the new guy were found dead.. one outside & one inside. The ex bf was arrested the next day accross the country. Not to scare you, it sounds like you've done just about everything you can to distance yourself from this guy. But the danger is very real & any person you date should be aware of it.

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I wouldn't bring it up right away. Somehow, even if you are just mentioning an ex to say how crazy he is, you're still bringing up AN EX on to a new guy you're dating. I'd stay away from doing that. Some people don't look at it from your side and could see it as you having baggage/not being ready for a relationship/still having feelings for the ex deep down/drama.

 

Also, I suggest you stay away from Social networking sites.. As hard as it may sound. Don't go on them. Specially ones like myspace and facebook which are widely used.

He's obviously very stalkerish and psycho and will go to any lenghts to contact you. So it's best to kind of "disappear".

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He's a coward with no life.

 

Unless you can reduce your electronic/online footprint then the only thing you can do is ignore him.

 

30 months and he hasn't physically shown up and acted on anything? He's never going to show up.

 

What a sad little man he must be. Ignore it, and reduce your visibility.

 

 

the weird part is i helped him get his job.

he is now a creative director at an ad agency in nyc making 400k a year (i supported his butt for years)

he makes national tv commercials

he is engaged to an attractive high powered corporate attorney.

 

he has a very full life, thats why it boggles my brain that he has time or interest in stalking me still.

](*,)

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I wouldn't bring it up right away. Somehow, even if you are just mentioning an ex to say how crazy he is, you're still bringing up AN EX on to a new guy you're dating. I'd stay away from doing that. Some people don't look at it from your side and could see it as you having baggage/not being ready for a relationship/still having feelings for the ex deep down/drama.

 

I agree with this. You don't have to talk about it on the first date or two or three, but if you begin dating one person regularly with a good relationship potential, they need to know from the get-go.

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He contacted my dying Grandmother 2 years ago. she was out of it mentally but still knew i moved home to be near her and get from him.

he is super smart and tracked down everything.

Ive been trying to sell my house for a YEAR to move away so he doesnt find me (please say a prayer that it finally sells !)

 

He's just so sick and twisted.

When she died he found out and sent my phone texts saying he was glad she died and was a horrible person.

(i changed my cell)

 

 

He is such an insane person.

 

F him. I will go on with my life.

His crap only gets me fired up to KEEP surviving.

iF i M not with him he eiether wants me broken and with no life or dead.

 

The irony in all of this is that he works in sam ebuilding in NYC as Lifetime network. He is a lifetime movie of the week waiting to happen.

 

 

I already went thru HELL growing up but made me peace with my Mother.

He knows Ive had a tough life ... I have brains and looks going for me, but had a lot of crap to deal with.

He knows all this. Thats what makes his abuse and stalking even more evil.

He knows I need peace and happiness.

 

Monster.

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I wouldn't bring it up right away. Somehow, even if you are just mentioning an ex to say how crazy he is, you're still bringing up AN EX on to a new guy you're dating. I'd stay away from doing that. Some people don't look at it from your side and could see it as you having baggage/not being ready for a relationship/still having feelings for the ex deep down/drama.

 

Also, I suggest you stay away from Social networking sites.. As hard as it may sound. Don't go on them. Specially ones like myspace and facebook which are widely used.

He's obviously very stalkerish and psycho and will go to any lenghts to contact you. So it's best to kind of "disappear".

 

ive made my profiles hidden.

part of my JOB is social networking sites.

i won't curtail my life and interacting with good friends who live far away because of him.

thats what he WANTS !

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If I were you I would probably delete the online profiles. It's probably one of the few things that allows him to keep tabs on you.

.

 

FACEBOOK and myspace both allow one to make yourself totally invisible to anyone searching.

 

the one second i opened up the search on myspace and youtube is how he found me.

 

i cant let him get to me.

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FACEBOOK and myspace both allow one to make yourself totally invisible to anyone searching.

 

the one second i opened up the search on myspace and youtube is how he found me.

 

i cant let him get to me.

 

I'm on myspace as well but I don't really understand how opening a search allowed him to find you. You mean you unhid your profiles?

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ive made my profiles hidden.

part of my JOB is social networking sites.

i won't curtail my life and interacting with good friends who live far away because of him.

thats what he WANTS !

 

That's understandable. Would it be possible to not post pics of you on your profile pic?

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That's understandable. Would it be possible to not post pics of you on your profile pic?

 

Its actually part of my job.

I edit beauty and health sites.

And will actually be in the public eye a lot more come this Spring for vlogging healthy and beauty news.

 

I won't stop living my life because of him.

Im just letting everyone i know know about this to do damage control.

My 8 closest friends are already well aware of his crap.

They are fiercely protective.

 

I will be okay

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Do you really need to have a PUBLIC myspace/facebook profile for your job? I understand you aren't going to stop living your life because of him, and I don't expect you too but I really don't understand what you are willing to do in order to get him to stop. You won't put a restraining order on him, you won't make your online profiles private , what are you willing to do? Obviously it's bothering you and obviously he isn't getting the hint by you just ignoring him. People like him are incredibly dangerous and you need to do SOMETHING to stop it.

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Do you really need to have a PUBLIC myspace/facebook profile for your job? I understand you aren't going to stop living your life because of him, and I don't expect you too but I really don't understand what you are willing to do in order to get him to stop. You won't put a restraining order on him, you won't make your online profiles private , what are you willing to do? Obviously it's bothering you and obviously he isn't getting the hint by you just ignoring him. People like him are incredibly dangerous and you need to do SOMETHING to stop it.

 

It doesn't need to be public (they woul dlike that though)

its totally on private now.

pain because friends can't find me easily. and I have to add my co workers manually.

 

anyway someone called me 5 times last night and hung up....

the number was 000-123-3456

 

apparently thats a sykpe number for a lot of people.

 

never had that before

 

and then today i got an obvious attempt from my ex to add me under FAKE

facebook profile....

(not via my facebook, i changed the email to a new one AFTER he tried to request me yesterday)

So i got this at my old personal email:

 

Check out my Facebook profile

 

Hi cxxxxxx,

 

I set up a Facebook profile where I can post my pictures, videos and events and I want to add you as a friend so you can see it. First, you need to join Facebook! Once you join, you can also create your own profile.

 

Thanks,

Jane

 

To sign up for Facebook, follow the link below:

 

 

When I clicked on the profile, it looked like a fake photo and the person only had 3 friends.

Totally generic name and my personal email is very private.

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Do you really need to have a PUBLIC myspace/facebook profile for your job? I understand you aren't going to stop living your life because of him, and I don't expect you too but I really don't understand what you are willing to do in order to get him to stop. You won't put a restraining order on him, you won't make your online profiles private , what are you willing to do? Obviously it's bothering you and obviously he isn't getting the hint by you just ignoring him. People like him are incredibly dangerous and you need to do SOMETHING to stop it.

 

He needs to be locked up in an insane asylum so i can live MY LIFE !

 

He already wipe dme out financially (talking hundreds of thousands)

 

I have to live for me and not be scared.

safe but not curtailing my whole life.

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