What constitutes physical abuse?

[gary1958]

I've struggled with this one. I was in a 2 year relationship with someone. She told me after a year she had been diagnosed with Panic/Anxiety Disorder but wouldn't take her meds because of how they made her feel. The relationship was very volatile right from the outset. She was very emotionally over the top from the get go. Would over react to any perceived slight. Would yell and scream and rage over anything she felt was a perceived criticism usually inches from my face. Stomp around the house throwing a temper tantrum. Belittle and criticize me for never doing enough. And this happened only once and I have to say I always felt that she was capable of this. One night she went over the top over something insignificant. She was standing in the kitchen raging at me and stomping around in between sobs about how toxic this relationship was and that she had never been in a relationship like this before. I will say that I always remained calm and collected during these episodes as I new if I went off the deep end there was no telling where it could all end up. So I asked her why she had to get so emotionally crazy like this. She was in the kitchen and I was standing in front of the side door, inner door open and only the screen door closed. She continued to rage... walked up to me screaming in my face and grabbed me by the shirt with both hands and through me up against the wall and ran out the door screaming to the neighbours that it was over. I was just mortified and dumbfounded. I always felt she had this in her. She phoned the next day and apologized to me. I said to her that that was physical abuse. I did nothing to provoke it aside from standing between her and the door. People have told me that she was in panic mode and it was the fight and flight response. To me that was physical abuse. I truly think that if the relationship would have continued I would have probably seen more of that.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

This has spun way out of control. You also have to be very careful, because she could attack, injure herself in the process, then run to the police and claim you abused her and have you arrested.

 

btw, blocking someone's attempts to leave a house can be considered kidnapping and holding someone against their will (an offense where you can be arrested). So never do that again. It doesn't sound like your intent was to block her, but if she claims this to the police as justification for her behavior, you could both end up arrested.

 

if it has gotten to this point, it is time to leave this relationship. it will only get worse, and this is nothing about love, but about sickness and dysfunctional behavior/relationship. Get out before it escalates to something worse.

[gary1958]

No need for concern...I am out and have been for a while. Still processing things thou.

[kuiks8]

He has left the relationship...to the OP...you were abused...perhaps it would be best if you got counselling to deal with what happened to you within that relationship...

[gary1958]

Thanks I have had counselling... and really do understand the dynamics of it all. The hardest part thou I think is putting your life back together and learning to trust again. That takes alot of time. The thing I find hardest to accept is how someone could tell you they love you so much and treat you this way. Now that being said, I realize I stayed in it. I am learning all about that as we speak.

[Mythical_Suicide]

The learning to trust again thing is extremely difficult, I agree 100% but over time the trust slowly does start to come back. Sorry she put you through so much. People always think it is only the males who are physically and emotionally abusive and your posts just proves that guys can be just as much victims of these types of abusive relationships as the females can be. Glad you got out of there before it got any worse.

[alli]

 

btw, blocking someone's attempts to leave a house can be considered kidnapping and holding someone against their will (an offense where you can be arrested). So never do that again. It doesn't sound like your intent was to block her, but if she claims this to the police as justification for her behavior, you could both end up arrested.

 

I also wanted to point this out. Granted, it sounds like her behavior is the problem here. But if you were standing in the doorway in an effort to keep her from leaving, you can get arrested & jail time for it. I can't remember the exact term for it but it is definitely illegal. Never ever force someone to stay if they are trying to leave.

 

That's good you aren't with this girl anymore; she is bad news.

[gary1958]

Thanks for the responses. I am glad I am out. Just amazing the kick to your self esteem you can take. And usually you don't realize the impact of it till your out. It is my belief that she was using her illness as an excuse for her actions. No one should ever lay a hand on another person for any reason.

[gary1958]

Oh PS....2 marriages under her belt at 42 before me. And it was all the husbands fault!!

[yeawutever]

Yes that was physical abuse she did, who knows what else she could have done to you if you had stayed longer in that relationship. Good thing it's over so go NC on her and also a restraining order if you intents to hurt you again.