Mythical_Suicide Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 This coming from the same guy who wants to turn his license in so he won't have to drive friends around. He tries to avoid all responsibilities involved in life the "easy" way. If you don't want to have kids because they aren't for you then don't have them but don't avoid it just because you don't want responsibility (the same reason you supposedly are going to wait until you are 70 to marry.) Link to comment
gracerules2008 Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 How am I making life difficult for her? She knows where I stand on the kids issue. I made it abundantly clear early on when we met that I do not wants kids and never will. I have even gone so far to tell her that even if God Himself appeared to me and tried to talk me into having kids it still would not happen. So I haven't led her on at all. I have left no room open for interpretation as to what I meant when I told her I didn't want kids. She knew this about me all along and has had the freedom to accept it or move on. She and I both know that she still has the option of moving on. There are plenty of guys out there she can go out with who would have no problem taking the risk of having kids. I won't take that risk. Even a vasectomy is not sufficient. There are many cases of men still having the ability to impregnate a woman even after the vasectomy. I get accused of giving my SO an ultimatum when it's practically ok for a woman to give a guy an ultimatum to marry her or else. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Yeah I intend to avoid as much responsibility as legally possible. So what? I have every right to live my life that way. I'm not hurting anyone else. As long as the laws of the land are on my side. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Time has a way of changing a woman's mind about these kind of dreams and goals. As it does for men. I suggest you stop sabotaging things, and looking for issues when they don't currently exist. She may dump you in a week and then all of this is moot anyhow, right? Just go with the flow and don't create problems where they don't exist. Link to comment
gracerules2008 Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 As it does for men. I suggest you stop sabotaging things, and looking for issues when they don't currently exist. She may dump you in a week and then all of this is moot anyhow, right? Just go with the flow and don't create problems where they don't exist. The reasons for the dumping are more important than getting dumped. If I got dumped in a week for some other issue it would be easier for me to accept. I would hate to get dumped because we grew apart when it comes to the decision to have kids when everything else in the relationship was great. If I'm going to get dumped I don't want it to be for the kids issue alone. I want it to be for multiple reasons. If I got dumped because I gained too much weight over the holidays then I could probably accept it and move on quicker. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 You just like causing more complication in your life even though you seem to think it is making things easier for yourself. But hey, whatever floats your boat if you enjoy thriving over a drama filled life and worrying over the small things, go for it. Link to comment
gracerules2008 Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 You just like causing more complication in your life even though you seem to think it is making things easier for yourself. But hey, whatever floats your boat if you enjoy thriving over a drama filled life and worrying over the small things, go for it. I believe in desiring for the best but expecting the worst. That way when the worst case scenario happens I won't be too disappointed. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 why don't you just get a vasectomy, remove the possibility you might have children, and then let the women you are dating upfront know that you can't have children?? then it is their choice to make if they want to stay with you or not. Link to comment
amipushy Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 How am I making life difficult for her? Becuase she loves you man and you withhold lovemaking because your scared that she might get pregnant. I get accused of giving my SO an ultimatum when it's practically ok for a woman to give a guy an ultimatum to marry her or else. That wasnt what I meant but surely you can see that everyday she is with you she loves you more and doesn't want to leave you and it MUST be on her mind that one day this is going to end and it will be her fault for wanting something that is natural. Thats pretty hard to live with, I'm sure. And its not ok for a woman to give a guy an ultimatum about anything but I can understand that when it drags on and is going nowhere someone has to make a decision. Link to comment
lady00 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 why don't you just get a vasectomy, remove the possibility you might have children, and then let the women you are dating upfront know that you can't have children?? then it is their choice to make if they want to stay with you or not. I was wondering the same. Why not just get sterilized and then find a woman who also does not want children. I don't understand what is so complicated about this. Link to comment
SoMuchLove Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Yes. Not everyone wants kids. You date to find this stuff out. If he meets someone who does not want kids the she can move on if she's looking for that kinda guy. I strongly disagree about vasectomy. Not wanting to have kids doesn't have to equal not being able to just to suit other people. Link to comment
gracerules2008 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 I was wondering the same. Why not just get sterilized and then find a woman who also does not want children. I don't understand what is so complicated about this. Vasectomy is a waste of time and money when it's not really 100% effective. Abstinence is the only option. I wish there were other options but I don't have much of a choice. Besides I don't see how getting my vasectomy is going to keep a woman from changing her mind in a few years. If she ever wants kids in the future she will find someone else to have kids with whether I have a vasectomy or not. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Vasectomy is a waste of time and money when it's not really 100% effective. Abstinence is the only option. I wish there were other options but I don't have much of a choice. The vasectomy doesn't fail as often as you think. If done properly it has a very small failure rate. Besides I don't see how getting my vasectomy is going to keep a woman from changing her mind in a few years. If she ever wants kids in the future she will find someone else to have kids with whether I have a vasectomy or not. Because it will make her realize you are serious about it and there is not turning back. So if she does decide she wants kids she can choose to leave you rather than trying to fight and argue with you about having kids later on. Link to comment
gracerules2008 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 Yes. Not everyone wants kids. You date to find this stuff out. If he meets someone who does not want kids the she can move on if she's looking for that kinda guy. I strongly disagree about vasectomy. Not wanting to have kids doesn't have to equal not being able to just to suit other people. Absolutely. It's my body. I should have the right to do whatever I want with it without the approval of others. Link to comment
gracerules2008 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 The vasectomy doesn't fail as often as you think. If done properly it has a very small failure rate. Because it will make her realize you are serious about it and there is not turning back. So if she does decide she wants kids she can choose to leave you rather than trying to fight and argue with you about having kids later on. She can still try to argue with me about the prospect of adopting kids though. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 She can still try to argue with me about the prospect of adopting kids though. What do you even come on here for? You come here seeking some sort of advice or whatever it is yet you argue with every point or suggestion someone makes. Is there really any point other than because you have nothing better to do? Link to comment
gracerules2008 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 What do you even come on here for? You come here seeking some sort of advice or whatever it is yet you argue with every point or suggestion someone makes. Is there really any point other than because you have nothing better to do? Last time I checked it was ok to disagree with certain advice. Link to comment
lady00 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Well if someone you happen to date changes her mind later then she can leave and you can find someone else who does not want children. I'm failing to see the problem. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Last time I checked it was ok to disagree with certain advice. You disagree with everything that is said/given to you. Link to comment
gracerules2008 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 Well if someone you happen to date changes her mind later then she can leave and you can find someone else who does not want children. I'm failing to see the problem. The problem is that the relationship would have been a waste of time if she's had a change of heart later on. It would have been a waste of time for me to get emotionally attached to her. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 The problem is that the relationship would have been a waste of time if she's had a change of heart later on. It would have been a waste of time for me to get emotionally attached to her. Ok, so i'm telling you now, don't even bother getting into a relationship because you will never be 100% sure the girl won't eventually change her mind and 10 years down the road she is definitely going to want children no matter what she says now. There, are you happy? I told you what you wanted to hear. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 BTW you're not getting married until you're 70 so why even bother worrying about it? I mean you have 50 years to even think about dating someone. Link to comment
lady00 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Well, then don't be in a relationship. People change their minds about relationships for all sorts of reasons all the time and they break up. Sometimes people pass away while in relationships. Point is, relationships end for all kinds of reasons. Incompatibility/changing values about things like kids is one set of reasons and it's impossible to predict that. Best you can do is find someone who is like-minded now and enjoy the relationship instead of indulging in this fear of what the future might bring. I suspect most people don't consider this a waste of time. Interesting that you do. Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I suspect most people don't consider this a waste of time. Interesting that you do. Read his previous posts.. you will understand. Link to comment
amipushy Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I reckon you won't have vasectomy because are too scared that you might change your mind. Link to comment
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