Does anyone experience this?

[Shiva 2007]

Hello everone,

 

I haven't started a thread in ages..... not because I didn't have questions or anything I wanted to address but simply because a lot of things were happening in my life in a short span of time.

In this past year I got married and experienced one of my greatest loss.... the loss of our baby.

I have been trying hard to deal with the loss and be a good supportive wife nonetheless.

My question is how does anyone deal with marrying into a big family that is accustomed to doing everything together? I want to be accommodating yet because of my grief I recognize I am not up to being the greatest host every day.... I tried discussing this with my husband but he feels that since its family I should not be affected by having the family drop by whenever they want. He calls me somewhat a recluse and I am beginning to believe him.

Also he takes my objections to mean that I do not like his family (totally untrue) but I can't seem to find the right words to express my feelings of invasion of privacy that I wish I could have more with him.

What to do to make husband happy and still take care of me?

Any advise would help.

[Shiva 2007]

Thank you Victoria66 and Hug to you too. I agree about being a question of boundaries I have tried to say that I needed my own space or simply being alone with him but he doesn't quite understand that, he takes it as an offense I don't quite get why it's like I married an entire family and not just my husband ](*,) this past week this has lead into several arguments that in turn shut me down so instead I go and hide in another room while everyone is enjoying being together as a family.

I don't want to build resentment and I would love to get him to understand my position without getting defensive.

[Shiva 2007]

Maybe set down the limits for discussion. No raising voices, no being defensive, no discussing past issues etc that you can both agree to. I very much understand you. I am a pretty private person I do not want people all over me all the time. Lucky for me my inlaws basically do not care that I exist, and they just want to see their son, and they are polite to me because they kind of have to. If he will not discuss it with you, is his mother or sisters understanding?

 

Great advise thank you! I am afraid the mother and family is out of the question meaning they were never taught to respect each other's boundaries and privacy. They were taught to always stick together and travel as a pact. Don't get me wrong I love big families and I love when they all want to spend time together yet like you I am somewhat of a private person. I need time to sort my own feelings without the pressure of having to be the best I can be at all times.

Somewhat frustrating!!!

One evening his mother came over close to midnight even after I asked my husband to let her know that it wasn't a good idea that she should come over the next day since I was in bed. That didn't go down very well with her and with me of course.