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random questions in a relationships


stephla
Should I Stay Or Leave My Relations...
Should I Stay Or Leave My Relationship

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here's couple of things i'd like to know.

 

is there a difference when a guy says i love you,and i think i love you? what does it mean when he says he thinks? should this be a concern? and what if he says from now on i'll love you? he hasn't love you till then?!

 

second,there is a age difference between a guy and a girl. the guy is older,more experienced,has been with many girls. but he is her first. she feels somehow less worthy,and wishes she's been with someone else too,it's really bothering her. what it is,and why, how could she overcome it?

 

last,you love each other and he wants to live together. but you love your freedom more,and don't wanna hurt him,and you're scared of losing him,so you say you'll think about it. how to tell him,not causing the damage to the relationship, you don't wanna live together?

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The difference between saying "I love you" and saying "I think I love you" is really up to the person who says it. They might have told someone else that they love you and the other person might have responded with a bunch of questions such as "Would you go to the end of the earth fpor this person? would you give up your whole life for her? How long have you been together? you haven't been together long enough for love." The next day they might have thought about it a little and become conflicted..... with that said, he might have never been in love before and not know what it feels like and the thoughts that he should have with being in love. you asked such a broad question you are going to get twenty different answers with every one of them probably being right.......

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First question - I would focus more on the actions then the words - if the actions are loving and giving in your opinion then that's far more of an answer than what he means by his words although of course you can ask him.

 

Second - you have to balance the benefits of comparison shopping - being with other guys - against the risks of losing him if he is not comfortable with you dating other people.

 

Third - you tell him that at this time you are not ready to live together if that is what is true. Timing is important in a relationship and it depends if he trusts you that you are not ready in general vs. not ready because of him personally (and if the latter, you have to be able to explain whether it's that you don't know him well enough yet, etc). If someone said they loved their freedom more I wouldn't really be able to relate - I feel freer being in a relationship than not in a relationship so I would want to know -- freedom to do what?

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you asked such a broad question you are going to get twenty different answers with every one of them probably being right.......

 

yeah i know,sorry. it's too long and complicated to write about specifics,i wanted to keep it short,and not to waste posts on each one of them. some are out of curiosity,or related to my friends,not all are about me and my bf. i hope that's ok, i'm thankful for any answers.

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If someone said they loved their freedom more I wouldn't really be able to relate - I feel freer being in a relationship than not in a relationship so I would want to know -- freedom to do what?

 

freedom to be by yourself when you have the need to,to do your own things without having your bf around you all the time. i've been living by myself for very long time and i like it a lot. as the relationship progresses,i feel it like a pressure,even the thought of living with him freaks me out. i'm scared i'll turned out as selfish by saying this to him.

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In my limited experience, I have found that guys may say 'I THINK I love you' as opposed to 'I love you', if they are fearful of committment. Putting the 'I think' in there negates the responsibility of them having to say 'I love you' on a regular basis, and is slightly less intense and severe than outright saying 'I love you', so the need for committment and a constant follow-up of their declaration of love isn't expected as much.

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My guy had never been in love before, even though he was middle aged. He'd been in like, but not love. So he was freaking out with all these feelings about me and didn't know what to do. So he would avoid saying those words but say things that sort of obscurely hinted at it and look at me really intensely in hope that I would understand. Unfortunately that look reminded me of being scolded as a child - ROTFL - so I missed the point!!

 

As to the second question of feeling unworthy, sounds more like a self esteem issue. Like experience matters more than feelings? Yeah, there's a lot of guys out there, and I myself really would like to have had the chance to date more, but I think in my case it's worry because I am "settling"..... bird in the hand and all that. I thought about whether or not any of the guys I'd be attracted to would even want me, and decided it's better to stay with the one who does. (probably not great, but that's the way it is)

 

The last one, I'm dealing with right now. He wants to move in and declare a future together and I'm not really thinking that's something I'm ready for, especially just a couple months after a breakup ended. I've asked to have a talk but my thoughts are in a turmoil and I'm not sleeping so well. I think all you (or whoever) can do is think through it honestly and try to focus on the situation and not all the "what ifs" that might come after.

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freedom to be by yourself when you have the need to,to do your own things without having your bf around you all the time. i've been living by myself for very long time and i like it a lot. as the relationship progresses,i feel it like a pressure,even the thought of living with him freaks me out. i'm scared i'll turned out as selfish by saying this to him.

 

That has little to do with living together - it sounds like your bf is around you all the time in a way where you need space - or you can tell that he would be that way from how he behaves now. It doesn't have to be that way even if you live under the same roof - you discuss when you need time on your own, so does he, and you reach a compromise. I don't think that's a selfish request - it's part of being an individual person. Obviously don't move in together if you're not ready, but "freedom" from having him around all the time doesn't need to be an obstacle if you're willing to have honest and open communication about this with him.

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I'm not a big fan of the L word because I don't like to lie about it. I don't think I've ever said I 'think' I love you to anyone but I guess early off in the relationship if one is not completely sure of their feelings, it is more honest to say that than than to say I love you and not really know for certain. Some people say infatuation is not real love, but I say it is. It is the same emotion that you experience in love. I consider the difference is that infatuation is 'unstable' love, where as over time it become more stable. So perhaps a person who thinks they love you may be very infatuated but not yet achieved a stable emotion of love. My opinion.

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