missing you.

[zenbabyk]

I'm lost for words. This is a pain I never have had to deal with before. I have lost someone before, but never like this.

 

I stopped checking my e-mails, well that's a lie... but I stopped checking my e-mails and looking for one from him. That's a lie again. Let's just say I have it set in my mind that there won't be one from him in my pathetic inbox.

 

I know he is busy, I know he hasn't been home since the 23rd, and his pre-paid phone does not make long distance calls. I know he tries his very hardest, but what I also know is that if I were in his shoes, our communication would be completely different, because I would make the time, I would find internet, I would find any phone just to call.

 

I know he loves me, and this is why it's so hard to let go. We both don't want to let go, we have a little piece of eachother with us, we are holding on to some sort of fantasy that we could make happen, it's just.... we both would have to give up a lot.

 

I would give up everything. I would pick up and leave. I really would.

I know I am just 6 months shy of being 22, I'm stupid, nieve, and so unpredictable... I'm also jealous, hormonal, loud, but outgoing... and I'm secure with who I am. All I know is what I feel, and what I feel is love.

 

I KNOW what love is, I KNOW what I thought love could have been, and I KNOW what love isn't.

 

I dated someone who was also my bestfriend for three years, I watched him change right in front of my eyes, and I know in my heart that I did not accept him for who he was, and who he became to be. I now know that I loved him, but I was not inlove with him.

 

I know that I am inlove right now. I have accepted every flaw, every mistake, and every little thing that I would not normally tolerate or stand for. I love him for every good and bad thing, because that's what makes him the person he is, and I love every little inch of him inside and out.

 

I have never ever felt this way before, and I know I will never feel this way about anyone again.

 

I miss him.