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My Parents Won't Let Me Have Any Driving Independence


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Hi, I've had issues asserting my independence with my parents for a while now, and I just can't take it anymore. A big issue that I've come into big conflict with them is driving. I'm 19 years old, a sophomore in college and have had my license for two years now. They just won't let me drive on my own, it's ridiculous. The few times when they did, they made me drive them about 5 times to the destination to be sure I knew how to get there. I've tried straight reasoning with them, that I'm a good driver, I've never gotten into an accident and there really is no reason for them not to let me drive. I understand that my parents don't want me to get hurt. My mom works at a hospital, so she sees a lot of teenagers with driving-related accidents and deaths, sees them more than other people. I have lots of experience too, when I was practicing to get my license I drove all the time. I understand that I don't have that much recent experience because I've been away at college, but I've tried telling them that it's not making me a better driver to not let me drive and it seems like they don't care. I've tried telling them, flat out, I'm driving myself days before an event and, with them not saying anything, then right before I have to go they're like no, you can't, you can either drive with us there or we'll take you. I don't know how to deal with this anymore, it really upsets me, that they just won't let me drive on my own and have just a little independence!

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No, I don't and being a full time student with part-time jobs I really don't have that kind of money, I have a hard enough time trying to pay student loans.

I don't think I'd really want my own car though. I go to school in an urban area where I don't really need one. My parents have a third car that they don't really use, so I would be able to use that one easily, if they only let me.

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First of all, let me say that your parents' behavior does seem a bit irrational. But i think you hit the nail on the head. I think they are just worried about your driving, as a result of your mom seeing so many teenagers involved in accidents and what not. It doesn't seem to be the case that they don't trust you and are worried you are going to be out drinking and driving or something.


And you bring up a good point. You are not going to get better at, or become an experienced driver, without actually driving.


I think the best way for you to get them to start letting you drive is to create a value for them in letting you drive. I think you should sit down with them (literally sit down with them) and first of all discuss their concerns with you driving. Then I think you should bring up some things you can do for them to create value. Run some errands for them in the car, or clean the house or do something that is tangible that you can say ok if I do this, then I get the car on this night.


I think that you will get over the hump of them being worried about you driving this way and eventually they will let you have the car whenever you need it, because you have a history of being responsible with it and a history of not getting hurt.

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My parents had experience in the medical field too, and they made me wait until i was 18 to get my license, instead of 16. I am grateful for that now just because I feel like I'm a lot more responsible with my car than I would have been at 16.


19 seems excessive though. I dunno, I'd confront them in a way that pinpoints all of your adult traits. You are adult enough to be in college, you are adult enough to...whatever you think of. And you should be adult enough to not have them drive you around.


You can also find out exactly WHEN they'd like to let you drive, and what you have to do to prove yourself mature/responsible enough for it.

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