chipchuck02 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I don't know how i feel anymore about her i still love her, but i hate her at the same time for what she has put me through. If you know my story what should i do i want to avoid her but i don't want to create indifference by not giving back her things. I got this msg on facebook K, this is me trying to be civil here: 1) Do not give my phone numbers out. Even if it is to a therapist. 2) I'm not sure what you're trying to gain from the letters, but I thought this issue was closed. 3) We need to deal with the splitting of stuff. If you want certain things back, I can make sure they get to you. But I want the things back that you mentioned before that were at your place. I think the major thing you have is Kit's Wilderness, and I would like that back. You don't need to deal with me in person or on the phone, just give the stuff to wafa and he can be the middleman or something. Take your time though. I don't know where you're at, but I've moved on. Hopefully the new year is going well so far for you. Link to comment
HopeArises Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Oh buddy, you are NOT the victim because she left you. She didn't put you through anything other than taking care of her own needs. Sorry man, but if you hold a grudge and blame her, you stand 0% chance with her. Own up to what you did that drove her away and take responsibility. That's all I have to say. The rest is just sugar coating. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I would suggest you keep it strictly businesslike. I would not go through the middleman...contact her directly, just tell her you have the stuff, tell her what stuff you want...tell her that you don't have a problem exchanging it with her directly or with the other person whichever she chooses...tell her exactly what days and times you are available for the switch and leave it at that. Do not apologize for anything, do not talk about anything at all except for this business transaction. Link to comment
HopeArises Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Furthermore, getting people to contact her (like your therapist) is NOT respecting HER and she put YOU through things? The blame game will get you any sympathy from me. If you give her space (the minimum you could do) and own up to your responsibilities, than maybe you stand a fighting chance with this girl giving you ANY respect at all. Look at my situation and how I handled it post breakup and compare it to how you handled it. Look where I am with my ex (going skating with her tomorrow) and look where you are. I have NOT blamed her ONCE since she left me. I have never acted like the victim. I am a man who owns up to his responsibilities and I do that through my ACTIONS. Live and learn bro. Live and learn. If she wants her stuff back, give them back to her. Express regret and apologize for being weak and being a jerk and leave her alone for a while. Link to comment
chipchuck02 Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 I don't have anything to apologize for she left because i was too needy after i had a traumatic experience and by needy asking to hang out another night a week also we were getting too serious, ie i had bought a engagement ring, and my attempts to be sweet to bring her back have been misinterpreted as being desprate so, also she may have cheated on me because i was recently taken out of town a bit and bonded with a guy accross the street, all things done to hurt me i loved her and wanted only the mutual support that any relationship has i was not smothering her during the relationship i gave her her space when she asked for it. She just decided it was over one day with no change in behaviour or anything the past 2 years of our relationship. Maybe it is for the best she left but i don't know. sorry for sounding like i don't know, i feel head over heals for this girl tryed my best to make her happy and i guess it was not enough. Link to comment
chipchuck02 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Progress, she wants to be friends now and is treating the break up as a thing which is kind weird should i ask where she thinks i am at? since each contact where i say that i agree with the break up she thinks i want to get back tongether. Here is her last msg I'm more than willing to be friends that isn't the problem. I'm just done discussing the breakup since I feel that that issue is closed, at least on my end. Link to comment
Jester1586 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 If you think you can handle being friends with her, go for it. Thing is, you need to be able to deal with her saying she's dating another guy. If that bothers you, you aren't ready for a friendship with her. Also, if you do decide to be friends, don't bring up the relationship unless she does first, and don't dwell on it if she does bring it up. Only go as far as she does, otherwise she'll be turned off to talking to you. You want her to feel comfortable talking to you. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I ditto Jester's post. Link to comment
chipchuck02 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 cool, though i will try to build up a connection again, but if she does have a bf saying that i can't be 2nd place is that too manipulative? I am cool if she does, well act cool anyway. should i ask where she thinks i am at, since the therapist calling, and her misinterpretations of the letter? Link to comment
chipchuck02 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Where do you think i am at? i thought we were done discussing in November? anyone think this is a good responce Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I think you should probably leave it alone. She is with someone else now so just walk away and don't be available to be her friend. Let her get through the honeymoon period with the new guy and once that bloom is off the rose and she realizes he is not the greatest thing since sliced bread, maybe she will start to think more fondly about the good times with you...but she won't be able to miss you and think fondly of those times when you are still staying in the background of her life. You need to walk away completely and move on with your life. Link to comment
chipchuck02 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 i will respect your wishes and thank you for giving me 2 years of happiness and i hope life only gets better for both of us from here on. final msg then go back into NC/ Limited contact Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 i will respect your wishes and thank you for giving me 2 years of happiness and i hope life only gets better for both of us from here on. final msg then go back into NC/ Limited contact Quite frankly I would not send anything to her...I would just stop contacting her and disappear from her life..end of story. Link to comment
SighSob Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 no the message is required. she has to think that you are doing NC cause you want to move on. if you went NC without warning she'd think you're doing it just to make her miss you. Link to comment
chipchuck02 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 I am trying to forget about her but she keeps doing things that urk me and get me thinking, i am not going to respond to her at all over this but can someone interpret new behavior... I was sitting down at a table on campus during my break, some of her friends sat down beside me, now here comes my ex with a friend of hers, this friend sits down beside me, but my ex she almost runs away when she saw me to a nearby table not even stopping to say hi, there was another friend at this table but the second she saw me she bolted, i acted like it did not affect me laughed smiled at her before she bolted. she kept looking over at this table looking at me not sure the face was not sadness was not happiness. but as you know on the inside i died a bit i did not expect her to be there i thought she would be in class... i am trying to forget about her but its hard when she is around, Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Sounds like she is just very uncomfortable with the situation. Link to comment
chipchuck02 Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 using this to rant to a point now, but some progress is being made at least to be civil, she is hanging out with my best friend on Friday for beer, just kinda weird after all the negative contact with each other this week. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 using this to rant to a point now, but some progress is being made at least to be civil, she is hanging out with my best friend on Friday for beer, just kinda weird after all the negative contact with each other this week. Is she actually friends with your best friend? Link to comment
chipchuck02 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 well she is dated long enough for each of us to be friends with the others friends it seems since most of hers are very nice to me. they are friends but never hung out without me there kinda deal, but they have talked since the break up, he was trying to understand why she left in those first convos, not much contact lately from what i know. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I don't think that is right of either of them to do. Link to comment
chipchuck02 Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 who knows what will come of it, but he is a good guy....so i had my facebook status as my dad was rushed to the emergency room which is true he was. and she was one of the few people who commented that she hoped he was alright, i'm prob looking too much into this but there is still some caring if she would do that though not a txt or a phone call... so passive. Link to comment
chipchuck02 Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 Progress i saw her today for 15 min we talked and kept saying she wanted to be friends, caught up abit asking each other what we did over the holidays, made her laugh once. She asked me how the date search was going and if i had a gf, i said ok and no... she was waiting to meet my friend, i got compliments on my new glasses, and an apology for the * * * * * y msg, but she did not bring up the stuff and was pleasent, she said she was going to call me last night but did not think i would have been apropitate... she finished off by saying msg me sometime.... how should i proceed? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 It sounds like she just wants to have a cordial relationship with you and nothing more. Honestly, for your own healing process I would not message her because then you will be hoping for a response and hoping she will change her mind and want to get back together. I think you need some time away from her to get over her. Link to comment
chipchuck02 Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 well now she may be annoyed again after that good interaction with me, her meeting with my best friend turned not so good he brought up me and she seemed reluctant and not wanting to talk about it.... * * * * step back again and it was not my fault. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I think you need to stop concerning yourself whether she is upset or not. She is no longer your problem...don't let her moods dictate how you feel. Link to comment
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