simply complicated Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I posted a thread the other day about my girl not being able to come out on new years, I was less than understanding and it didn't turn out so well, but today she seemed ok, we were back to "normal" whatever that means, but a poster from my last thread brought up an interesting point, by getting upset that she couldn't come out, (that not being the first time) I was showing neediness, and that could easily drive her away. I think alot of people do this, even those who persue a relationship with caution (so they don't make the same mistakes as they did from their last relationship) It's almost subconscious, I don't know how else to explain it, but for me, now that I think of it, it was the reason my first serious relationship never worked out, I was way to needy, always wanted her to call me, always wanted her to be with me, she eventually lost interest and looked else where. I guess my question is, can anyone relate? if it's happened to you, did you overcome it? and if so, how?...cause I could use some advice in this department. Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 IMO the top 2 things that a man can do to make the woman lose interest in him are: 1) Being needy and clingy 2) Putting her on a pedestal as opposed to seeing her as an equal Link to comment
laisla Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I guess my question is, can anyone relate? if it's happened to you, did you overcome it? and if so, how?...cause I could use some advice in this department. i had a needy ex....suffice to say it was definitely one of the main reasons i left him. i didn't even understand him. just try to gain some independence..it is okay to miss your girlfriend but give them space to breathe. even if someone loves you very much, they will need some space. sacrifice the little things for the bigger picture. Link to comment
kindasad Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 IMO the top 2 things that a man can do to make the woman lose interest in him are: 1) Being needy and clingy 2) Putting her on a pedestal as opposed to seeing her as an equal why? don't most women like a lot of attention? Link to comment
laisla Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 attention is different from neediness and clingyness... Link to comment
kindasad Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 attention is different from neediness and clingyness... True, how exactly do you guys define the difference? Link to comment
simply complicated Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 True, how exactly do you guys define the difference? Good question. I would say, the difference is, being there when she really wants you to be there is giving her attention, and being there when she doesn't want you to be there is just being needy. As in, if shes tired from work, school etc, or want's to see her friends, but you come along, if this happens too much, I guess that would be concidered clingy, or constant nagging. I guess, The messed up thing is i'm a pretty defensive person, thats probably what got her into me in the first place, but once things started getting a lil more serious, I wanted more. I like what la'isla said.."sacrifice the little things for the bigger picture." that makes sense, it's easy to get caught up in wanting more, but sometimes I need a lil reminder to take it easy, n go with the flow. Link to comment
laisla Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 being attentive is caring for your partner, being involved in the relationship, keeping it a healthy one, while still having your own lives outside each other's. being needy is when there is an imbalance where one partner constantly seeks way more than the other partner is comfortable with. well i suppose both people can be needy, but the needyness probably wouldn't seem like a problem to the both of them. Link to comment
stingray Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 God I really hate the fact you can't be yourself and have to conform to society...I am not needy in the way you describe actually I am little bit of the opposite but I am very attached. Link to comment
laisla Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 God I really hate the fact you can't be yourself and have to conform to society... why can't you be yourself? ? Link to comment
stingray Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 In the sense you have to play these games and try to change yourself to be attractive to someone else. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I think there is a difference between neediness and being vulnerable and honest... how long have you been dating? Link to comment
laisla Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 how is it a game? it's not risking the loss of your personality, you can still be yourself. the only thing i'm trying to say is that needyness isn't good - it can drive someone away and on top of that it isn't healthy to be constantly worried or upset...wouldn't you rather be independent and healthy and have a good relationship? i know i do. if you want to be like that then alright that's your choice. Link to comment
stingray Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I think there is a difference between neediness and being vulnerable and honest... how is it a game? it's not risking the loss of your personality, you can still be yourself. the only thing i'm trying to say is that needyness isn't good - it can drive someone away and on top of that it isn't healthy to be constantly worried or upset...wouldn't you rather be independent and healthy and have a good relationship? i know i do. if you want to be like that then alright that's your choice. No no! I guess I didn't quite see your definition the first time I read the post. My apologies no difference on opinion with you on that at all... I guess its more frustration with most girls not liking to be pampered. Good thing the girl I am talking to now has verbally made it clear she likes it. Link to comment
laisla Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 No no! I guess I didn't quite see your definition the first time I read the post. My apologies no difference on opinion with you on that at all... I guess its more frustration with most girls not liking to be pampered. Good thing the girl I am talking to now has verbally made it clear she likes it. haha good luck on that (no sarcasm) Link to comment
stingray Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 haha good luck on that (no sarcasm) I am going to need it! (not being sarcastic either) Link to comment
Casperlady Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I can be needy which is more than likely why i havent had relationship before this latest guy i am with i really think and hope could go far so i am really tryin to keep it very friendly and not too overpowering but from my current post i think i may have messed up Link to comment
COtuner Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 IMO the top 2 things that a man can do to make the woman lose interest in him are: 1) Being needy and clingy 2) Putting her on a pedestal as opposed to seeing her as an equal And #3, being controlling or possessive (for me, #1 on the list) Link to comment
grymoire Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 No no! I guess I didn't quite see your definition the first time I read the post. My apologies no difference on opinion with you on that at all... I guess its more frustration with most girls not liking to be pampered. Good thing the girl I am talking to now has verbally made it clear she likes it. you can pamper your girl without being needy or clingy Link to comment
real_life_101 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your so on New years eve, unless she had a very good reason. Everyone is needy at somepoint. God I look at my parents married for 60 years and my sister maried 25 years. They spend tons of time together. If you want independence stay single, if your in a relationship there is give and take. If your unhappy and voiced it and she runs away maybe she is not the one for you. Link to comment
simply complicated Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 I think there is a difference between neediness and being vulnerable and honest... how long have you been dating? A couple of months, I think vulnerability and honesty come off as being needy, which isn't the case, but alot of people don't see it that way. Link to comment
calidreamin0 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 to me this is needy: he sends a text, i cant get to it to respond or i just forget. text #2- "are you mad"... a couple minutes later... text #3 "what did i do, why are you treating me like this?"... text #4 "whatever". SERIOUSLY, i can't stand that crap, definetly needy guys is a BIG turn off. Link to comment
simply complicated Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 to me this is needy: he sends a text, i cant get to it to respond or i just forget. text #2- "are you mad"... a couple minutes later... text #3 "what did i do, why are you treating me like this?"... text #4 "whatever". SERIOUSLY, i can't stand that crap, definetly needy guys is a BIG turn off. Thats not needy thats obsessive, I could never be like that. I would hate myself if I ever acted like that. Link to comment
rbr85 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Neediness/Dependency = Expecting somebody else to make you happy. Doing things for them in hope they'll do something in return for you. Emneshing yourself in your partner, and not maintaining a sense of individuality. Owning your partner's emotions, and then trying to change how they feel. Not taking responsibility for your own feelings. Interdependecce = Standing as two individuals who share about each others lives. Giving because you live a life of abundance. Spending time with each other, just because it makes you feel good to be with them but you'd feel good even if you were alone. Owning your own emotions, and not blaming your partner for your bad moods. Link to comment
gracerules2008 Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I'm the more needy partner. My girlfriend is the more independent one. Although I try to hide my neediness. Link to comment
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