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Fresh break up, how to help?


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Hi there. I've written 2 previous posts about my situation.


Recap: I have been with my (now) ex for 1 year, in fact our anniversary is next week. We knew each other a few years before when we worked together and he had a major crush on me the entire time. I'm in my later twenties and he is a few years younger than me. This is the first time I have ever ended something with someone I am in love with.


We ended up trading emails a year or so after I left the company and started dating shortly thereafter. It was amazing at first, it was love. Things starting breaking down around the 7th month. We broke up because he was having a quarter life crisis sort of thing. We got back together after he cleared that up. We talked about moving in together, he wanted me to have his children, we were planning out our future in a way. He just graduated and moved back home, 3 states away.


After he graduated, he spent 2 days partying and I didn't hear from him. I thought he dumped me, turns out that was not his intention, I overreacted. We ended up not talking for a week and spoke shortly after Christmas and he spilled his heart telling me how much he missed me and that he thinks moving back home was a mistake. That he can't live with the fact that he might be letting me get away.


I told him that I hated the person that I was when we were together and did not think we should get back together, even though he wanted to. I have SO many issues with men and felt that I needed to get them situated. He understood but we decided to take it one day at a time.


He kept calling me and texting me and I did it too. It felt like we were back together again and I fell back into the old thinking habits with him.


We had a long talk last night and I told him that I could not take it day by day and asked him what his intentions are. He said he wants me, but it us living apart just does not work. I agreed. He said that this is very difficult, I said it too. I cried the whole time and said that I think we are making a big mistake. That everything could be wonderful if we just took a chance. He said realistically, that can't happen. He is right.


We both love each other but the distance is too much. It does not work for us.


So how do I handle this. I am very upset. I really think that I can't get over this. I hate the person that I am and so scared about starting fresh. I mean I lived for him, even though I hate to admit that. I hate that.


I'm very scared about this whole thing. I live in a small town and work for myself at home so I am alone a lot. I'm scared to move to a new city in a new job.


I'm just scared of all of this. I don't really know what to do. When does it get better? How do I become the woman I want to be without relying on another man? I hate this pathetic feeling I have. I know I am better than it, but I have no idea how to put it motion.


I wish I could handle this like a normal person, but I'm so scared. Any comments will help.

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Hey Kristin -

Love - it can be so fantastic at times, and then it can also be so very painful.


It's normal to feel scared - you don't want to face these things alone. I know that feeling, and you need to realize that these feelings have been brought to the surface because of this breakup, but there is more to it than just the breakup. I say this from experience.


I have found that if I don't have that network of friends, that support group of people I talk about anything with - go to hockey games with - play cards with - do anything for that matter, these relationships I go through make it that much harder on me. It feels like life has come to an end - that you'll never find someone else - that you will never be happy.


A while ago, I started keeping a journal, for my own benefit. Basically a place to vent, open my heart up and say anything and everything that was on my mind. Over time, I have looked back at what I wrote - and can see how I have gone through this (I'm currently going through a breakup as well) before. I read my thoughts and feelings at the time, about the girl before, and the girl before her - and how I felt the same way then as I do now. But someone else has come along - or there is even times when there is nobody at all and yet I'm honestly happy, content with me and where things are.


It does get better - that's all I can really promise. I'm hurting too - sometimes just knowing you're not alone and others are feeling the exact same way will do wonders.

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