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Is It Unreasonable to Break Up Over this?


lila...

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Last semester I dropped one of my courses because I didn't do so well on my midterm- I passed but barely passing wasn't good enough for me so I decided to drop it. Before dropping it I made sure there weren't any repurcussions to doing so and I made sure it wasn't a prerequisite for any of the courses I'm supposed to be taking this semester. I checked and it was safe to do so-the only negative being that I'd have to take it during the summer which is ok by me.

 

Fast-forward to today and I try to enroll in two of my core courses for this semester but it doesn't allow me because apparently the course I dropped IS a prerequisite for the courses I'm trying to enroll in. What the?! Of course when I found this out I was devastated. I'm trying all I can to fix this problem- I've tried contacting the academic adviser and head of the department but nobody's picking up because they don't work today. The only thing left to do is wait, in the meantime I'm extremely upset.

 

My boyfriend has been really supportive telling me everything is going to turn out fine, he's even helping me by trying to contact someone he knows at school who could help me out. But I'm still extremely upset and I'm so angry at myself for allowing this to happen. I feel so stupid. I'm already expecting the worst- thinking that I won't be allowed to enroll in these courses and then I'd really fall behind. I'd have to take them in the summer IF they're offered, or else next year and then I would REALLY fall behind. This would completely kill my chances of studying abroad in Spain next year, which I've already applied for I think there's a 50/50 chance I'll be allowed to enroll, but what if I'm not? I'm going to sink into a deep hole and not talk to anyone. I'd break up with my boyfriend because I feel I don't deserve to be with him...I'd feel so stupid. I couldn't be with him, he's doing so well academically and is so much more accomplished than I am, while I'd be stuck in this situation. I know he'd be sad too and probably wouldn't understand my decision, but I really couldn't be with anyone right now because of how terrible I feel with myself.

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It is unreasonable to break up over that. Don't push away people trying to help you because you don't feel deserving.

 

I've have felt the compulsion to break up over self shame. However, know that the place where that compulsion comes from is a place of insecurity and fear. That is a place that you do not want to take advice from.

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you made a mistake...he doesn't seem to be judging you on it, try to be a little kinder to yourself and lean on him right now...it sounds like he is taking rational steps to help you fix the problem...sounds like a great support.

You deserve to have that support...

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It is unreasonable to break up over that. Don't push away people trying to help you because you don't feel deserving.

 

I've have felt the compulsion to break up over self shame. However, know that the place where that compulsion comes from is a place of insecurity and fear. That is a place that you do not want to take advice from.

 

I agree, doesn't make much sense to me

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I think it would be a mistake. You would compound one mistake by making another and hurting yourself and your boyfriend for no god reason. Why should he suffer because you made an error that can be rectified in time?

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wow babalu, that would be way messed up of you to break up with him over that!! Im sorry but if a girl broke up with me for those reasons i would consider her to be the most selfish woman on earth. your taking only your situation and only your feelings into account and not his!?

 

sorta similar in some ways but the girl im with, when she gets stressed she cuts off from everyone and grovels about it. This made me think she wasnt interested so i backed off of her. when i finally cut it off she realized what a good thing she may have lost and practically begged to come back. Dont put yourself in that same situation. you cant punish your man for doing so good in school just because your having issues. That makes no sense to me! let him be there for you. If you end things with him and you finally pull things together, your gonna hate yourself for calling it off after he has already moved on! dont do that stupid crap!

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Bubalu, this isn't about your relationship!

 

Please don't before you allow yourself to sink into this hole, and imagine the worse case scenarios. Chances are it will turn out FINE. It doesn't make sense to sabotage other areas of your life, just because you have hit a bump in the road in one.

 

I usually find that knowledge/information can calm my anxieties. Have you talked with or written to all of the relevant authorities at your school, those who will be making the decision as to whether or not you can enroll? A lot of "rules" are bended for officious and persistent students, so keep in touch with the university staff, and let them know how much you want to take those classes, etc ... You can also meet with them to discuss how to make up the requirement without delaying the completion of your degree.

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But this is so not like me, I've always done so well in school, my average has always been very high and now that this might possibly happen, I feel so dumb and angry at myself. I know it's just self-pity, but how can I possibly be happy with someone when I'm so ashamed of myself?

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But this is so not like me, I've always done so well in school, my average has always been very high and now that this might possibly happen, I feel so dumb and angry at myself. I know it's just self-pity, but how can I possibly be happy with someone when I'm so ashamed of myself?

 

How can you be happy with yourself when you realized you ruined a great relationship over something like this?

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Bubalu, this isn't about your relationship!

 

Please don't before you allow yourself to sink into this hole, and imagine the worse case scenarios. Chances are it will turn out FINE. It doesn't make sense to sabotage other areas of your life, just because you have hit a bump in the road in one.

 

I usually find that knowledge/information can calm my anxieties. Have you talked with or written to all of the relevant authorities at your school, those who will be making the decision as to whether or not you can enroll? A lot of "rules" are bended for officious and persistent students, so keep in touch with the university staff, and let them know how much you want to take those classes, etc ... You can also meet with them to discuss how to make up the requirement without delaying the completion of your degree.

 

Yeah I've written to the head of the department explaining my situation, I hope he gets back with me soon. I start school next week so I don't have much time and I'm getting really anxious.

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But this is so not like me, I've always done so well in school, my average has always been very high and now that this might possibly happen, I feel so dumb and angry at myself. I know it's just self-pity, but how can I possibly be happy with someone when I'm so ashamed of myself?

 

Everyone makes mistakes every once in a while. You have a great track record and GPA - congrats! That's fantastic, and that's really the bigger picture.

 

Why are you so ashamed of yourself? This mistake isn't who you are, it's just a mistake. And a very minor one, and one that will likely be fixed. You might not be able to be happy today, and I understand your anxiety, but isn't the relationship with your boyfriend something you want in the long run? Accept your boyfriend's support, and that you are still a great, worthy person, regardless of what happened.

 

It sounds like your self-esteem might not be the best, if one incident can affect your entire outlook on yourself, and can cause self-sabotage. I'm not judging, because I have practically zero self-esteem as well right now, but it's definitely something you want to fix. When bad things happen, you need to have that inner esteem and confidence to know that you are still a fabulous person, that you deserve the good things you have worked for, and that one incident is just a bump in the road.

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Yeah I've written to the head of the department explaining my situation, I hope he gets back with me soon. I start school next week so I don't have much time and I'm getting really anxious.

 

Can you call? This isn't a time to be shy. I think you have to put your embarrassment aside and bite the bullet and be really proactive. Again, at my school, there are a bunch of rules, and they are bended every day for proactive students who get in touch with the dean, the professor... Can one of your parents help you figure out who you should call? Do you have an academic adviser who can help you?

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But this is so not like me, I've always done so well in school, my average has always been very high and now that this might possibly happen, I feel so dumb and angry at myself. I know it's just self-pity, but how can I possibly be happy with someone when I'm so ashamed of myself?

 

you dont need to be happy to love someone. breaking up isn't going to make you happy so it's a false choice

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You made a mistake with your course..that has absolutely nothing to do with your relationship. One problem that couples sometimes face is when their work life impinges on their relationship. Work/School should be a completely separate issue. Use this situation as a training ground for future work life. If a person gets fired from a job should that mean they should end their marriage? Of course not..the two are not related. You are angry at yourself because you made a mistake that could set you back in school...if it does the only thing you can do is accept it, forgive yourself and make the best of the situation...don't fall apart, beat yourself up and push people away. Just get on with your life.

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How can you be happy with yourself when you realized you ruined a great relationship over something like this?

 

you dont need to be happy to love someone. breaking up isn't going to make you happy so it's a false choice

 

It won't make me happy, but I can live with it, I'll just add it to the reasons for feeling sorry for myself, I know it's sad, but that's just the way I am. At least until I fix my situation I'd rather be alone.

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Can you call? This isn't a time to be shy. I think you have to put your embarrassment aside and bite the bullet and be really proactive. Again, at my school, there are a bunch of rules, and they are bended every day for proactive students who get in touch with the dean, the professor... Can one of your parents help you figure out who you should call? Do you have an academic adviser who can help you?

 

I've called them first, but they don't answer, I'm guessing because they're still on holiday. That's why I've written. My boyfriend says more than likely nobody will be in till Monday, but that's just a couple of days before starting school and I need to fix this before that. I'm still going to try to keep calling today and tomorrow.

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It won't make me happy, but I can live with it, I'll just add it to the reasons for feeling sorry for myself, I know it's sad, but that's just the way I am. At least until I fix my situation I'd rather be alone.

 

sounds like its your overall outlook of yourself and life that you need to fix, not your school situation. You surprise me babalu. When you lose it all and hit rock bottom, your gonna come back on here telling us of the mistake you made!

 

You need to go to your man for support and comfort, sometimes things like this a person cant get through alone! dont be a sucker!

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Your position makes no sense. When I was an undergrad, I was informed (wrongly) on a number of occasions about the options I had to graduate on time. Furthermore, it was revealed that the school system was in fact -designed- to block me from getting the classes I needed. Absurd.

 

I didn't break up with my GF and I didn't wallow in self-pity. Your position kind of pisses me off, to be honest. My solution was to approach the necessary professors, explain my situation, and ask to be let into their classes. Each and every one of them agreed.

 

Not for a second did I consider taking my own misfortune out on someone else. I think you really need to look at yourself (and discuss with your BF) this impulse. Is he deficient in other respects? I'm having a lot of difficulty comprehending the 'I'm having in trouble in school, I want to dump my successful BF' mentality.

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. At least until I fix my situation I'd rather be alone.

 

And then take back up with your bf when everything is fixed? He won't be there then and I wouldn't blame him.

 

Ask for some alone time, mope and gripe about it, but don't break up with him for something that's not even a problem with the relationship.

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Yeah you guys are right, I'm just very impulsive like that...and to be honest it's the second time I've considered breaking up with him because of something that's gone wrong in my life. I'm trying to work on that. I won't allow it to happen anymore, he's done nothing wrong so why should I make him suffer...

I really shouldn't wallow in self-pity, I'm trying to change that. It's just that this situation is so upsetting.

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