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I know what I need to do...I just need support!


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This is a long story. I met this guy about 10 years ago through friends and I've always had a crush on him but something told me to stay away from him. Lucky for me he always had long term girlfriends so I dated other people as well but always still had a lingering crush on him. We did end up becoming good friends and started doing things together. Then he and his ex fiance (they were together for 5 years) had a huge fight and they broke up. We remained friends through his breakup, I was also going through a pretty bad break up, and then after about a year we started dating.


While we were together people would tell me stories about him and about how abusive he was to his ex fiance. I even heard it from her mouth. I confronted him with this but he blamed all of their problems on her. He said she was extremely bi polar and even a lot of his friends told me this girl is nuts and I shouldn't believe what she says. After a while I just chalked up their problems to their personalities not mixing together very well.


Fast forward 4 years later we're still together (up until the other night). It's been a very rocky 4 years. I wish I would have listened to my instinct years ago. I mean there are times when he's just a blast to be around. Lots of fun and so sweet. But more times than not he is just plain nasty, insulting, etc. He makes fun of my job (I'm a teacher), claims I have no motivation to better myself, tells me I'm fat (but insists he's just teasing.) We even went to see a couples therapist for a few months...it didn't work out but he did claim that he stopped the teasing after the therapy. There have been a few physically abusive episodes as well, usually the result of too much Jack Daniel's. The most recent one has scared me enough that I thought of getting a restraining order against him. We went to a NYE party and again he got loaded up on the Jack Daniel's. We got back to my apartment and started bickering about something. I don't remember what it was. He started throwing things around in my apartment and knocking my furniture over and was calling me the most horrific names ever. I don't remember what I did or said to trigger this but I feel as though I am somewhat at fault. I told him to leave or I would call the cops. He left and tried to make me feel guilty about having to sleep in his truck. He ended up driving home and I had no idea if he was even alive or dead until today. Luckily he made it home alive but says he has no recollection of anything that happened that night and that he is sorry. I forgave him but do not want to get back with him. I am tired of living like this.


I also have this ex b/f in the picture. I have been talking to him on occasion just to remind myself what it is like to be around a man who is gentle, caring, and respectful. I have not done anything physical with him but am interested in dating him again and I know that he is interested in me. I am just afraid that I will not be able to let this other guy go. I know he will come back. He always does. And I take him back because I love him. I don't want to take him back this time because things have gone too far. Please I need encouragement and support to leave this guy for good!

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Welcome to eNotAlone.


I am sorry you got involved with this abuser.


Every time you think about taking him back read your post above and think about what a bad idea it would be.


Print it out and keep it on your fridge or somewhere you can see it on a daily basis.


If he won't stop contacting you - get a restraining order.

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Thanks for the responses so far. It is going to be very hard to cease contact with him. I think what makes it the hardest to break away from him is knowing that in his way he does love me. I know his behavior stems from his own insecurity and the fact that he truly believes it his him that is getting wronged. Sometimes he acts like he has no flaws and that he is perfect but I caught him in a moment of vulnerability once. I asked him what he thought his own flaws were and he actually admitted that he sees himself as crappy boyfriend material and finds it odd that girls stay with him for so long. He also agrees that he is not the easiest person to get along with but claims he acts like an * * * * * * * on purpose to weed out the bad people. I know that he loves me and he was even going to propose to me this Christmas. Before I found out that he got me a ring I told him I didn't want to marry him and he cancelled the ring. I guess it's a good thing that happened because it seems I really dodged a bullet! He still thinks we have a future together and that we will buy a house and have kids. It breaks my heart because I honestly don't think he realizes how troubled he is and I do love him. But it is true I absolutely cannot see myself marrying him, living with him, or having kids with him. I need to be strong and move on.

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