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He just called out of the blue to catch up -- and -- it was nice.

 

We talked about Christmas, New Years, our familes -- and then had a long talk about us -- how even though we both still care for each other something was missing for him. He really opened up to me for the first time since the break up and I was able to see things from his point of view. I guess with the pain I was feeling, it was all about me, how I was done wrong -- and I didn't want to admit to myself that sometimes two people are just not meant to be together. I could tell he was being honest and was really concerned about how I am coping.

 

We even talked about his new relationship -- it was hard to hear, but he sounds like he is happy and a little part of me was glad he was.

 

I know now that he does still care, not in the was I wanted him to, but he truly does.

 

I am by no means over him, but I think I may be ready to take the first step in trying to let go of some of my feelings anger and hurt -- it wll take time, but I think we just may get our friendship back.

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I am by no means over him, but I think I may be ready to take the first step in trying to let go of some of my feelings anger and hurt -- it wll take time, but I think we just may get our friendship back.

 

I'm happy to hear that you have had a little more closure. Will a friendship with him delay your healing? Personally, I have never been able to be friends with my exes. I don't want to hear about who their dating, sometimes they are they for you and sometimes they're not, which leads to disappointment.

 

Maybe your conversation is a good way to end the chapter and start a new one?

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Good luck to you. But be cautious of how much your friendship will be healthy for you since it's very hard to maintain a friendship when those emotional ties still exist.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am the same. I have not been able to be friends with exes until after a year of no contact or very limited contact. Until those emotions no longer exist, it is very hard to heal.

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The thing is we were friends before we started dating, we share a lot of history -- he was my rock. And talking to him today, I felt an odd calm come over me -- even though he is in a new relationship I could feel some of the old friendship there and it felt right.

 

And yes, trying to remain friends may slow my healing process because I am still in love with him, but I think losing his friendship completely would be even worse for me. And, I know it will never be quite the same again -- it's not like we will talk every day like we used to, but just keeping in touch, knowing he truly wants to keep in touch and is concerned for my welfare, made me remember the old friend I love so dearly.

 

It will take time and I know I may regret it, but right now, I feel I have to try.

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Hurting -

 

How long ago was your break up? And how long were you in NC until this conversation took place?

 

Just curious.

 

My break up was a little over a month ago. And unfortunately I wasn't able to remain NC at all. I posted earlier that I did everything wrong for the frst 2 weeks -- called, texted, mailed -- I admit it, I was completely pathetic.

 

But in the last week, although incredibly hard, I decided that if I wanted to remain friends with him, that that was what I was going to be -- a friend. So I changed the tone of my emails and texts from telling him how much I missed him, to just normal day things that I had been doing, etc.

 

I realized that I needed to be what I wanted most, the friend we used to be able to talk to. We are lucky, we have that foundation -- and even though I have a long way to go, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off me -- I know he still truly cares about me as a friend.

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Will a friendship with him delay your healing? Personally, I have never been able to be friends with my exes. I don't want to hear about who their dating, sometimes they are they for you and sometimes they're not, which leads to disappointment. quote]

 

I will Delay.. in most cases a friendship with the ex will delay your healing and it is always hard for the person how didn't initiate the breakup. But if you are healing and if this conversation was what you needed a clousure then that is great. But don't talk to him more, don't make it habit that you have to keep in touch with him becasuse you may think it is heloping you move one but it is not, you are feeling better because deep down you may still have this hope that you two might getting back together and most time it will not happen like this.

 

Just becareful and slowly realize that you are a much better person without him in your life and cut the contact with him if you can it will help you heal A LOT faster.

 

Happy new years. best of luck

 

Massari

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I hope my ex and I can get to that point eventually. We were best friends before we started dating and were together for 7 years. Been NC 33 days now, and I feel it getting better and better each day, but I definitely still miss her. I've lost my love and my best friend, and it really is like mourning a death.

 

Not sure when we'll ever talk again, but the NC is helping the healing right now.

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Massari -- I agree with what you said, I know this will delay my healing. But my heart is telling me it's the right thing to do. And I won't be initiating contact with him every day like I used to, but at least now I know that if I need to talk, he is there.

 

Travelling99 -- And you echoed my thoughts exactly when you said it was like mourning a death, it truly is. But for some reason I could never go NC with him. I tried but he was too much a part of my life as well as my heart -- and for me it seemed best to stay in touch and try to reach out as a friend. But everyone's situation is different and I'm happy that NC is helping you heal. You have to do what is best for you. And you never know what the future holds -- I have been thinking a lot about the saying "lovers come and go in your life, but friendship is foverever" -- maybe one day you and your ex will be able to rebuild that friendship.

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Your break up was just a little over a month ago, and he's in a new relationship already? wow.

 

Yes, a few weeks after we broke up, he met an old college friend and he said the reconnected like they had never been apart. He told me today that he is taking it slow and seeing where it leads -- she honestly sounds really nice --and believe it or not, he actually said he tought I would like her -- she's a lot like me.

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Well good for you if you can handle it.

 

I went through a breakup a couple of months ago, and if my ex jumped into another relationship shortly after the breakup, i would feel disrespected. regardless of a rebound or not, i would assume that if our relationship had more value, he'd wait it out before jumping into another relationship.

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Well good for you if you can handle it.

 

I went through a breakup a couple of months ago, and if my ex jumped into another relationship shortly after the breakup, i would feel disrespected. regardless of a rebound or not, i would assume that if our relationship had more value, he'd wait it out before jumping into another relationship.

 

It's not really a matter of handling it but rather accepting it.

 

Of course I feel bad that he is able to enter a new relationship so quickly, but as I posted earlier, after we talked today and it was clear that something was missing for him in our relationship, so he was a lot more ready to move forward than I was. I know now that he does care for me as a friend and I would feel more disrespected if he threw that away too.

 

He is a good man, and he is doing what we all want to do -- living his life and trying to be happy.

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Starting Over In a Relationship - B...
Starting Over In a Relationship - Beginners Guide

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