Comparing everything to the ex...

[franfran]

Not sure whether to post this in here or the Healing section, but since it's about sex and body parts I guess I'll stick with this area.

 

I kind of feel like a horrible person right now, last night I had sex with a guy who I've been in the same circle of best friends with for 4 years, not to mention he is a mutual friend and co-worker of my ex-boyfriend of 2 years, who just dumped me 2 1/2 months ago. I really like him, we've always liked each other on another unspoken level other than friendship, but I'm pretty sure he is in love with me!!! And I'm realizing this is NOT the time in my life to be in any sort of relationship.

 

I'll tell you why. If this is really shallow, please tell me because I need to know if I'm being ridiculous.

 

Obviously I know I don't want a relationship because I haven't been single in almost 5 years and need to be on my own, etc, but I think I would have a problem being with this guy because I am not sexually attracted to him enough! I am having a horrid time getting over my sex life with the ex and can't help but compare everything to him! He had the most gorgeous face, perfectly sculpted legs, nice feet (I never thought it could be possible for a guy (or anyone) to have nice feet, but my ex is proof of it), nice hands, his ass was hard as a rock, his stomach was flat and I have to go there and mention that his penis is massive! And the sex we had together was at times, very rough, which is how I like it and he gave it to me how I wanted it every time. (Sounds like I'm still in love with this guy, but let me assure you, I am NOT! I just want to F a carbon-copy of him!)

 

I am completely plagued by this. The guy I had sex with last night is nothing like my ex... polar opposites in height, hair color, eye color, weight and of course, penis size.

 

Is it normal to have a hard time replacing sexual images of your ex that are literally ingrained in your brain, with someone else? I can't seem to do it. Maybe I should just watch a load of porn.

[blue69]

lol.. it is very normal to compare and still desire physical attributes of a past lover.

 

I think part of our sexual responses are learned. So it would make sense that you "learned" to respond to certain physical attributes or even style of sexual activity.

 

And as those were learned once, they will adjust, and you will "learn" new things. Have fun learning.

 

(And don't be afraid to tell your new lovers what you like. They may simply be hesitant just because of the newness)

[makingchange]

UGH tell me about it! My ex was PERFECT, such a beautiful face and EVERYTHING was exactly as i wanted it to be!

 

I doubt i'll ever have such a good looking man again, and annoyingly ive never cared about looks much before but now anyone else would feel like settling - he left me for a girl who is much better looking than me which is a massive kick in the face.