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The hardest part of the break up for me was losing a friend...


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But I think we're beginning to slowly rebuild the bridge to friendship. Me and my ex were friends for a year and a half before we got together, had an amazing relationship for eight months, and had a relatively clean break up.

 

We were both hurt (well, at least I know I was) afterwards and for a little bit he wanted to shut me completely out of his life.

 

Then yesterday we talked via facebook. I was having some friends over and (just like pre-relationship days) I invited him as well. It was kind of short notice, and I wasn't sure if he even would want to come (we still hadn't mended things after he said he didn't want to talk to me anymore) so I told him if he didn't come it wouldn't hurt me, I would understand that he still needs time. He had convernes on how my parents would react to him being there, and told me he might come.

 

To make a long story short, he didn't come. We all still had a lot of fun (many storys to tell when school gets back in!) and it didn't really bother me that he wasn't there (good sign...?) Afterwards, though I messaged him and asked him if he needed more time for things to become semi-normal again.

 

I got a message back this morning saying thathis dad called and wanted to hang out, so they spent some quality time together at the bolwing alley and watching football. He talked a little about the importance of family that he has recently realised and told me that he had convinced himself to go and in "all truths wanted to come."

 

I think this is a good sign that he is ready for us to start mending our friendship. I wasn't sure at first, but I think he was being genuine in his message (it was rather long for him lol) and I'm really glad =] It was killing me for a while, not just that we were over (it turned into kind of an unhealthy relationship) but I lost a really good friend.

 

Anybody have thoughts, warning, been in this situation before? I never have been here before, all of my previous relationships were short lived and no where near as serious as this one so when they ended it wasl ike nothing ever started...

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Indeed the hardest part of most relationships ending is the losing a friend - in some cases feeling as though you've lost a part of yourself. Your bigger identity...

 

If you can separate friendship from that then you do stand a chance. Some people do break up from relationships and go on to have good friendships.

 

One of my own best friends and I dated many many years ago. We were very young - it didn't last long and things got nasty towards the end. However, we grew up, got back in touch and we now have a very close friendship.

 

It's not easy - and sometimes the past does come up in conversation. If you can talk about it without emotion; you know you're doing the right thing. And vice versa.

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I feel for you -- I am going through something similar rght now and the only advise I can give you is to not pressure him -- take it slow.

 

He has always been my best friend and when we broke up, I was devastated -- ironically, he was the person I would turn to to help. And since then I have done everything wrong in trying to keep him in my life and all it did was drive him further away. I could not manage NC, so instead for the last few days I have been still keeping in touch via email and text, but kept things light -- just a recount of the things I had been doing and didn't dwell on how sad I was.

 

He called today and we had a great talk. I stil have a long way to go to get over my feelings for him, but I think we are going to manage to salvage our friendship.

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