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I know this is a little long but I feel it deserves an explanation because I am not sure how to treat the situation.


I recently met a girl with whom I had been talking with for several months before I moved cities (to near where she lives). I had slowly fallen for her because we were both completely honest and built up a great deal of trust, which was never broken. She fell hard for me as well emotionally, but there was something missing. She found me gorgeous but just wasn't attracted to me when we met for whatever reason.


She was, again, honest and upfront and played no games. It hurt bad and I ended up crying more than she did (and still am to some extent.) When we met we did click on all levels, except that one for her, and she tried for two days to feel something but just couldn't. I however felt it very strongly on all levels and I ended up cutting my premove trip to visit her short because of the pain. But the parting was understandable and neither of us felt anything but disappointment. No one felt blamed or hurt outside of the loss of what we had dreamed could be.


Since there was no physical relationship the fact that she still unconditionally loved me, and went above and beyond when I was hurting, has boosted my spirits higher than they have been in many, many years. But the fact that we wanted a relationship, and it just didn't work hurts deeply.


She said that she wants to be friends because we do that that rare and extremely deep emotional connection and I want her to be a part of my life too but at the moment the feelings of disappointment (I have not one regret) are extremely strong and very painful.


My question is do I treat this as a breakup since it hurt so bad? I want to be friends with her because I cannot imagine my life without her in it, but it is painful for me, and her, because we both wanted more out of it and it just didn't happen. I want that connection to continue uninterrupted because it is a very, very deep one, and she bring me great comfort, but at the same time it hurts me because I keep thinking of what might have been, and could it work out if I do A, B, or C differently if/when we meet again. It feels sort of like a breakup, but there is no blame or animosity on either side.


I apologize for the length, part of my healing is in my getting it out there, and appreciate those who took the time to read this.


Any advice would be also be greatly appreciated and incorporated into my jumbled thoughts

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There are two ways this can go...if you continue to be friends with her perhaps the attraction will grow since the emotional connection is there. That is a risk you take..it could go either way. Just because attraction isn't there from the get go doesn't mean it can't build as you spend more time together. Is it really a break up..well..not in the traditional sense because you two weren't a couple officially. However, it is a big disappointment and you need to decide whether you want to take the chance and continue to be her friend and do things together in the hopes that the attraction will build based on the emotional connection you have.

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If you're really looking for more and she isn't you'll have to come clean and let her know that while you really enjoy her company and the connection you have, you need to make yourself available for someone you can have all of that plus the physical with. She should understand. Sometimes it's just too hard to be friends with someone you like that way.

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We talked about the fact that I felt strongly and she did too but something was missing. Even though we both wanted to date, since the feeling isn't there for her I want her to find someone with who it all comes together.


She is a wonderful person and I would love nothing less for her to suddenly feel something for me on the romantic level but I am not counting on it.


At the moment I want to call her and talk all day but I also want to not call because my emotions are high and I know she is hurting too and part of why I want to call is to be comforted by her voice but that isn't fair to her.


It is the worst/best non-breakup I have had. We are both being mature, and rational, and caring, and that has made me grow, but it also makes it hurt that much more because she is that amazing and thinks that I am too and there is just one little thing missing from the equation.

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I'm confused, she found you gorgeous but wasn't physically attracted to you upon meeting in person? I would say it's a bit shallow on her on the physical attraction. Initial physical attraction = lust not love. Even if there isn't any physical attraction it usually comes over time as the emotional attraction grows. They go hand in hand.


I agree. Also, wouldn't she have already seen a picture of you to know what you look like if you have been in contact that long? Something is not adding up with her.

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