Ok..just needing you guys to keep me sane..and stable in this...

[Fitchik]

Quick back story...my 8.5 year relationship ended the week before Thanksgiving. His doing. His reason was that for the last 2 years of our relationship, we seemed to be at a "stand still", not moving forward..blah blah. Whatever.

 

So we broke up. I had...yes I said HAD, been in LC with him...and I mean VERY little contact with him. Only had spoken twice..one of those being Christmas day.

 

Anyways... he contacts me on last Tuesday wanting to know if I'd like to play a round of golf, since we had an unseasonably warm day. I said yes. Now here's were it gets "crazy". We play on military bases, so we have to get into his car to get on base, so I was waiting for him at our normal switch over spot. He pulls in, all smiles, waving to me like a little boy! I'm playing the cool cucumber. Clubs and shoes into his car... he grabs me... HUGS ME TIGHT!!! I was little shocked. So we play golf..everything is fine, no discussion of "us"...then he suggests we grab some dinner and drink. I okay that...and we do. Now in the middle of dinner he starts telling me how affected he is by seeing me, and that he didn't expect to have all of these feelings emerge...and then says... "I could pick up with you right were we left off"! Ok..my heart is swelling, but my head is staying level. I say to him "No..that picking up were we left off would mean still being at a "stand still"..and I want more than that from any relationship". We continue through dinner, all is well... he keeps touching me... little things,... we leave and in the parking lot I hug him good-bye, thank him for a fun afternoon, and tell him it was really great to see him. He lays a HUGE kiss on me! HUGE!!! I still walk away.

 

New Years Eve...nothing. Not that I had any expectations..but you all know how that is.. NY's Day... he calls... just to chat. We end up yesterday meeting for a "quick bite". And I mean quick.. We live about 1 hr from each other so we meet in the middle...and spent maybe 2 hrs together. Again... HUGE kiss....but I still leave. There was some flirting and "sex" talk between, but nothing happened. (Side-bar: He did tell me that he is worried that if we were to have sex, that all of the feelings would come rushing back and we wouldn't solve anything...just dive back in. Side-bar #2... we have amazing sex. I know that is TMI..but it's one way that he and I are VERY connected). He calls me later...just to "make sure I got home okay, since I had a couple of glasses of wine".

 

Now here we are today! And I just don't want to get myself crazy. I want to stay level. I want to not 'eff this up in any way shape or form. I am crazy in love with this man and I want us back together....but please please please.... my online enotalone friends... talk me down and keep me sane!! ](*,)](*,)](*,)

[SapphireNoir10]

Just stay calm, cool and levelheaded. Whatever you do don't get your hopes up. Chances are hes confused/missing you. Isnt sure this is what he wants but isnt sure you are what he wants. So you thinking it'll go back to how it was could end up hurting you.

 

You two need to talk about your issues and work on them not just sporadically meet up when he feels like it.

 

Just stay strong.

[prinzbsr]

Sounds like your ex wants to get back together, and now!

 

I haven't been around this forum very long, but from what I see others saying is you need to decide first if you are willing to get back into things.

 

Sit down with him and have a serious talk about why he thought you were at a stand still. Once you've figured that out if you think you might want to give it another try then start new with him. Make him wait a little for sex...start a new relationship with him.

 

From what I've seen in the forum, you need that clean break and a new start if you take him back.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

>>he is worried that if we were to have sex, that all of the feelings would come rushing back and we wouldn't solve anything

 

This is what you need to talk to him more about. This could just be that he's having a sexual dry spell now and wanted some FWB sex, or he could be wanting to get back together, but worried about whether it is a good idea.

 

The only way around this is to talk to him about what he is looking for right now. Why he is wanting to see you again. Then you can decide whether what he is offering is something you are interested in. If he's just offering FWB and nothing else, i wouldn't do it or your heart may get broken.

[savignon]

What kind of "standstill" were you in?? Do you agree or is that his assessment? If you guys are great together and both want to get back together....why not try and work it out?? Sit down and talk about what was causing the standstill and how you can move forward from there. You don't have to go back to a standstill...just the fact that you've had so much chemistry these last 2 times you've seen each other is clearly re-energizing things and moving some thoughts/feelings around. I say it's worth figuring out if you're that great together!! Why not make the next move and start talking about things??

Best wishes!!

[Fitchik]

Sounds like your ex wants to get back together, and now!

 

I haven't been around this forum very long, but from what I see others saying is you need to decide first if you are willing to get back into things.

 

Sit down with him and have a serious talk about why he thought you were at a stand still. Once you've figured that out if you think you might want to give it another try then start new with him. Make him wait a little for sex...start a new relationship with him.

 

From what I've seen in the forum, you need that clean break and a new start if you take him back.

 

Agreed...and for us... 2 months apart is a pretty clean break. I agree...I think with the right timing..we have to sit down and talk about what is going on. Thanks!

[Fitchik]

>>he is worried that if we were to have sex, that all of the feelings would come rushing back and we wouldn't solve anything

 

This is what you need to talk to him more about. This could just be that he's having a sexual dry spell now and wanted some FWB sex, or he could be wanting to get back together, but worried about whether it is a good idea.

 

The only way around this is to talk to him about what he is looking for right now. Why he is wanting to see you again. Then you can decide whether what he is offering is something you are interested in. If he's just offering FWB and nothing else, i wouldn't do it or your heart may get broken.

 

Great advice and insight. I have made it VERY clear to him that there will be NO FWB!! PERIOD NO WAVERING! I believe his real concern is that emotionaly we won't heal if we jump back into sex with each other. And I do understand that.... Again..great advice, and I'll keep this in the back of my head!

[Fitchik]

What kind of "standstill" were you in?? Do you agree or is that his assessment? If you guys are great together and both want to get back together....why not try and work it out?? Sit down and talk about what was causing the standstill and how you can move forward from there. You don't have to go back to a standstill...just the fact that you've had so much chemistry these last 2 times you've seen each other is clearly re-energizing things and moving some thoughts/feelings around. I say it's worth figuring out if you're that great together!! Why not make the next move and start talking about things??

Best wishes!!

 

 

We were definitely at a stand still. We've dated, lived together, been engaged...broken up once before...gotten back together..and that was the 2 years that was stalled. Mostly, and he will admit to this, because he put up walls..and I struggled to forgive some things. No cheating, just other things that now in hind-sight seem so stupid.

 

I just find it difficult to believe that after all of this...all of these years...everything we've been through..that if we're still 'HERE' and I mean still talking, and still wanting each other that there isn't something more meant for us.

 

I will take my time this weekend and really think about things. And maybe let him "pursue" me. I don't want to push or in any way seem needy to him. If I remember correctly...9 years ago he fell hard for an indepentent, self-assured woman..... I want to be that woman again. If not for him...for ME!