Idea of marriage becoming less appealing as age increases?

[big greg]

Everyone always tells me that I'm too young to worry about it or that I'm just being negative, but ever since I was a late teen, I have wanted to fall in love and get married young while there is still passion in my life.

 

It was just like I hit a brick wall recently, though. In february, I'll be turning 25. Having gone through my late teens and 20's so far being quite lonely with zero dates or girlfriends or any kind of interest from the opposite sex, I think the problem just magnifies itself. I'm not really upset about being alone all this time, though, it's just that I'm at the point in my life where my career is going to take off and will take all of my time/focus/energy from now on. I won't have the same kind of free time to go out and party and try to meet women like I did when I was 18, and there won't be as many places (like school) to meet women.

 

My brick wall I just hit is causing me to not really look forward to marriage as much as I did when I was younger. It used to be all I thought about, and I could just get giddy just by thinking about the possibility of falling in love and being married. Today, I am thinking about what it would be like to have a wife.. but it just isn't the same, it almost seems like it will be nothing but a burden.. and it's kind of depressing. It's becoming less appealing, and I think the older I get while still being single that the less appealing marriage will be and how the romantic side of my personality will just fade away. It's kind of like I'm losing hope, and I hope I don't ever just give up.

 

Do you think my lack of enthusiasm toward the possibility of marriage is just a by-product of being single for so long and not having hardly any experience with the opposite sex? I was a very romantic guy for soooo long, but that passion seems to be leaking out of me gradually day by day and I am nowhere near the romeo that I used to be and I just don't really care if I am or not anymore. My point of view is why still try to be romantic, when all it's done so far is do nothing but lead me nowhere and just get my hopes up... I don't want to end up as one of "those" husbands who are just cavemen with no emotions, but I think that if I don't meet a partner while I'm in my 20's and at least have a little bit of spirit/hope left, that I'll turn into that.

[catfeeder]

You're a late bloomer, and you won't need parties to attract women. Success and confidence will do that for you--just watch.

 

Meanwhile, you've been adjusting your fantasies so they won't make you miserable, and that's a good thing. When you can find happiness solo, that's a rare and valuable commodity--some people never know happiness no matter how many relationships or marriages they have under their belt. Adding someone else to the life you're creating on your own will be icing on your cake, but you've already got the goods. Bake slowly, and enjOy.

 

In your corner.

[Blue Streak]

Yeah sure probably that marriage will become less appealing. Is that what you want to hear? Of course not. It only becomes less appealing if you allow it to, which you are doing on your own.

 

Your lack of marriage enthusiasm is simply a result of lack of self understanding. You have so much going for you, you are living it, yet you do not know how to express it to others. That is what is killing you and as a result, allowing you to think in the negative fashion you are.

 

Do you have any idea how many get married in their late 30's and live extremely happy lives? I am 32, have not been with a women since college. You will never hear about a fart like me. The reality for myself is I want a grounded woman who knows where they are headed. It will happen for me simply because I believe and know. Does that make sense to you?

 

You know what is most important to you. There really is no good answer to your question. Only you can best define where you belong long term. Only you can determine whether marriage is right for you. You define yourself and your future, just like I do.

 

Listening to others typically serves as a reminder to you that you do not know what you truly want. It is always going to come down to what is most important to you, in your life.

 

What do you want in your life Greg? Forget others and what they say. They speak based on their perceptions and realities, not yours. Only you can define yourself, always. Time for you to think for yourself.

 

You need to learn to listen to yourself. Listen to your heart. You will be OK. You are not going to die amigo!!! You have so many peeps on this forum to be here with you. It's time for you to put some research in, move on and go after what you what is most important to you.

[cyberdog]

I was raised in a good home 10yr+ with parents that actually kept the marriage together. They argue a lot but still love each other and work out all their problems usually before bed. So when I was younger I was enthusiastic about marriage. Since then I've known friends who have gone though bitter divorces. Sometimes it is nobodies fault, but somebody still gets the loosing end of the divorce.

 

One of my high maintenance lady friends got married to a man, and in order to please her financial 'needs' he worked overtime a lot. Even though she ended up cheating on him a couple times and it came out in the courts, she somehow made it look like it was his fault for neglecting her physically and came out ahead in the divorce (probably had a better lawyer) She has taken the least paying job, telling me when the alimony ends she will have a better chance of a continuance, something her lawyer told her. She refuses to try to find a good job, even though she is definitely capable of one. It has me looking at her in a totally different way seeing how much of a spiteful witch she can be.

 

But seeing this type of stuff happen to close friends turns me off to the idea of marriage. If I don't get married, then I can't get divorced. Now if marriage was like it was supposed to be, 'till death do us part', and divorce was VERY VERY VERY x1000 difficult or even completely illegal, then maybe, as it would actually force people to try to work out the issue, instead of one person trying and the other not or both not and it leading to ruin. Then I might be much more enthusiastic about it.

 

Anyway if you really want to get married someday I wouldn't worry about it. Some people focus on their life and career early on and start dating and get married later in life when they have a better foundation. Also I think people who marry later on are more likely to stay married than people who marry too young.

[savignon]

Marriage was only appealing to me when I met someone I wanted to marry. Before that it was just a word or an idea and while I imagined that I would like to be married one day, I didn't have a clear picture of what it would be like until I had a partner to talk about it/imagine/dream with.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

>>I have wanted to fall in love and get married young while there is still passion in my life.

 

this is a myth that passion is only for the young. Some of the most incredible red hot love affairs and love storeis are for people in their 40s and beyond. and many men marry very late and have children in their 60s or even 70s. when my mother was in a nursing home getting treatment, the aides used to gossip about the little old men and ladies getting caught in each other's beds! so there is no end date for passion other than death.

 

you are assuming that your draining passion has something to do with age, when there may be other problems. you first need to get a doctors check to make sure you aren't suffering from depression or a hormonal imbalance.

 

you next need to tackle why you aren't meeting women and dating. you need to get out there and date a lot of different women, and don't waste time on ones that aren't really interested or who turn out to not be worth your while. look at it like pursuing any other thing you want or need, in that you have to really work at it to meet people and find someone compatible.

 

plenty of people have high power careers and still manage to meet people. you just have to make it a priority to put yourself out there and find someone.

[Truth317]

I think we're at the stage now where the lightbulb is beginning to blink for some of us in our mid 20s. Whereas for others, they still aren't getting the picture. So I wouldn't worry too much about getting involved/serious. That is, unless you really find someone who's good for you.

[COtuner]

I think you're simply bored of the fantasy part of the whole thing. Doesn't mean you won't want to get married.

 

I myself am losing interest in getting married, but that's mostly because my BF is not acting as if he would be a good husband and our new president's proclivity to raise taxes scaring me into having to give up more of my money for programs I don't support.

[wnds]

no,i dont think so , i feel more alone as the age increasing.

[abitbroken]

the problem is that you may have thought so much about getting married, that, even if you didn't realize it, might have scared ladies off. I know that I was a late bloomer too and instead of going out with a number of guys on casual dates (by casual I don't mean casual sex, just "low pressure" fun dates like going to the movies, coffee, or some activity with them) to get to know them and to see what I like/don't like in someone of the opposite sex. Instead I sort of weeded out guys before I even got to the point of him even noticing me, and so I ended up with not many dates. And when I did go out, I had already weeded out in my mind all these other guys and thought that the guy i was with was "the one" so was more nervous around him, and he probably sensed it and I screwed things all up.

 

Anyways, you WILL want to get married when you meet the right person and the relationship progresses to a certain point, but don't marry someone in your mind on the first date.

[bulletproof]

Do you think my lack of enthusiasm toward the possibility of marriage is just a by-product of being single for so long and not having hardly any experience with the opposite sex?

 

No. I think the lack of enthusiasm is a by-product of a pessimistic and negative mindset.

 

The poster who pointed out that passion is not only for the young is right on. I'm 37 and my intimate relationships over the years have only improved. What's even better is that it's intimacy without the insecurity of my youth. I can relax and enjoy myself in my relationships.

 

If everyone is telling you that you are being negative, there might be something to that theory. Take the advice and work on improving your outlook.

 

Also, it's a myth that you have a decreased chance of meeting women at this stage of your life. Whether you come in contact with people to date is all in your hands- you're no longer at the mercy of a school situation to force contact. Now it's up to you.