littlestar Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 A friend suggested this to me today. As i didnt hear from my ex on Xmas and New Years and havent heard from him in general for a while, she seems to think he is over me. How true is this? I am not sure i believe her way of thinking as i havent contacted him but i am far from being over him. Link to comment
motorgrl Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 i am going through the same thing..wanting my ex back but haven't heard from him at all..all the holidays went by and didn't hear anything..unforunately, i think this could be somewhat true..or they may not be completely over you but still don't have intentions of contacting you kind of hurts knowing you spend alot of the holidays thinking of them and hoping they were too.. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Just because the ex doesn't contact doesn't mean they are over you or not over you. You really know. Lots of people don't contact ex's but are not over them..even dumpers. So don't make assumptions about someone's feelings just because they don't contact you. However, no contact simply means that there are no actions to get back together....actions (or non-actions) may not necessarily be an accurate indicator of feelings. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 moving on and being over them isn't always the same thing Link to comment
Me and myself Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 It depends on each people and how was the break-up. People tend to act differently according the circunstances and personality. You are not over him, however you don't contact him. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 If the ex was the dumper and no contact on a holiday like christmas or NYE, i think they are probably over you and have been over you for awhile. If they were the dumpee, no contact could mean they are over you OR just doing no contact to keep themselves out of harm's way emotionwise. Link to comment
Me and myself Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 And if the ex was the dumper and you tod him to stop contacting you, he's just respecting your whishes. Link to comment
Miranona Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I would assume that they either have moved on or dont want to contact you so as not to bring back old hurts. Link to comment
Seymore Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 This is coming from a dumper: I broke it off with my ex. She has problems that will require a LOT of therapy, perhaps years. While I have hope for her that she will get better and I have a dream that somewhere years down the line we can somehow have this wonderful relationship free of the problems we had before, that hope is very little, because she has been this way for years and years. I tried very hard to deal with it and stay with her, but no sane man can do it, I'm convinced. I can't wait around for that change to come, so I am moving on and leaving her alone to focus on the change she says she wants to make. She quit seeing her psychologist a year ago because she thought she was better...I believe it was because I was sticking around to take the abuse, and that's no good. Even after all that, I am not over her. I am doing NC and moving on, but I still think about her. I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about her any time soon. It's tough for me because if I wanted her back, she's there. But staying together is not healthy for either of us, and she doesn't understand that. I feel like I have to explain these things to her, but that will open the communication gates, cause a load of problems and ruin the NC to boot. She's afraid I will forget her, but I will remember her forever. It sucks because I can't tell her this - she'll take it as I want to get back together. I'm sure she won't forget me either - I know I gave her the time of her life, full of firsts and big accomplishments. I know I gave it my all, and it's helped me to start letting go. I remember even the crappiest relationships I had from high school where nothing got accomplished, so why would I forget her? My point being I don't think he's forgotten you or over you. But stick to NC anyway! Link to comment
JohnGalt Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I didn't contact my ex and I'm not over her. So much for that theory. Next. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I think when a person breaks up with someone for the sole reason that they know it is dysfunctional or the relationship is unhealthy, but they were still in love, that the NC is not a sign they are over it, but a sign that they know it has to be over, such as in your case. But if they leave due to reasons of not "feeling the relationship" anymore, fallen out of love, or for someone else, i think no contact on a holiday is probably an indicator they are still checked out of the relationship. Link to comment
Seymore Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I think when a person breaks up with someone for the sole reason that they know it is dysfunctional or the relationship is unhealthy, but they were still in love, that the NC is not a sign they are over it, but a sign that they know it has to be over, such as in your case. But if they leave due to reasons of not "feeling the relationship" anymore, fallen out of love, or for someone else, i think no contact on a holiday is probably an indicator they are still checked out of the relationship. That's very insightful, JadedStar. It took me a couple of reads to figure that out. And it's true - a big reason I'm doing NC is because I know it HAS to be over, or else I or both of us will self-destruct. Link to comment
veneratio Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I doubt this is true for the most part. Granted every situation is different. But how awkward is that, "hey merry christmas even though i broke your heart/you broke mine". I think it has more to do with pride and fear than with actually "being over" someone or "moving on". Just my opinion, though. Link to comment
GoldFox3840 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I think when a person breaks up with someone for the sole reason that they know it is dysfunctional or the relationship is unhealthy, but they were still in love, that the NC is not a sign they are over it, but a sign that they know it has to be over, such as in your case. But if they leave due to reasons of not "feeling the relationship" anymore, fallen out of love, or for someone else, i think no contact on a holiday is probably an indicator they are still checked out of the relationship. Of course, just because they contact you on a holiday doesn't mean they aren't still checked out of the relationship... Oh well. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Of course, just because they contact you on a holiday doesn't mean they aren't still checked out of the relationship... Oh well. I agree with that too. Sometimes it is the opposite. They can send a HAPPY NEW YEAR jovial text or email because they are over you. Depends on how much they are on the computer in some cases. I think if they are over a person and they don't think the person they dumped is over them it is more sensitive and respectful to not send anything at all, so as to not give false hope, but everyone is not that intuitive about these things. At any rate, i would not guage if someone is over you or not based on whether or not you get a holiday greeting by email. I think it is a poor gauge. Link to comment
BCC123 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 i dont contact my ex because im trying to be strong. i am in no way over my ex but i dont do it to make him think i am ok without him and to help me because contact with him is way too hard anyway Link to comment
Anusha Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 My ex havent contacted me on Christmas or New Year.I dont know if that means that he is over me but I dont think so since we just broke up for less than 2 weeks(making 2 weeks tomorrow).Im on the same situation as Seymore,we love each other but just dont work together.We both were unhappy in the relationship.I dont know why he is not contacting me but last year when we broke up for the first time we stayed in contact and end up trying to get back together again but didnt work out as you might have figured out for me being here now.I think that maybe this time he wants to do different and to be sure that we will be really over each other and not try to get back in the future to not have contact.I dont know,that is just what I think. Link to comment
blue_dahlia Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 A friend suggested this to me today. As i didnt hear from my ex on Xmas and New Years and havent heard from him in general for a while, she seems to think he is over me. How true is this? I am not sure i believe her way of thinking as i havent contacted him but i am far from being over him. I didn't hear from my ex for 1.5 years. During this time, I contacted him three times. He didn't respond to my contact. Today we're back together. He thought of me often and missed me, but that was it. Just because you don't talk doesn't necessarily mean that there isn't love or feelings. So, just because you're not together doesn't mean they're over you. Link to comment
Tezza Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 No, it doesn't mean that they are over you. They could be doing NC in order to move on. I am sure your ex will be thinking and wondering about you from time to time... Link to comment
franfran Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Who knows and who really cares at this point. Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 lol ^^ Littlestar- you broke up with him. So focourse he is going to think twice about contacting you. What i want to know is - After you broke up with him, how long before you starting wishing he would contact you? Link to comment
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