I don't get what happened...

[Daligal83]

I always spend new years with one of my best friends. She and her husband have a small apartment and usually we invite some people over and have a small party. I'll call this friend H. So this year, with H's permission I invite E, N, and A (funny, huh? lol). E is the only one that responded saying she would come.

 

A few days ago, E and I are talking online and she asks if she can bring her cousin. I check with H and it's fine, so I tell E that. E and I talk more, then all of a sudden she says she's also bringing two other girls from high school. Now we all went to high school together, but H and E were not friends. So she basically invited these people without asking either one of us. H was annoyed because she really wanted a small party and she had invited people as well. I told E that it's a small place and we couldn't really have more people than were already invited. She stated she misunderstood and it was no problem. I felt really bad and told her so because I like these girls and it wasn't personal. Another best friend of mine is coming to visit me this weekend, and I had invited E, N and A to come hang out Saturday night. I told her to invite these girls as well. I thought all was good.

 

Last night comes and goes and E never shows up and never makes any attempt to contact me. So I'm feeling kind of insulted at this point. If she sent me a text saying she wanted to be able to see these people, so she was going to do something else I would have completely understood. But just not showing with no contact...I find that very rude. So I try to give her the benefit of the doubt and send her a text today nicely asking what happened. I haven't heard anything back and I sent it early this afternoon.

 

So now I'm stuck with having asked her to hang out Saturday night and I honestly do not feel like seeing her or contacting her to make plans. But I also don't want to be rude like she has been and just not contact her at all. What should I do?

[lady00]

Well, her behavior has been inconsiderate. You've already contacted her once. I think the ball is in her court and you should feel free to make other plans and just tell her if she calls after that that you hadn't heard from her so you thought the plans were off. You can even invite her to your new plans. She is being flaky at the moment so I would not think the plans are still on unless she had replied to your text with some sort of explanation. It sounds like what might have happened was that she decided to go somewhere else with her friends because she had already told them she was going to hang out with them on NYE but the fact that she didn't bother to explain to you what happened is kind of rude/flaky.

[Daligal83]

Do you think that I've done something to get this reaction out of her? Was I inappropriate at all?

 

I talked to a common friend who stated that she can be flaky often. But I saw her send a facebook message to another friend yesterday afternoon talking about new years plans...so obviously it's not like she got sidetracked. She wasn't planning on coming at that point.

[lady00]

Do you think that I've done something to get this reaction out of her? Was I inappropriate at all?

 

I don't think so. It was not your party or your house so you did not have the ability to accommodate her request and while it was fine of her to ask permission to bring her cousin, she was out of line by inviting two other people and just assuming it would be OK. It sounds like you were just the messenger in all of this -- just passing on the message from the party hosts.

[Daligal83]

OK that's what I was thinking but I wanted to make sure. I mean I'm the one who invited E...but it's still not my place. And E wouldn't have been invited without me.

 

I just wanted to make sure I was justified in being upset about this.