I want a man but I don't want one

[CleanSlate]

I came to this place to read opinions and stories after going through a very emotionally distressful separation from a cheating, abusive husband. I think it really helped me.

 

Lately… I read things here and continue to see women in similar situations. I’ve read some from “the other woman” who are “in love” with married men. That really irritates me because I used to be “the wife.”

 

I continue to see or observe the kind of men similar to my ex. (I just went to the laundry mat and a woman was arguing with her boyfriend about him talking to other women and such. He called it “small talk.” Well, she left. That’s when he offered to help me carry laundry and handed me 8 quarters to get my kids some candy for “being so good.” I was polite, but not blind. He was hitting on me.

As I sat there hearing them argue, I thought of my situation. I just thought how sick of it I am….all of the games people play…)

 

Anyway, I’ve been really lonely lately. It’s been seven months since I left my marriage. I never really get a chance to go out except every other weekend. But, I have no female friends who can go out. One is married and pregnant and the other is always with her man on weekends.

I really want to find a guy to talk to. I do want a relationship as well, but don’t think I am ready for it and I will never get married again.

I know that it really helps me when I have a male friend to confide in and hang out with, or even talk to on the phone. It would help me cope with the difficult process dealing with visitation, the custody battle, and the divorce. It would really just keep me calm.

 

When I meet a guy, I want him to be able to understand where I am coming from. But, I don’t want him to see me feeling like a victim. I want to tell him what I’ve been through, but I don’t want to talk about it because it hurts when I do. I don’t want to tell him how afraid I am of being cheated on because it’s a turn off and it makes me seem insecure.

 

What I have been through has made me who I am. Unfortunately, I’ve been through a lot.

 

My outlook on guys has really changed. I view most of them as selfish pigs.

 

I know that the right guy will likely come along and that we will probably form a friendship first that will lead to more….

 

But what do I do for now…. ? I have two small kids and I am wanting a male friend. Maybe it’s my hormones.

 

I just can’t trust any guy until I get to know him real well… I wish there was a place to meet a guy who feels like me.

 

My ex is probably screwing a different female every week while I take care of the kids all day and sleep alone. This really hurts…..

[Lecturer]

First off, there are plenty of guys, myself included, who would never cheat on their spouse or significant other. So try not to assume, going in to any relationship in the future, that "oh, this guy will cheat on me like all men"... because it will hurt your self-esteem, and affect the dynamics of the relationship in a negative way.

 

Desiring companionship and intimacy (2 different things, although can come from the same person) is totally normal and expected for a person in your situation. To accomplish this, you should try out some social activities. Personally, depending on age and interest, I recommend joining coed sports teams or something similar. Its a safe, easy environment to meet people of the opposite sex which provides an opportunity for friendships to grow.

 

Wanting to be friends first, before a romantic relationship is great in my opinion (that is how my wife and I started out as teenagers). It helps to ensure a level of respect, trust, and honesty.

 

In the meantime, try to work on yourself. Work on your self-image (to love and respect yourself) and work on your outlook on other people (men), that way you'll be better situated when the right guy does come along.

[CleanSlate]

I hear that.

I think I have been cheated on by all three of my exes. So I have thought that I have chosen the wrong ones, or there is something wrong with me.(or both)

It seems like everywhere I look, I see or hear about a cheating man.

 

I think the social thing is a good idea. I could look for a job where I meet people or I could try to do something else. I don't have much money, so I can't really join a gym.

 

Well I'm glad to hear you are a good man by the way. Ü

[Pressfit]

If it means anything I didn't ever cheat. Even though she was doing just that and I knew at the time. I had opportunities to do the same and still I did not. I think it's about the most disrespectful thing one can do while in a relationship. So not all men cheat and I wouldnt even say a big majority do either.

[wurth_skidder]

I have been with my girlfriend for seven months, and two of those months I spent in California accross the country from her. I never cheated, and was never tempted to. I was brought up to respect women and their feelings, and I would never do anything to hurt someone I was involved with.

 

My girlfriend and I both have similar histories where almost all our exes cheated at one time or another. My dad left my mom for his high school sweetheart, so I witnessed first hand how hard that can be on someone. I'm sorry that you've been down that road, but don't give up. There are guys out there who won't cheat.

 

My advice would be to find a guy who has had someone cheat on him and knows how it feels so he would never do the same to his significant other.