Broke NC by texting on NYE

[prinzbsr]

HI all,

 

I last spoke to my ex on Sunday night. Told her I was ok with the break up and that we should remain good friends. Since then I had been in NC.

 

Then of course NYE happens. I'm out and about, well to say the least I have too much to drink and break my NC by sending her a text message saying Happy New Year.

 

It didn't stop there...because I didn't get a response back, I sent it again, twice. Talk about messing up...

 

I then thought for some reason it would be a good idea to call her. So I dialed, let it ring once, then hung up. This I also repeated.

 

I can't help but think how much I'm probably pushing her away. So, I'm going back to NC now.

 

Any advice on something I could other than NC? Should I send a letter to her just saying that I know I've been acting stupidly lately and there are no excuses for it...?

[littlestar]

I think you've made a fool of yourself enough, and learn from it and dont repeat the same mistakes.

 

She didnt respond, so this tells me she is firmly sticking to NC, respect that and dont bother her anymore. No more phone calls, messages or letters to explain why you did what you did, this is only going to make you look worse!

[prinzbsr]

Absolutely right...I have acted like a total fool. My question though is if there is anyway to recover and possibly have a chance at getting back?

[littlestar]

Absolutely right...I have acted like a total fool. My question though is if there is anyway to recover and possibly have a chance at getting back?

 

There might be but dont keep bothering her or else she is going to get annoyed with you. Just leave her be for now. Give her time to miss you and what you to had together.

 

PM me if you ever need someone to talk to. This isnt an easy thing to be going through.

[chocolates]

Oh god, i so very well know the feeling........its out of control......

 

Just NC, a letter might make it worse especially if god forbid she didnt reply.

[Pandaman211]

I think you've made a fool of yourself enough, and learn from it and dont repeat the same mistakes.

 

She didnt respond, so this tells me she is firmly sticking to NC, respect that and dont bother her anymore. No more phone calls, messages or letters to explain why you did what you did, this is only going to make you look worse!

 

I'm sorry man, but I have to agree completely. A lot of people told you what to do in your previous thread, so I don't understand why you did this man, I wish you wouldn't have. I'm not trying to be harsh, but your last thread started with Have I done too much damage, if you were weary of doing too much damage, why did you not take and apply the advice? Come on man, you're not helping yourself, or your situation. I'm not saying ignore her if she contacts you, but you definitely don't initiate contact in your situation, HUGE no. Its natural that a lot of us right after the breakup do what you did, so don't feel bad about it, I honestly didn't feel like you blew it when you posted your previous thread. It was natural that her being your fiance, your potential wife was leaving you. But you repeated it now, a few weeks later. Thats on the verge of, if not already, too much damage.

 

She sees you right now as needy, insecure, and mostly, ANNOYING. Ask any girl on her, if they were in her situation they would be really annoyed, and that can indefinitely push them away, especially with all the implications that come with annoying. You gotta learn from your mistakes now. I know I really annoyed my ex after we broke up a few months ago, and that definitely contributed to her anger/bitterness/not answering at the time. So it happens. But at this point, you cannot have any expectations of you guys getting back together, at all. You need to pick yourself up, hold your head up high, learn from your mistakes, and move on. I know you hate hearing it, but at this point, theres nothing else you can do. Make positive changes to your life. Envision yourself with other women, NOT your ex.

 

I hope this works out well for you.

[Imissher]

Hey Brother,

I know how ya feel. It's hard not to contact them.

 

Give her some space, and give her time to think about you. I'm sure she is already thinking about you, and when you keep trying to contact her it does not give her anytime to think.

 

Hope you are doing ok bro. Things will get better.

[prinzbsr]

Thanks for all the encouragement. She sent me a text this morning saying Happy New year back. I'm not reading much in to it other than she did respond.

 

I haven't said anything back. Classes start up for the semester this coming Thursday and I know that she is really stressing about them. I'm considering NC until after the semester starts and then maybe some LC to say hey and ask about the new semester.

 

Not sure though. I just think about how Sparkie got his girl back and how LC worked so well for him. The fact that she hasn't given me back or met up with me about the ring and stuff makes me think/hope that she is thinking it over in her head.

[prinzbsr]

So I just got a text from her...were you ok? I saw your call.

 

I haven't responded and I won't...at least not right now. I want her back so I don't know if I should completely ignore her. It's almost a guarantee knowing her that she'll send one a little later saying something like Hello?? or ????. I'd rather see her call though not sure what I would say.

 

Any advice on what to do?

[blue_dahlia]

So I just got a text from her...were you ok? I saw your call.

 

I haven't responded and I won't...at least not right now. I want her back so I don't know if I should completely ignore her. It's almost a guarantee knowing her that she'll send one a little later saying something like Hello?? or ????. I'd rather see her call though not sure what I would say.

 

Any advice on what to do?

 

At this time, I wouldn't ignore her question. If you had told your ex that you couldn't be friends and that you feel it would be in your best interest not to talk, then I would say ignore it. However, you told her that you wanted to remain friends and you took initiative on contact, four times actually.

 

I think you should give her a brief, upbeat and apathetic response. "Yes, I'm fine. Just had a bit to drink that night. Excited about the New Year. Have a great week!"

[SighSob]

Whew man, that's why you have to STICK to NC!!! Now give her an apathetic response as Blue Dahlia suggests and GO BACK TO NO CONTACT. You don't want to cause more damage than you already have, do you?

[prinzbsr]

I hear that side of things too and just wonder if it's really the right thing to just jump to responding. Yes I tried to contact her and so I should respond back, but I can tell that's she sitting there thinking about me.

 

I don't know...maybe breaking my new attempt at NC is the right thing to do, but then again, maybe making her wait and think about me is the right thing too. After all she didn't respond until a day later!

 

Thoughts??

[blue_dahlia]

You don't have to reply this minute, but I do feel you should reply especially since you said you wanted to remain friends. I would reply this afternoon and begin NC afterward. If she's going to think about you at all, she's going to do it whether you reply or not.

[prinzbsr]

I just dont' want to fall into being friends, and no way back to dating.

[blue_dahlia]

The polite thing to do is just to send a simple and brief response. Don't ask her about her day, don't say you miss her, etc. Just reply. It shows that you're strong and that you're ok. Ignoring her I feel demonstrates that you're being petty or that you're embarrassed.

 

I understand it's hard. I speak from experience. But when my ex asked me a question, I simply replied. Now, if I had told my ex that we couldn't be friends and that I would appreicate it if he didn't contact me and if he still did, then I would have ignored him.

 

If your ex had sent you a message that didn't require a response, I would say continue NC. It's just a polite and shows strength to respond.

 

NC afterward.

[prinzbsr]

Well it's gotten a bit more beyond a simple response now. She called me a litle bit ago when I was working on a response text. My phone automatically answered and she said she wanted to make sure everything was ok and why hadn't I responded.

 

I told her I was just excited about the new year and had called a lot of people. She asked about all the text messages and I told her I was jsut acting stupidly and sorry. A little later she sent another text sayignt hat I was acting weird, followed up with a maybe we should just never talk again.

 

I called her then and apologied that I was coming accross weird and the conversation went about the same as before. She then wanted to know about meeting up so I could get my stuff and I asked about this weekend and she said no time. So on to talking about next week.

 

Knowing that I hadn't given her the resposne about this weirdness and game she thinks I'm playing with her I sent her a text jsut saying sorry that I came accross weird and that I'm nto tryign to play games. Just thoguht she wanted space. I also said that I she had hurt me a lot and I just don't know what she expects from me. I closed by saying I know what I want.

 

So now where to??

[prinzbsr]

And now she has responded back that she doesn't want me to be fake. I responded back by telling her that I dont' want to come accross fake. That I realized in the past couple weeks there are things I need to change about me. That need to change whether I am with her again or someone else.

 

She then also surprises me by saying that she has heard I've done things that are unforgiveable. and she says she won't tell me because she is too ashamed.

 

Any advice on where to go?

[blue_dahlia]

Ugh I'm off to read your previous threads and posts for some clarity.

[ljp]

I think you need to tell her (not on the phone because it will just get weird) that perhaps she is right and the two of you should not talk for a few weeks. She can tell you are acting weird (read needy). You need to go NC to get your stuff together. I'm not saying forever, just tell her she is right and the two of you should not talk for a few weeks so it doesn't seem weird.

[prinzbsr]

I am afraid I think it's beyond repair actually.

 

We have been texting back and forth for a good hour now. Apparently she thinks that I went out and stared at others and hit on other girls. Blatently a false statement and I don't know what game she's playing.

 

She says she has proof, but she won't say what it is. She also says someone told her things, yet when asked she doesn't have any names. Obviously she is just trying to push my buttons.

 

I don't know if I can ever recover to get another chance from this. She has her mind made up that I nearly cheated on her for what ever reason.

[Pandaman211]

I am afraid I think it's beyond repair actually.

 

We have been texting back and forth for a good hour now. Apparently she thinks that I went out and stared at others and hit on other girls. Blatently a false statement and I don't know what game she's playing.

 

She says she has proof, but she won't say what it is. She also says someone told her things, yet when asked she doesn't have any names. Obviously she is just trying to push my buttons.

 

I don't know if I can ever recover to get another chance from this. She has her mind made up that I nearly cheated on her for what ever reason.

 

Alright man, you're a mature guy, you're 27, still young, seems like you have a lot going for you. This is just messed up. I'm assuming you didn''t?

 

At this point, you take the high road out prinzbr. "Ex, I have no idea where you heard that, but I didn't. I know I didn't. Never once did that cross my mind. Its a shame you think that, but I don't know what else to tell you." Something to that effect, not word for word.

 

Maybe shes making this stuff up to convince herself she did the right thing, b/c shes starting to feel guilt? I wouldn't be surprised, since you guys were engaged. You need to stop texting her. Seriously. Its not doing you any good. The more you keep commenting on this situation, the more insecure you look and less believable you are. Are you going to believe someone that tells you once confidently, or someone that continues to tell you they didn't over and over again? Which one seems more insecure about it? If you know you didn't, just stop playing her game. Leave it at "IDK where you heard it, but I would've never done that. Thats ridiculous." And then end the conversation.

[prinzbsr]

Wel I of course did al the wrong things, again. I wish I woud think with my head and not my heart!

 

I never ever did any of these accusations she made Friday. After talkignt o her about it more and more she finally said what it was that someone had tod her and I told her that those accusations were blatently incorrect and that her friends was simply lying to her. She of course says she doesn't believe my and why would her best friend lie to her.

 

I just don't know what to do anymore. She has said that if I don't stop sending txt's here and there saying I love you, lets give it another chance, etc. that she is going to change her phone number so we never talk again.

 

Like I said...I feel like an idiot having done everything I shouldn't. I should have shut my mouth after we talked over the phone on Friday. I'm sure by now that I have pushed her far, far away and any window of opportunity for the future has been slammed shut.

 

Then again who knows. I guess you can't say everything is beyond repair. If it's meant to be she will come back.

[prinzbsr]

Just wanted to update that I haven't talked with her since a couple texts on Saturday. It's been soooo hard not to send a message to her or call her.

 

I know it's none of my business, but I know she's been talking to this guy (we live in Ohio, he's in florida). Always told me he was just a friend. I just worry now about what's going on with that and if there ever were to be a chance again with her if he's blocking it.

 

What's a guy to do?? This girl is tearing me up inside. I love her so much. Just wonder if I should maybe go for LC. It's been icey weather up here and just thoguht maybe a quick message making sure she was ok would be nice. And we are meeting up this weekend for me to get some stuff back from her.

[mr_m4x]

No, just don't contact her man.

 

I know it's hard and you are worried about her, but texting her will be read by you as "I'm worried about you" and that's fine, but by her it'll be read as "this guy is bothering me again, he's so needy, I'm gonna have to change my phone number". And you don't want that right?

 

Stick to NC!

 

Post over here whenever you feel tempted to contact her.