Engagement Party- A thing of the past?

[keebler322]

Just wondering if engagement parties are a thing of the past. It was a recent debate of ours and thought I'd get some opinions here. Also, did you personally have one? Or attend one? Was there a theme? Was there a large turnout? We were thinking an engagement party would be fun but were afraid of a small turnout and it being a waste of money. Any opinions/ideas welcome!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I don't know whether or not they are a thing of the past but quite frankly I always saw engagement parties as just a way for people to extract more gifts...just like baby showers. It is about receiving gifts rather than about celebrating the upcoming event. Engagement parties are basically putting the cart before the horse. The marriage hasn't happened yet and people are obliged to give gifts. I remember many years ago a couple I knew had a very elegant engagement party. They never actually made it to the wedding.

[lana111]

never been engaged, but have been to a few. big and small.

 

one at a really nice place, cost a bunch of $, like a mini wedding

two at a restaurant or small hall

and one held at a home

 

i personally feel that any fancy engagement party is about gifts and $ and keeping up with appearances. i dont plan on having an engagement party, but if i did i would def write on the invite NO GIFTS. i wouldnt want people to get me an engagement gift, a shower gft, and a wedding gift. all i would want out of a party like that is for the bride and groom to be's friends and family to come together to celebrate.

[lana111]

i forgot to answer some of the questions!

 

all the parties had an appropriate turnout, just like any picnic, party, or shower would have. there was no theme that i can remember.

[bulletproof]

Just wondering if engagement parties are a thing of the past. It was a recent debate of ours and thought I'd get some opinions here. Also, did you personally have one? Or attend one? Was there a theme? Was there a large turnout? We were thinking an engagement party would be fun but were afraid of a small turnout and it being a waste of money. Any opinions/ideas welcome!

 

I don't think they're a thing of the past, but to be honest, I wish they were! For those attending, it just becomes yet another event to set aside time for, spend money on, etc. Especially for those in the wedding party. I have been involved in weddings that included an engagement party, a bachelorette party, a shower, a rehearsal dinner, a wedding, and then a post-wedding brunch/barbecue, all of which I was expected to attend. This takes money, outfits, gifts, and travel expenses. It's a little much to ask of others, in my opinion. I've had years when good friends were getting married, and if it's more than one in a year, every weekend seemed to be taken over by the events surrounding the upcoming marriage.

 

To answer your questions: I have never had one, I have attended a few, there was never a theme, and there were pretty decent turnouts.

[chigal28]

We didn't have one...my best friend and sister threw us a shower here, and his mom threw us one in his hometown, and between that and the rehearsal dinner and wedding, I felt like there were enough parties!

 

But my best friend and her now-husband hosted a small BBQ at their place as an engagement party, to celebrate the milestone with family and close friends...we were not able to go as we had a wedding to attend that day, but it sounds like a very nice, low-key thing. I believe people brought cards, rather than gifts...

[Batya33]

I've been to one in the past few years. I didn't want one - the only pre-wedding celebration I had was dinner with two of my girlfriends (they said I could invite others but I wanted to be able to spend time with them and have more of a personal conversation and evening). The etiquette from what I understand is not to have one less than a year before the wedding or it gives the impression that you are looking for gifts.

[Mythical_Suicide]

My fiance and I had an engagement "party".

 

We just pretty much had our family gather at a nice restaurant and officially "announced" our engagement to everyone and received well wishes only, we requested no gifts were to be brought. Of course some still brought gifts but it was not expected.

[JeckyllNHyde]

Just wondering if engagement parties are a thing of the past. It was a recent debate of ours and thought I'd get some opinions here. Also, did you personally have one? Or attend one? Was there a theme? Was there a large turnout? We were thinking an engagement party would be fun but were afraid of a small turnout and it being a waste of money. Any opinions/ideas welcome!

 

if you guys want to celebrate it you definitly should!! i think it's so cute.

all parties have the possibility of a small turn out. not just engagement ones. you both can also organize an engagement dinner instead, it really depends on what vision you have for the night. do you want there to be music and mingeling, or people to come for dinner and drinks and sit down, etc?

 

i went to one at a restaurant. there was a good turn out. sure some didnt come but that's normal with planning parties. try and get people to come though by maybe calling and asking, just so your sure who you can count on to attend.

the one i went to was at a restaurant. they booked the whole place the food was great. everyone came dressed nicely. and later they made a toast.

[annie24]

My fiance and I had an engagement "party".

 

We just pretty much had our family gather at a nice restaurant and officially "announced" our engagement to everyone and received well wishes only, we requested no gifts were to be brought. Of course some still brought gifts but it was not expected.

 

i like this. i think it's classy.

[JeckyllNHyde]

aww. well i haven't been to many. only one so far. but didnt feel like it was a way to get more gifts. i mean it takes alot of time+money to put a party together (think invitations, food, (alcoholic) drinks, cakes, etc). unless they choose a cheap location and food and expect lavish gift+money.

 

i agree though that if someone is going to have a shower, bachelorette party, wedding rehearsal, and a ton of other parties it does become a bit of a huge hassle to attend all. who has the time?

i didn't think people do so many parties just for a wedding, but then when reading Bulletproofs post I was reminded of my cousin who did, and expected everyone to travel abroad, pay for their hotels, have about 4 outfits and whatnot. Me nor my side of the family really attended which was a huge shame for them. They still made the wedding and all the other celebrations a succes.

 

if it where me i'd want to do an engagement dinner, and maybe just get married at a small chapel. no bachelorette parties, etc.

 

 

it's best to think about the guests and accomodating them too so they don't need to find themselves spending a ton of money and time either.

[Alezia]

What I would do is plan a small dinner at my house or restaurant and officially announce that I am engaged. This way no one is even thinking of bringing any gifts, and is mostly focused on the event as it's a surprise. I would not tell anyone of my engagement beforehand.

[laisla]

in my culture couples do it 95% of the time. some have small ones, some have large ones that are almost like weddings in banquet halls....but they usually do have one. i would probably only have a house party for it. giving gifts isn't a requirement although people who are close to the couple usually do give something.

[_Asti_]

I've seen various different types done.

 

The first one I experienced was just pure fun. It was a surprise one, and it was a blast. There was no gifts, some people gave money, but it was just a big party thrown with all their friends and it reflected them and their relationship.

 

The latest one I attended was for a cousin, at a restaurant. No one in the family really agrees on the engagement, how it was done, the circumstances, etc but we went. They aren't getting married for another 3-4 years, and don't plan on living together before marriage and are in different provinces living currently. My aunt and uncle weren't impressed that they had to store all these large gifts at their house for the next several years, and many people were stumped as to what even buy them because of their age, and the status of their relationship.

 

My sister just received an invitation to one, and its WAY over board. It's being hosted at a very large country club, and hundreds of invitations have been sent out, and on the invitation, they listed 8!!! places they are registered. It was just date, time, place and then all their registeries. That just screams gifts.

 

I would like nothing more than a simple BBQ thrown with family, and go out for drinks with friends. Don't buy me a present. I don't see the correlation between receiving a blender and a ring on my finger.

[lady00]

My friend had one recently. It was lovely. There were some touching speeches. No gifts were given with the exception of the parents giving gifts to the couple. The gifts from the parents were personalized and based on family traditions.

[MollyElise]

I planned an engagement party for a girlfriend (the first one of us to get engaged) we coupled it with a Valentine's themed party (I don't think it was on V-day, but the weekend of). Presents weren't expected, it was a nice little party, not a big turnout. I would think you would really expect your closest friends / family, like the one's who would be participating in the wedding.