What to do

[sj9ers]

So me and my ex met at work at our lifeguard job over the summer and we were together for two months. She was happy for the most part it seemed, but told our mutual friends she was always use to dating jerks and players and wasn't use to dating a guy like me someone who would always try to make her happy. Well the last time I saw her before the breakup she was fine, but then a week later she dumped me which was September 7th. Before we broke up she told one of my friends who told me that she really wasn't sure if she wanted to break up with me or if she wanted me as a bf or friend and that she still liked me but was getting kind of bored with things and wanted to keep me as a friend because something might develop later. Well after she dumped me she told me not to call or text her and that she would call me when she was ready. Well after a month and a half of NC I missed her greatly and emailed her saying basically that maybe we rushed into things before we got to know each other more and that maybe we should be just friends and she emailed me back saying that she did want to be friends. Well since then I've hung out with her once at a hangout at the end of October with friends which was awkward because it was my first time seeing her and we were emailing and texting after still.

 

Were still in contact, she texted me a Happy Birthday on the 24th and also texted me a a merry xmas, but I really don't think being friends with her right now is a good idea. During our contact we haven't ever talked about us getting back together even though I want to, but I don't know how to bring it up. Looking back I should have waited for her to call me knowing that I still had feelings for her and I thought by being friends with her I could win her back over. Right now I'm at the point where I'll still think about her once in a while, but I'm not completely over her.

 

I've been in NC since the 26th since it seemed like I'm always initiating the contact lately and she has been nice in replying to all of them but nothing has really been said between us that indicates that there's something more there from her. Well I was at a New Years party last with a bunch of our mutual friends and one of her best friends was there. Well I got pretty drunk and was making out with a girl that me and my ex worked with who was also drunk and my ex's best friend was right there and saw the whole thing. Well the making out with the girl meant nothing and just happened because we were drunk. Afterwards when I was still drunk I get to talking to my ex's best friend and the topic of my ex comes up and start telling her everything about how I don't know what to do about my ex because I don't know what she wants, and I start asking if my ex was seeing anybody or liked anybody (she said no) and how I'm tired of waiting around for her and just a whole bunch of stuff about how I don't know if I want a relationship or just some girl and how I don't want to talk to my ex unless it's about us. Well then her friend told me that I was my ex's first legitimate boyfriend because I brought up the point that I don't want to be a jerk or hurt her like the other guys she's been with. She said that my ex did bring me up once about a month ago just to say that me and her were texting all day. Then she told me she would talk to my ex for me and that she might tell her about me and the other girl to get her jealous and that she would tell her to give me a call so we could talk.

 

Well honestly I don't know what to do now. I said all of those things when I was pretty much gone and don't want my ex to hear all those things from someone else and I don't want my ex to get hurt if she hears about me and the other girl even though it meant nothing. I'm dreading that call and now I don't know how I'm gonna respond or if I should just go ahead and talk to her first or let things play out.